This thread has been working wonders for me. Everytime I start to overthink stuff that's going on with my ex, I come back here, read a few stories, and then I'll forget what I was overthinking earlier. Doesn't give me hope or anything, it's just a great distraction with a positive feeling that's much needed for me right now.
I'll share a few stories and later comment on my current situation. My life is full of getting back together or attempts to do so.
- First girlfriend on high school, she would dump me every 3 months because we were not on the same page, I was more in love than she was so she would always break up with me but would come back by the 2 month mark. This happened 3 times and she attempted to come back a fourth time. By that moment, I was already fed up on the on-off relationship and finished everything for good.
- Some time later, I met a new girl, we had great chemistry and started dating. She had just been out of a relationship and was moving forward slow, unlike me that I wanted our dating to become a serious relationship quick. I noticed we were not on the same page after 3 months dating and broke things off, she agreed. Some time later I regretted my decision, tried to win her back but she had already moved on. A couple of years later she contacted me again but I did not give it much thought as I was under the impression that she was already in a relationship; she was not. I found that out a while later and when I attempted to talk back she had already started dating with a guy she's currently in a happy relationship with. I'm happy for her since we always got along great, we never matched our timings right.
- Later on in life, when I was about 21, I met the girl with who I had my longest relationship. Our relationship lasted almost 4 years but ended because it had become too toxic. She would try to manipulate me into doing all sorts of stuff and things ended for good when she actually wanted me to stop seeing my family and that was something I would not do. She broke things off. I believed we could work her differences with my family but she would not agree. Despite dumping me, she would come back to me a couple of months later. Deep inside me I knew she was not the right person for me so I rejected her. Long story short, she has been attempting to get me back through different ways on the last 3/4 years. I know I don't want anything with her so this will just never work. It goes to show that if you've given your best and you've been nice to the other person, they will regret their decisions of breaking things off, however, the decision of reconciling will be on your side when this happens. I believe that if you do what you know is right, time only gives you more and more power.
Despite having plenty of examples in my own life to have hope and trust in the power of time, I'm currently puzzled and have been through a very rough time for the past month and a half. I fell in love with a coworker that I have direct relationship with and have to see and have lunch with everyday. I met her almost 2 years ago and, at first, I wouldn't even notice her. We began working together and slowly I started to get to know her. I became curious, however, I would not give in to the thought that something could happen with her since she was a coworker and I was doing pretty fine on my own. By that time, she was in a very toxic relationship with a dude that did to her almost the same things my ex did to me. We bonded and fell in love with each other, however, I let her know that nothing would happen in between us until she was done with her ex. She had been struggling to end that relationship but the guy would constantly make her get back together by making her feel guilty for breaking things off.
After lots of therapy she was able to break that relationship and we started dating. We had a great time together and connected in many ways, I had never met anyone I had so much in common with. Everything had been going perfect for around 6 months until she told me we needed to talk.
When we talked, she told me that she was not feeling the same towards me as she had felt at the beginning of the relationship, but that this wasn't because of anything I was doing but rather because she hadn't had time on her own after her previous relationship. She insisted on the fact that she saw me as a perfect guy and that she liked me in many ways. She also said that she had feelings for me and that every time we hanged she would have a great time. I asked her what would our next step be considering her mixed feelings; she was unsure so I told her that we could do our best to work things out but if she had no energy to do so it was pointless, she agreed on the fact that she did not have any energy. I suggested a break, which she refused because she would not feel comfortable having me hanging while she decided what she wanted to do with her life. Therefore, I suggested to break up and she agreed with this. She preferred to break up and told me that if she thought, later on, that she wanted to be with me, she would let me know, and if I was in another page by then, she preferred to feel regret later on. After this, I was devastated but went directly to LC. Ever since then, I have only talked only for work reasons or any topic that is at hand whenever we have lunch together. Other than that, no contact, no chat, no nothing. Just the minimum possible contact.
I did call her once after 3/4 weeks asking her if she thought there was any future in between us, she told me that she had no way of knowing how she will feel in the future. After this, I asked her if there really was no other reason she did not want to be with me. I asked her to tell me so even if she had to break my heart and that I would not become mad at her or anything, that I needed a clear reason in order to get some closure and begin my healing process. I suggested that she tell me that she had no feelings for me, or did not like me anymore, or that maybe she wanted be with other guys. She denied everything and said that saying any of those things would be lying. That she did in fact like me a lot, had a great time with me and didn't think of being with anyone else. She did mention that she felt that we could be a great couple and that that's what she felt it was time for us to become, however, she was not ready to start a new relationship after the last one she had. She even mentioned that she really wanted to take care of our relationship because I was not a random guy but a really special one for her and that she wanted things to be OK between us. I accepted that answer and let her know that my conclusion was that it was bad timing and that I would move on. She agreed.
Ever since then, everything at the office is super weird. I do not overdo anything and I have kept my relationship with her at the minimum possible contact as it was at the beginning of the break up. Every time I have to interact with her, I will be as polite and friendly as possible to keep things professional, however, it's not the same from her end. Everything has been hot and cold ever since. There might be times when she's cool around my but many other times when everything will be super tense. This is only happening from her end. I am not answering to this tension with more tension but rather just being chilled around her.
I've recently started to actually move on since I have been growing tired of her attitude but it's difficult, especially when there's daily exposure. I just really hope that some time around she just makes up her mind and apologizes for her erratic behavior and either gets well with me as coworkers or just comes back but it's been a pain. Anyhow, I do feel everything is getting better from me. The first few weeks were terrible and I even had a few panic attacks. Anyhow, nobody's worth making your life miserable. I think I'll just put my hope thinking that if I've always tried to do my best, the best will come for me at some point.