yellow

yes, i lost my temper. sorry about that. i broke up with my bf today. it doesn't feel too good

i would think twice before making such a post, frankly.

bad_disesase: well, thanks for your opinion. actually, it wasn't quite like that. i like the roommate as a person but did not consider the idea of dating him because i always thought that he leaves a relationship as soon as he finds someone new adn i would end up getting hurt . when i started dating my current bf, i did so because he was very sweet and i appreciated all teh things that he did for me - not so that i could be closer to the roommate... in fact i hardly ever went to their house since im not really in good terms with another guy who lives there and i dont like the idea of hanging out there. the oher thing is, the roommate was in another country during more than half of the relationship. however, he has been my friend ffor more than two years now and i always respected him as a person who could always cheer me up and make me feel good when i was feeling down (even when he was away... through emails etc.). it was only after the roommate came back a couple months ago (by whcih time my relationship with my bf had reached a ratehr destructrive stage ... to which teh roommate was a witness and helped my cope with it by having long discussions with me) that i started wondering if i had misjudged him and whether i was making a mistake by not taking a chance? anwyay, i have decided to stay away from him...so thats not an issue any more. we are still friends. your comments were quite hurtful by the way. just a small "anecdote" about how emotional my current bf is and im not: the first time i told him i had feelings for him, he said "im not in love with you. we should end this". and that was a long time ago... and things have only gotten worse since then.....

John, Thank you so much for your reply. it makes a lot of sense i just talked to him instead of going to dinner.... and i told him that thigns are kind of difficult with my bf and me now etc. and that although i sent him that email, ineed to resolve all the issues with my bf before doing anything else. he said that our relationship looked frustrating from teh outside and told me about his past relationships... his mistakes and times when he had to cut off someone even knowing that it would hurt both of them..... we talked for almost two hours. he seemed kind of nervous in the beginning but then things got kind of normal...i told him to forget about it for the time being and that i was sorry for putting him inthis situation. he said, don't be sorry.... right now, by saying this you can only make me happy... because if you were serious about it, i really wouldnt know what to do.... then asked me to stop by any time i wanted to.... i think it was handled in an OK sort of way..... what do you think? my current bf is just too nice for me to twotime him. we both tried very hard.... we are just very very different. but i think that of course he deserves the respect of being given a decent amount of time after we breakup before i start dating again. how do you guys think the roommate feels about the whole thing? is he interested even a bit? should i pursue this in the future.... ? or leave it like this since we have been good friends for almost two years now..... thanks.

thank you all for your response. iknow my story kind of makes me looks like a horrible person.... the way things happened was, i liked this guy, the roommate from the verybeginning and it was pretty clear that he liked me too(at least as a friend...). but pretty much all the girls in my class like him since he is just wonderful to be around and makes people feel very good.... so he had a lot of ex's whereas i was pretty much unexperienced in that area.... which made me think that i would probably end up getting hurt if i had a relationship with him. my current bf is a very sweet person. but we just don't get along as we have very different expectations from a relationship....trust me we both tried very hard (And this roommate pretty much knows all of it... he saw all the good/bad stuff that happened). i guess it has come to a point when im feeling liek i just have to get out of it because theres no point of being miserable for so long. my feelings for the roommate are not a result of this though... i knew him even before i met my current bf. it's just htat recently i realized that my feelings are too strong to ignroe them and maybe its just worth taking a chance. thats why i sent him that email... but felt horrible right away. i'm confused because i dont want to ruin my friendship with either of them... and maybe that is possible if i back out now saying i made a mistake and he should forget it... or i can actually try to see how he feels... which is not very clear to me based on his reply. im just so confused and sad right now.

My relationship with my current boyfriend has been pretty bad for the last couple of months. Before I started my relationship with him, I was intersted in his roommate/friend- but although he was giving me hints that he liked me, I ignored those because he has had many girlfriends whereas I had not really been in any serious relationship up until that time. I decided to go out with my current boyfriend instead and this relationship has turned out to be a pretty bad one- at least we are both sure that we are not meant for each other. So the roommate was away for a few months but came back recently. I realized while he was away that I had feelings for him and he has many of the things that i have recently realized i want from a boyfriend and is sadly missing in my current one... he likes to have space and i don't etc. so i broke up with my bf last friday and then the next day, after a lot of hesitation, i ended up sending an email to the roommate saying that i liked him. but the next day i saw how miserable my ex was and since he was under a lot of study related stress, i decided to go back to him. but at the same time the roommate responded (ps keep in mind htat he is a very good friend of my bf as well) saying that he was very surprised and htat he had no idea... he also said that he was happy in a way.. because "it's amazing to know that someone you respect and you think is interesting and intelligent feels that way about you." On the other hand, he said he felt terrible since it could be a kind of awkward position as he lives with my ex/current. and said that it could get to be an ugly story and that it was scary.... then he suggested that we talk about it "live" and asked me to have dinner with him. I guess my first question is, did he basically reject me politely? (he is a good friend of mine too).... or is he intersted at some level but hesitant because of the "roommmate" issue.... i know my current relationship will end soon.... we have both tried very hard to make it work but we are just too different. so i know i need to break up with him sooner or later.... but about the roommate... i'm totally confused. should i just back out saying i was frustrated with my bf and got sentimental and sent that email- so he should forget about it.... or what should i do? please advice.... im so confused right now.

thank you for responding. yes, i guess i am also worried not about the fact that he has sex with other women in his dreams, but that he could actually mention it to me (although i had to bug him a lot to get him to say that). so you guys think it's perfectly normal for men to dream this way about random women that they haven't even seen in years?

Thank you both for your replies. I understand that he has no control over it. I guess what bothers me is the fact that he is having the dreams. does that mean he is not that attracted to me? or doesn't have deep feelings for me?

This is probably a silly question. How often do men have erotic dreams at night? Also, is it very common for men to dream of having sex with other random females when they are in a serious relationship? i just found out my boyfriend has these erotic dreams at ngiht and often its not me who is in it i feel very disturbed although he kept telling me repeatedly that he has no control over it. I am having a hard time dealing with it. Any reply will be greatly appreciated.