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Mjolnor14

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  1. My doubt here, shall I confront her about her childish/unprofessional attitude or just act indifferent until this madness ceases? This is making it hard on my and tbh, I'm not starting any conversation or anything with her. She's just behaving like this in any situation we are forced to interact (and not because I want to, but I have to, due to work).
  2. Hey all, I'm writing so as to get some advice. I'll try to make this as short as possible. I met my "ex" (we didn't get to call ourselves bf/gf) about two years ago. We work together and it took us a while to hook up. She was in a relationship were she was being heavily manipulated and it took her a long while and a lot of therapy to finally get herself rid from her ex. Once this relationship was over, we started going out. We dated for around 6 months and everything was going perfect. Out of the blue, she told me she wanted to talk with me and explained that she liked everything about me but that she felt that after her previous relationship she didn't have time for herself. We discussed about what the best course of action could be, she mentioned she was not feeling right to be in a relationship with me but she wasn't sure that she wanted to break up either. I offered her to take some time apart but she didn't feel that was right since she would feel guilty if she felt I was waiting for her to give me some kind of feedback, as she wasn't exactly sure about how she was feeling. I suggested we break up and that was it. It was amicable and I went straight into LC (meaning I'll only talk work with her or discuss whatever topic is at hand whenever we have lunch with the team; we do have lunch together every weekday). After the break up I was devastated but pulled the little energy I had to make it seem in our lunches as if I was OK. The first few weeks she'd try to fight with me about anything and I would just divert the talking to anything else to avoid confrontation. When we broke up, she did mention I was no regular guy and that said she was doing everything so as to take care of the relationship we had; she didn't want to ruin it because of her doubts. Her attitude these first two weeks was very contradictory. Moving forward, the relationship got better and she stopped trying to pick fights with me. At around the 4th week mark, I called her and just asked how she was feeling about the whole break up thing and did mention that it had been a rough time for me as she had given me no clear reason to break up in first place. I did ask her to break my heart if she had to and be honest, be it she didn't like me anymore, had no more feelings or anything. She denied everything and mentioned that she did have feelings for me, she did like me and would have a great time with me, but that she felt that we were ready to be bf/gf and she was not yet ready for that, as her previous experience had been too rough and was just not ready to start a new relationship. I said it was OK and thanked her for the time to talk, went straight back to the same LC I previously mentioned. That was 2 weeks ago. Everything went on fine and I've started to feel better myself, I think it might actually be showing since I'm in a better mood generally speaking and doing fine. However, what's killing me right now is that for the past 3 days she's been trying really hard to avoid me. Not just that, she's trying to make me notice that she's avoiding me. We'll be in meeting rooms where there's just 3 of us and she will just rotate her chair and make me face her back. She is now trying to contradict what I say again and it's becoming a pain. I'm trying to keep everything as professional as possible as that's the right thing to do. While I'm focused in moving on, this is also a relationship I don't want to completely discard and make moves that might push her far away. I'm not exactly sure how to proceed. Shall I ignore her bad attitude as I'm doing and show indifference? Shall I confront her about it? Why might she be behaving in this way towards me? Just in case you even think about it, I did not beg, cry, became needy or anything. I've learnt this from my past relationship and refrained from doing anything of the sort even though my brain wanted me to do so.
  3. This thread has been working wonders for me. Everytime I start to overthink stuff that's going on with my ex, I come back here, read a few stories, and then I'll forget what I was overthinking earlier. Doesn't give me hope or anything, it's just a great distraction with a positive feeling that's much needed for me right now. I'll share a few stories and later comment on my current situation. My life is full of getting back together or attempts to do so. - First girlfriend on high school, she would dump me every 3 months because we were not on the same page, I was more in love than she was so she would always break up with me but would come back by the 2 month mark. This happened 3 times and she attempted to come back a fourth time. By that moment, I was already fed up on the on-off relationship and finished everything for good. - Some time later, I met a new girl, we had great chemistry and started dating. She had just been out of a relationship and was moving forward slow, unlike me that I wanted our dating to become a serious relationship quick. I noticed we were not on the same page after 3 months dating and broke things off, she agreed. Some time later I regretted my decision, tried to win her back but she had already moved on. A couple of years later she contacted me again but I did not give it much thought as I was under the impression that she was already in a relationship; she was not. I found that out a while later and when I attempted to talk back she had already started dating with a guy she's currently in a happy relationship with. I'm happy for her since we always got along great, we never matched our timings right. - Later on in life, when I was about 21, I met the girl with who I had my longest relationship. Our relationship lasted almost 4 years but ended because it had become too toxic. She would try to manipulate me into doing all sorts of stuff and things ended for good when she actually wanted me to stop seeing my family and that was something I would not do. She broke things off. I believed we could work her differences with my family but she would not agree. Despite dumping me, she would come back to me a couple of months later. Deep inside me I knew she was not the right person for me so I rejected her. Long story short, she has been attempting to get me back through different ways on the last 3/4 years. I know I don't want anything with her so this will just never work. It goes to show that if you've given your best and you've been nice to the other person, they will regret their decisions of breaking things off, however, the decision of reconciling will be on your side when this happens. I believe that if you do what you know is right, time only gives you more and more power. Despite having plenty of examples in my own life to have hope and trust in the power of time, I'm currently puzzled and have been through a very rough time for the past month and a half. I fell in love with a coworker that I have direct relationship with and have to see and have lunch with everyday. I met her almost 2 years ago and, at first, I wouldn't even notice her. We began working together and slowly I started to get to know her. I became curious, however, I would not give in to the thought that something could happen with her since she was a coworker and I was doing pretty fine on my own. By that time, she was in a very toxic relationship with a dude that did to her almost the same things my ex did to me. We bonded and fell in love with each other, however, I let her know that nothing would happen in between us until she was done with her ex. She had been struggling to end that relationship but the guy would constantly make her get back together by making her feel guilty for breaking things off. After lots of therapy she was able to break that relationship and we started dating. We had a great time together and connected in many ways, I had never met anyone I had so much in common with. Everything had been going perfect for around 6 months until she told me we needed to talk. When we talked, she told me that she was not feeling the same towards me as she had felt at the beginning of the relationship, but that this wasn't because of anything I was doing but rather because she hadn't had time on her own after her previous relationship. She insisted on the fact that she saw me as a perfect guy and that she liked me in many ways. She also said that she had feelings for me and that every time we hanged she would have a great time. I asked her what would our next step be considering her mixed feelings; she was unsure so I told her that we could do our best to work things out but if she had no energy to do so it was pointless, she agreed on the fact that she did not have any energy. I suggested a break, which she refused because she would not feel comfortable having me hanging while she decided what she wanted to do with her life. Therefore, I suggested to break up and she agreed with this. She preferred to break up and told me that if she thought, later on, that she wanted to be with me, she would let me know, and if I was in another page by then, she preferred to feel regret later on. After this, I was devastated but went directly to LC. Ever since then, I have only talked only for work reasons or any topic that is at hand whenever we have lunch together. Other than that, no contact, no chat, no nothing. Just the minimum possible contact. I did call her once after 3/4 weeks asking her if she thought there was any future in between us, she told me that she had no way of knowing how she will feel in the future. After this, I asked her if there really was no other reason she did not want to be with me. I asked her to tell me so even if she had to break my heart and that I would not become mad at her or anything, that I needed a clear reason in order to get some closure and begin my healing process. I suggested that she tell me that she had no feelings for me, or did not like me anymore, or that maybe she wanted be with other guys. She denied everything and said that saying any of those things would be lying. That she did in fact like me a lot, had a great time with me and didn't think of being with anyone else. She did mention that she felt that we could be a great couple and that that's what she felt it was time for us to become, however, she was not ready to start a new relationship after the last one she had. She even mentioned that she really wanted to take care of our relationship because I was not a random guy but a really special one for her and that she wanted things to be OK between us. I accepted that answer and let her know that my conclusion was that it was bad timing and that I would move on. She agreed. Ever since then, everything at the office is super weird. I do not overdo anything and I have kept my relationship with her at the minimum possible contact as it was at the beginning of the break up. Every time I have to interact with her, I will be as polite and friendly as possible to keep things professional, however, it's not the same from her end. Everything has been hot and cold ever since. There might be times when she's cool around my but many other times when everything will be super tense. This is only happening from her end. I am not answering to this tension with more tension but rather just being chilled around her. I've recently started to actually move on since I have been growing tired of her attitude but it's difficult, especially when there's daily exposure. I just really hope that some time around she just makes up her mind and apologizes for her erratic behavior and either gets well with me as coworkers or just comes back but it's been a pain. Anyhow, I do feel everything is getting better from me. The first few weeks were terrible and I even had a few panic attacks. Anyhow, nobody's worth making your life miserable. I think I'll just put my hope thinking that if I've always tried to do my best, the best will come for me at some point.
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