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  1. Hello bluecastle, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond, and to give me a different perspective. You are right, I shouldn’t expect him to always be thinking about me, but do I have a right to be hurt that he’s looking at other women? That is what pains me. I am completely fine with masturbation, but not the idea of him pleasing himself while looking at a naked stranger. It is a big deal to me, and I know I can’t say “stop watching it, or I’m done” because that will just lead to more lies, and I also don’t want to be manipulative or controlling. Like you said, I’m his girlfriend and I don’t want to be someone he’s constantly worried about upsetting. You’re right, my views can change, but right now it is something that is very upsetting to me and something I don’t agree with. I don’t know how to go about it now.
  2. Hello Rose, Thank you again for a kind and thoughtful response. You made a very good point that he may have just hid it from me because he’s worried about upsetting me. I do tend to get very emotional and my opinions are very strong, so I see that I should work on being more welcoming and understanding. I also notice that I do get insecure over little things at times, and that is something I need to work on to make him more comfortable as well. Looking back, most of those concerns don’t make any sense. Thank you for giving me your insight and for helping me to realize that I need to look a little deeper into myself and my problems. I do recognize that I have a lot of room for growth. Thank you.
  3. Hey SGH, I greatly appreciate that people are giving me their honest opinions. I am trying to be open minded since that is essential in problem solving! My insecurity was very horrible when we were first together, to the point where I didn’t even like him talking to other girls. I realized that that is incredibly possessive and toxic behavior, and I have learned from my errors, and have been much better since we started living together. I have worked very hard to accept the fact you mentioned, that if someone is going to cheat, they will, and that’s not something you can control. That has been very freeing to me and I haven’t had much stress about it since accepting that. That is my other problem though, because (TMI warning) whenever I feel the need, I only think of him or watch our videos. Maybe that’s weird, but that’s just me. I know I am expecting to much from him by wanting him to think only of me, so how do I change that? I know saying “stop watching it or I’m gone” is the wrong route to go, since that will just lead to more secrecy. This isn’t acceptable to me personally though, so I don’t know how else to go about it.
  4. Hey Rose, I appreciate your in depth response, and that you took the time to read my post. I do not think it is okay to be looking at other women, especially when I am in the room next to him. Porn doesn’t make someone who they are. I agree, it doesn’t seem like porn is talked about enough.The concept of porn doesn’t bother me. If it is filmed with two consenting individuals, and no one is being exploited I think it is fine! Sex work is real work in my opinion, and I support anyone who chooses to do it. What bothers me is that he wants to look at other women. If you are in a committed relationship with someone, I don’t think you should be checking out other people in real life or on the internet. That is where my problem comes from. With all the responses, I feel very isolated. I don’t understand why he would want to look at other people when he tells me how beautiful I am or how hot my body is. I feel like I’m not enough
  5. Hey Trinity11, Thanks for taking the time to respond.The only reason I was doing my hair was to give him space to study. He was only studying for about 30 minutes before I came in. I am always down for sex, even just a quickie, so I’m hurt that he would rather turn to porn than to have sex with me when I was literally in the next room! I think it is so offensive that he was looking at other girls while I was in the same room.
  6. Hello SGH, I appreciate your response. I have no problem with masturbation at all! I think it is completely healthy. And you are right, it is nice for when you don’t want to worry about pleasing your partner, since that can be a little more time consuming. But that is why we have made plenty videos and I have sent him a plethora of nudes, so that he can have those for that purpose. The fact that he is pleasing himself while looking at other women is what is deeply conflicting to me. In a monogamous relationship I don’t see how it’s acceptable to be looking at other people like that? Maybe I am completely wrong here, but it just blows my mind!
  7. Saluk, Thank you for your insight. I am still so hurt that he would rather jerk off while looking at other naked women, than have sex with me. Originally, our relationship started as an affair, which is where my trust issues started. Since he was willing to leave a marriage for me, I have been worried that he will find someone better and leave me too. As time has passed, I have had time to grow and be less insecure about that, but it is still a concern for me, just not as pressing as it used to be. I have seen how dedicated he is to me. To find out that he was lying about this, when I told him how important it was for me to not watch it, really makes me confused.
  8. Last night, my boyfriend (24M) watching porn while I was in the other room doing my hair. He was supposed to be studying for his 2 tests that he had the next day, so I thought it was a perfect time to dye my roots and allow him to focus. I went into the other room to show him my progress, and walked into to him browsing a bunch of porn videos. He quickly closed the tab and acted like nothing was wrong. I asked him what he was watching and he said YouTube videos. I blatantly saw that his screen was filled with naked people. so I walked right back into the other room. I told him that I wanted to be alone for a while because I was extremely hurt. We have been together for 2 1/2 years, living together for 1 1/2. About a year ago I talked about how I don’t like porn and that I don’t think he should be getting off while looking at other women. If he wouldn’t do it in person, he shouldn’t be doing it on the computer, in my opinion. I don’t look up naked guys to look at, because they don’t interest me in the slightest. I am only interested in my own man. During this conversation he said that it makes sense and he wouldn’t do it again. So I am very hurt that he lied to me and has continued to watch porn. I specifically told him how offensive it is to me to be in a committed relationship but watch other naked women. It doesn’t make sense to me. I have sent him hundreds of nude pictures of myself and we have around 20 intimate videos of us together. If he was so horny why wouldn’t he watch those? And why wouldn’t he want to have sex with ME when I was literally in the other room? You don’t need to be looking at naked strangers to get off. I was deeply upset last night, and I still am today. He did talk to me about it and apologize, but he says that all guys do it so it’s okay. He wasn’t understanding my point that it’s not okay to look at other women like that! I told him that it is a huge deal to me, and that it is not okay in a relationship. Our sex life is not bad, we have sex 3-5 times a week. So I do not understand why he is turning to porn when I am basically always down for it. When I told him that it is not acceptable and that I would not want to continue a relationship if he continued to watch it, he said that he can’t change who he is. He said that he would rather not be with me than to change his ways. Obviously, I am completely heartbroken to hear that. I am hurt that he would rather look at other women when I am naked basically whenever I am at home. I am hurt that he lied to me. I am hurt that my trust in him has been broken. I already have had trust issues from the way our relationship started, and have gotten way better. But this is a step back for me. The fact that he is doing it in secret when he told me he wouldn’t really hurts. Am I overreacting? I wouldn’t even think to look at another guy besides him, because he is all I want. My heart hurts that that is not the same for him. Please help.
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