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Npgirl09

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  1. Hi blue castle, Thanks for your response, I appreciate it very much. We have talked about it a lot actually. When I first met him, he was a frequent smoker and I did mention that it wasn’t my thing and I wasn’t sure if I was ok with it. I continued to get to know him and as of a month ago now he decided to quit smoking for 6 months. He claims he decided to do this to kind of ween himself off of being a daily smoker and to prove to himself that he does not have to do it every day. He said it will always be part of his life in some way though so I know this is not here to stay.
  2. Thank you for responding, this is very helpful!
  3. Thank you for your advice, I guess it is as simple as that!
  4. Hello, I’ve been dating a guy for about 5 months that smokes weed. He is 28 and I am 25. I have never done it before and have zero interest in ever doing it. I am not against people doing it as I believe anyone has the right to do whatever makes them happy and I understand it is not that harmful of a drug. I also understand that not everyone who smokes weed is a “pothead.” This specific guy is still motivated about life, has a great job, etc. I like him and wanted to keep an open mind and take things day by day , but I’ve been soul searching lately and concluded that this will be an issue down the line as I strongly prefer to not be around weed or around him when he does it. This would obviously make things really hard if our relationship progressed and we were to live together, get married, etc. I’ve realized I need to end this, but I don’t know what to say without coming off as judgemental. The last thing I want is for him to think that I’m judging him for smoking, as I definitely am not. Could someone give me advice on what to say to end things for this reason without sounding judgemental? Thank you
  5. Wow thank you all so much for your comments. You have provided me with so much information that I did not know. It was also interesting to read that some of you have dealt with this yourselves and have gone out to figure out what was the cause. Thank you guys for sharing your stories. So I did end up mentioning to him that it “bothered me.” I took the plunge when he asked me how I had slept the night before and I said not that great because of his coughing in the early morning. I mentioned the reasons why it bothered me and how long I had noticed it had been going , while also mentioning my concerns for it and him. He responded with “ there’s nothing wrong with me.” I repeated some of the facts you guys had provided in this post to him, but he kept mentioning he had gone to the doctor before and nothing came back. I kept pushing that he get it looked into because I didn’t think it was normal, but I didn’t see much of a reaction to that. I can’t force him to go get it checked out of course. He kind of made a joke about the whole thing, and then even said he was NOT going to stop coughing like that. Later he said he was trying to not do it though. I was kind of annoyed of course. I have yet to see if he makes an effort to not to do it as I haven’t spent time with him since that convo though. I always thought it was a tic, but This could be a serious thing though as some of you have mentioned. If he keeps doing this cough, I honestly don’t know what else I could say.
  6. Whether OP reads this or not. Your regret of terminating the pregnancy will be greater than keeping the baby at this point, because you’d be terminating it JUST because your ploy did not plan out accordingly. This man most likely won’t even continue in this relationship after this whole situation anyway.
  7. Thank you all for your responses and some of the information you have provided on what his issue could be. It could definitely be any of those things mentioned. I have tried to not zero in on it so much and appreciate other things, as he is a really nice guy. As mentioned, I don’t care about it sometimes but then it really gets to me other times because it is just so loud. I hate to sound dramatic, but it actually hurts my ears sometimes when he’s really close to me or when we’re on the phone. And as others have mentioned, it’s getting a little unattractive too I can’t lie. I’m sure he would feel the same if I was coughing like that all the time too. I have talked to him about getting it seriously looked into, but he seems very uninterested in that. He does work in healthcare I might add so would have very easy access to get it looked into if he wanted to. Even while at work he could ask around so it looks like he sees it as unimportant. He’s claimed he’s had allergies since he was young, but others mentioned it might be one of those tics he just can’t help but doing and doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. This appears to be an all year thing. Could anyone suggest a way to broach the conversation about how the coughing is bothering me in a nice way? I don’t want to come off as rude. I have hinted at it sooo many times, and thought I was being pretty direct with my comments, but that’s clearly not making any sense to him.
  8. I’ve been with my bf for a year now (me: 25, him: 31) and I recently took notice to this cough that he does. It’s kind of like a combo of snorting and then it sounds as though he’s about to spit out phlegm in his throat. (Note-he is not a smoker, has never been a smoker.) Thinking back to the year we’ve been together, I think he’s always done this but it stood out to me at the beginning of this year. There has not been a single day that has gone by that he doesn’t do it since I took notice, and he does it throughout the day. Now the times he has spent the night, he has woken up in the middle of the night multiple times to do it in the bathroom. My apartment is super tiny so I wake up and have to hear it which makes me mad because it throws my whole sleep cycle off. I can imagine it really sucks for him too. There are periods of time he doesn’t do it for a few hours or if we are at a restaurant, in public, or meeting with a group of people we aren’t too familiar with. I think he is cautious and makes sure to not do it. The second we are alone though he will begin to do it again. There are times I have said “That cough doesn’t sound good, are you getting sick?” Or “have you ever gotten that cough checked out?” Or “you’ve been coughing all day, are you ok?” His response is normally just “I don’t know” or “I don’t know what’s going on” or “This is not a cough, I’m clearing my throat” or as of lately just flat out ignores me and changes the subject immediately. He had been to the Dr. a few months ago and got a chest check up when he was sick and didn’t have any issues, so I don’t think he actually has any type of inflammatory issue. I feel so bad because it looks like it’s something he can’t help but doing, and after researching online it could be a tic. My dad did this type of cough most of my childhood and the sound of it has always bugged me so I guess I know where this stems from. Of course I know that I do/say things that annoy him all the time, so of course I’m not perfect. I understand this could be immature of me and I should fully accept it if I care about him, but I’m having a hard time fully getting over it. There are days It doesn’t bother me at all, but then there are days that do. Has anyone ever dealt with this before? Can anyone give me any tips on how I can make myself not care so much about this? I believe that telling him it bothers me would be extremely rude as it would be the same as him telling me he hates it when I sneeze; it’s something we can’t help but do. Please help.
  9. I’d say ask him in 6 months. If he responds with anger/annoyance/disbelief that you are bringing this up again, time to get out of there and never look back. That will make it crystal clear in my opinion.
  10. “ I have never quite understood the power he has over me and why I am so drawn to him, although he is very self assured and driven and doesn't overthink like me. I suspect my daddy issues and his qualities that I don't have might be partially why I feel addicted to him like a drug. I know I love him, but there is also something else going on because I have never been incredibly happy with him. I like to communicate and talk things out and he was never willing to really do so with me and wouldn't go to therapy, so I struggled with feeling very alone in the relationship. He also tended to ignore my feelings and dismiss me and I felt very neglected emotionally, though the sexual chemistry was very strong and we went on some great trips.” Wow, my relationship with my ex was to exactly like what you mentioned above. Insane. Anyway, I was also completely wrecked after my relationship ended after 3 years about a year and a half ago . All of the advice that everyone gave you above is great. Something that really helped me every time I thought about him and the relationship, was to tell myself that I just needed time and that one day I would not think about him anymore and would no longer feel pain in regard to that relationship. About 10 months later, I started to notice that I would think of that relationship less and would no longer feel pain anymore while thinking about the past. Please know this will happen. It’s going to take awhile but there will be a day that you will be free of the pain. Good luck to you!
  11. I know you said he still wants to hang out , but I would like to advise you to be very careful from this point forward. Processing a breakup happens in weird ways. At the beginning, he probably felt like he was ready to open up to a new person, but now it looks like he just started processing the breakup. He may still have feelings for his ex that he needs to get over, yet he still enjoys your presence as a distraction. It doesn’t really matter at this point that you had a bad temper. He’s not ready to be with ANYONE right now. You can hang out with him, but you need to understand that you most likely won’t be the girl he’s going to date next, at least not any time soon. It sounds like he still has a lot of communication with his ex and still has a lot of drama surrounding all of that to go through and it can take awhile. If you’re up for sitting back while he does all of that breakup processing all while putting you on the back burner and you crossing your fingers that he will seriously date you after it’s all over , go ahead but in my opinion you are far better off forgetting about him. When you find the right guy, it will not be this complicated.
  12. Hi there, I came on this site specifically looking to see if anyone had a similar issue to mine and here it is! I feel exactly how you feel. I’m 26 and have been with my bf for a little over a year. When I met him, I really liked him and felt that he had most of the main qualities I was looking for in a long term partner. I have also been in love once before (3 year relationship and had lived with the guy, but he ultimately was not as serious about the relationship as I was in the end). I did fall in love with my current partner about 6 months into the relationship, but it still wasn’t this strong feeling I had felt before. After a few months though, I started to not feel as strong as I wanted to feel. Or I at least wanted to mirror how much he appeared to like me. He’s a nice guy that is respectful of me and goes out of his way to show me how much he cares about me. We have fun together and can talk for hours and I can actually open up to him about deep topics, which is also something I struggle with with other people. At the end of the day though, I don’t feel as strongly as I want to. I do also understand though that love is not just a feeling, but so much more and ultimately a decision we make towards someone every day. I am just as confused as you are regarding the notion that one should marry only someone they are deeply in love with. I see my friends that we sooo in love with their partners, and I wonder why I can’t be the same. I have so many thoughts surrounding this but no conclusion. I guess I figure that as long as you are generally happy and not unhappy with your relationship the end of the day, everything will be ok. I can’t give any more input as I’m confused myself, but I wanted you to know that you are not the only one with this struggle. I understand how stressful feeling this was is, as it is something that makes up your entire future. May I ask how long have you guys been together? Do you live together? Has he ever mentioned feeling any way similar? Have you mentioned feeling this way to him?
  13. Thank you to everyone who responded and had provided their opinion, I appreciate all insight. I look at my situation a bit differently thanks to the advice provided.
  14. Thank you everyone for your input so far. The water bill is included in my rent, but not the gas bill so hot water is a charge. If I already have food at my house, we will eat that, but if we go grocery shopping he will pay for the groceries if he is planning on making a recipe so The groceries are enough groceries to make one meal. As for dates, it’s split. If he pays for our dinner date one night, then I’ll pay for our lunch date the next time and so on. I must also add I tend to drive us around more than he does as well. I’ve tried to put a stop to that but I live in a busy area and he doesn’t want to lose his parking spot. He makes a lot more money than I do, but It’s weird because it’s is not about the money really. I’m just starting to get annoyed that he’s never bothered or considered to chip in.
  15. Question: To split a portion of rent/bills or not if your partner stays at your place a few times a week, but you never stay at their place. My bf and I have been together for 1 year.We are in our mid to late twenties, both have steady careers and make good money for our age. He lives at his mom’s house in order to save for a home and the fact that he will be starting grad schools soon and I have my own 1 bedroom apartment. Ever since I got my apartment last year he had been staying at my place a few times a week, and then it turned to some weeks at a time. The last few months, he has only been staying at my place 2-3 nights a week. Let me add in, I never stay at his house because his mom lives there so that would be strange. My question is, should I be asking him to help pay rent or some of the bills? I’m starting to feel like it’s unbalanced that he stays at my place and uses my toiletries, and has also not offered to help. If it were me, I would have offered to help months ago. I must also add in that when we got out to eat we tend to split the expenses as in he pays one time then I pay the next time. Thank you for your input in advance.
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