Izac1789

That’s very true, I’m not quite sure what I was thinking considering contacting again. Thanks a lot for the replies, it’s helped me to see things much clearer

Thanks for the complete honesty - I appreciate it. I’m so glad I posted on here again, I’ll be sure to stop here. Thanks

Thanks for the response. I meant for her to give closure to me rather than the other way around. Still finding it hard to let go, but I agree with your points made - I certainly won’t contact her, I am glad I posted again as I didn’t see it that way.

I am considering texting her to apologise for asking her the questions about her sex life & for being upset she got with another guy but I hope she understood why it upset me. And to ask her what she’s thinking about it now? I’d rather her give closure if that’s how she feels or what she wants, or is this a bad idea to message?

Fast forward 10 days and still nothing from her. I’m finding it hard that before she left to go away it was so loving, and then now nothing. When she apologised for getting with another guy she said she just wanted to see me and to sort things out, but she has not let me know if she wants to meet and sort things or just call it off for good, and it feels so open ended. I obviously tried on the Sunday she was back to ask when she was home and she said she felt I was being controlling. Would you have expected a message to let me know that that is it for good if she’s thinking that?

I am going to, my mind is made up to let this go and move on. I suppose I don’t even need to let her know unless she gets back in touch. The last thing she said was she can’t talk to me right now as it was making her feel anxious

Definitely agree with all of this - thank you. Its sad that it has been left on a sour note now, with her saying she does not want to talk to me right now as it’s giving her anxiety. I obviously will distance myself now and leave things completely, but if she gets back in touch would you suggest I apologise for being upset? Thanks in advance

I agree it was inappropriate, I really should not have asked her that question. You’re right, she has not technically done much wrong and it’s completely her right to do as she has done. But it just wasn’t a good thing for our possible relationship or rekindling. I Just wish we never met up again on the Sunday before she went, or wish we didn’t message when she was away etc, and I’d have never even known about it all.

I feel like I’m in the wrong now for being upset by what’s happened over the last week. I’m just upset the fact we had such promise after last Sunday, her to say she loved me on Monday then do that. I understand she is feeling anxious but I can’t help being upset what is everyone’s thoughts please?

Update: I messaged her on Sunday morning asking when she was home. She replied ‘not sure’ and that she’s not sure she wanted to see me. She was really sorry on Wednesday but on Sunday so short. She said she felt ill and not up to it. I stupidly asked her if she had been with anyone else in the remainder of the week? I was overthinking it all week and wanted to know as I was getting my head around it whether it was a mistake on her part initially as she said. she responded saying ‘No, I can’t talk to you right now youre giving me anxiety and feel like you’re trying to control me etc’ I understand I shouldn’t have asked her this question but just been a difficult week and didn’t expect this after Sunday. We never had trust issues really before this I responded saying ‘sorry you feel that way, I just didn’t expect this week to pan out the way it did after Sunday. It’s your life and your choices’ and then that was it.

She was being really off with me so I just asked her if she was ok, and it was like 5:30am (I get up at this time for work), and she replied so was checking she was alright as it was early.. I had such a bad feeling it was going to happen even before she went on the trip. She was being really short with me and that’s why I asked her had she been with someone else and she replied ‘ye, at the end of the day you made me single’. Once I was upset back at her she then was saying sorry more. I even am thinking in my mind that it’s possible she could have done it again by the end of the week as she’s home tomorrow The last thing that was said was on Wednesday after she had told me and she said to me ‘sorry 😔 would you not even want to see me again? If I came to see you at yours when I am back?’ And I replied ‘tbh I don’t even know right now’. And she said ‘okay, sorry I’ll leave you be x’ I haven’t spoke to her since, as she’s away until tomorrow and I don’t want to message her to say this is it for good whilst she is away as i don’t want to ruin her trip in any way

The not committing or the on/off after we broke up? I was in the happy committed relationship for a year. Perhaps I have commitment issues. I’m finding the whole thing difficult to distinguish between it not being right or whether it’s just me and my commitment issues

You’re right. There is a reason I had a bad gut feeling around everything & a reason why i felt I wasn’t happy and ended the relationship. I need to just remember this I want to be in a healthy relationship where there is no doubts / bad gut feeling, and I feel the events of this week her sleeping with someone else will just add more doubts & troubles.

Thank you for the input, it’s very sad as I keep thinking of the potential we could have had as everything ‘should’ have worked on paper, but it hasn’t worked out that way - that’s why we have kept trying back and forth, but until now none of us had slept with or made serious steps with anyone new. It’s definitely created a point where it now must end - perhaps it will help me to accept it. time to let go - I agree. Thank you

Thank you so so much for the advice. I will message her something along those lines and then cut contact and move on with my life. I’ve been hung up on this for too long now. Thanks again 🙏

Thank you, I just want to be happy in myself once again and not have it drag me down. Can you suggest ways to help move on? We don’t follow each other but am thinking I should just block on social media & messenger to make it easier

We first met 3 years ago, where she then left to travel the world with a friend for 6 months where we cut contact end went our separate ways, and when she got back that time, we reconnected briefly but I already had a trip booked weeks later too so again went our separate ways. We only really got together in a relationship in April 2020 and broke up April 2021

It’s hard to pinpoint, but we first met 3 years ago and a lot has happened in between. Im not sure if it’s a build up of everything, but at the year mark of the relationship I just lost the want to do anything together and plan things, kind of like ‘the ick’. I still found her super attractive though and still see her in a romantic way. I hate that I’ve been on/off and it wasn’t done on purpose, I was just trying my hardest to make it work again. I too feel the damage is done now, largely down to me being in and out and putting myself and her in this position, and also her doing this just days after discussing our future going forward even if it was not set in stone. It’s just sad and upsetting seeing the possible potential. We even discussed life goals, plans etc and ensured they aligned

The person I was seeing wanted to travel with me, but when we were together I felt a bad gut feeling around it all, I got to the point where I was avoiding planning anything in the future together. I’ve had relationships in the past but now we have broken up it made me realise it wasn’t the standard loss of interest / fizzling out and in fact there was a deeper love. I’m struggling to distinguish between having made a mistake and wanting to reconcile or if it’s a usual process of a significant break up. I find myself avoiding planning trips myself now as I think i would want to do those things with her.. I stopped making an effort near the end due to the bad gut feeling around it all and sometimes wonder if I had given it more of my all it may have been better back. After thinking all this and then meeting Sunday it was pretty clear we would try to move forward together when she got home from her skiing holiday and we mentioned how to work together I.e spend more quality time together, and make more of a commitment to plan future things. However, after she slept with someone else I just feel completely taken back by it and sick at the thought. I will say that this whole time she has been clear she wants to try again and has been whole heartedly open about how much she loves me & says she can imagine a life with me. I understand she is single and that’s my fault, but just feel hurt that it felt we were on the same page to work at things and then she can risk that for a drunk one night stand. We discussed on Sunday that we should be exclusive to one another if we want to make a proper go of it and if it happened we wouldn’t be able to try again. She seems very apologetic

Thanks for all of the responses. It’s just when we were talking again and on Sunday, it felt like when we had first met and we both talked about making that commitment and giving it a proper go and not be on/off or seeing each other. I guess everyone is right, that the relationship has run it’s course and it’s time to give it up. I just feel completely deflated as 8mos of back and forth I felt in a position where I was ready to make that commitment

We spoke in depth about all of the issues we had and one of which was my future travel plans and we spoke about how we could do those things together and it could work that way. I was always thinking of my future plans abroad as as I had always done them alone was struggling to bring someone else in on those plans. Time apart helped me see that and that’s what we talked about on Sunday. I admit we did not make a commitment to one another there and then, but over text the next day I apologised for the way i had been on/off in the past but was ready to give a proper go of things. She really hasn’t done anything wrong as she’s single but just did not expect her to do this after the promising chat we had only on Sunday and moving forward.

I’ve posted on here previously about an ex that I broke up with 8 months ago, but was on and off with over a period of time. I broke it off initially and then we were on/off for a while but I couldn’t commit to her, as I kept having a bad gut feeling. We decided to cut contact 3 months ago, however we both felt the time apart made us realise we both still wanted it and ended up in contact again for the last two weeks or so. We met up on Sunday and discussed a lot of things and it was really nice, we didn’t say that we were back together at that point but it was left that we would hopefully meet up again soon and work forwards together. She went on a skiing holiday on Monday and on Monday morning text me saying she loved me and that it was great to see me again and hopefully we can do something when she is back. We spoke briefly Monday when she was there and then Tuesday she sent me a couple of pictures, this morning woke up and she was being really off / ignoring me. I asked her was she ok and she said she ended up sleeping with another guy last night when she was drunk. I completely get that she was single in her mind and I’m not saying she is in the wrong, but I just feel physically sick after discussing everything on Sunday and then for this to happen. It was my fault that we have been on/off as I couldn’t commit but felt I was at the point where I’d be able to and be ready for a relationship together. We even discussed travelling together & our life goals , family etc. where do I go from here? I’ve responded to her very upset and saying I can’t believe she would do it, and she is away for another week

As she knows I enjoy travel, and it was something I used to talk about, she said to that if I go then that would be it for us forever on her part. It’s been 6 months since we broke up, and the couple of times we did try to reconcile I would still have a bad gut feeling or have the feeling something was missing. I still can’t confidently say I want a relationship with her again now, I accept Im not completely over her do thats perhaps why I was hesitant to book, but I have now booked my trip away, we were not going to get back together so this is what I want to do right now and if she feels that’s it forever because of that then I can’t control that Looking forward to getting away and enjoying the new experiences

Hi, I have posted previously about a break up and getting back together etc and am struggling to let it all go and move on with my life. I ended a year long relationship back in May and was struggling to accept it and move on. And we were on/off for a while as per my previous post, but even when we were spending time together again i would have a feeling that it just wasn't right or if i was truly ready for being settled and not have complete freedom. Freedom to travel on my own and explore the world on my terms. Anyway, i was struggling with moving on and posted around a month ago about it and whether i should get back in to something with her or not. As i still had doubts i decided it was best to cut contact completely which i have done. Even after a month of no contact i am finding it hard to accept it still and to move on. I keep thinking of the possibilities and the things we could be doing together if we were together. Is it normal to still be feelings these things so far on? I find myself at a cross roads, where i have no work over the winter period and usually would go away and travel which is what i love to do. Experience different cultures across the world. I have sorted a VISA for Indonesia until March, but i feel if i do go away then that will be it for my and my Ex. I know i shouldnt be considering that because we are not even together, but finding it hard to let go of it and just book to go away without her and that be it Should i just book and go? Thanks in advance..

I agree, time is needed. thank you