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  1. I know she will never change it is how she is. Yes I am afraid that I wont find anyone else & that's probably part of the problem
  2. I am trying to figure out why I haven't done it already. It's like I am holding on to something. It has crossed my mind that she might of changed but then I have to remind myself that if she;s not changed after 2 years & 30 break ups it's highly unlikely although she did apologise at first & said that she had realised she had been an idiot. But, in the next breath she said "you're not perfect but you tried" this immediately rang alarm bells!
  3. Yes I have had a enough! I know I need to block & delete everything & I will.
  4. I can see the madness but my heart has the tendency to try & take over. I have blocked her Facebook but not her number or email. She tried texting / phoning / emailing me but I have ignored everything & it's now stopped for a month.
  5. Thats terrible :( but I understand fully how you must have felt as I kind of feel the same even though logically I dont. It's a fight between my mind & heart but luckily my mind is winning. She once said that she thought of other men when we had sex because I didn't do anything for her & I still took her back & continued to sleep with her thinking that she was probably thinking of some other guy. This sort of stuff really damaged my already low self esteem but she apologised & said she didn't mean it so all was ok :/ I am not attending anything apart from spending time w
  6. Sorry if I sounded patronising or cruel. It sounds like you had a very difficult time but I am glad you feel better now. You must know how I feel then if you were contacting him when you know you shouldn't. It took me 2 years to build up enough strength & it been 4 months now & I have resisted her hoovering attempts but it is still hard. It has really messed with my head. She broke up with me constantly plus made me feel so low & worthless. All I keep seeing in my head is her calling me grotesque & how I am below her. This then makes me think that I may have been better just pu
  7. Yes I agree as why else would I put myself through this for 2 years? My parents were always fighting & i was always trying to fix it plus due to a rare medical condition I was made to feel different has a child. I now believe that the combination of this has led me to have this belief that I need to fix things plus my self esteem is so low I believe I do not deserve any better. I have blocked her on Facebook but I have a business account which I was using to look at her profile. I know I need to block this too. I have no idea why I keep looking at her profile. It's like I am looking for
  8. Just because you were able to address your codependency doesn't mean everyone else would as easy. Look at it this way. There is obviously something wrong with me somewhere. Why would I keep putting up with this s**t. It's either trauma bonding or something else that I need help with. I had 8 sessions of therapy which helped me to stop it & call it a day. I didnt say I wanted to contact her I said "There has been times when I have felt down & almost contacted her but I haven’t & I have just tried remembering all the things above." She broke up with me over 30 times & I got
  9. I do logically know that this would of just carried on & on if I didn't stop it when I did. It has taken me a lot of work to get to the stage where I did stop it. I have been no contact now since before Christmas 2018. This is good for me as previously I couldn't ignore her. If I look from the outside & imagine my friend was going through the same I would have told him to get rid ages ago but when it came to me I found it so difficult.
  10. I had therapy towards the back end of the relationship. My therapist agreed that I had some codependency issues.
  11. You cant understand it because you clearly dont have some underlying problem as I do.
  12. It does help writing it down & rereading it. It makes me see that there was a lot going on that I should of not had to put up with. I know I cant go back now. Someone told me that if you go back to an emotional abuser it gets even worse as they know you are weak & the abuse just gets worse. She did say that I am stubborn & it will only be a matter of time that I contact her again once I know I have made a mistake & then it will be too late as she will have moved on. She was even trying to manipulate me saying that. She contacted me the 2nd time after the final break up &
  13. I dont want to get back with her but I have considered making contact with her which I suppose is just as bad. I can see logically that it was a very toxic relationship.
  14. I know deep down it was the right thing to do but I have must have some kind of problem like codependancy. I cant understand logically why I would put up with things like that. Anyone else would have finished it after the 2nd or 3rd break up. Why did I carry on? All I can assume is that I have a very low opinion of myself.
  15. After 2 years & over 30 occasions of my ex-girlfriend breaking up with me I called it a day! This was 4 month ago in 2018 & I am still finding it difficult. The last time she broke up with me she said she didn’t love me any more & her life was better without me. Previous to this I managed to set some boundaries & I told her that if she broke up with me one more time then it was over. She called this manipulation but I stood my ground. After we broke up she tried getting back with me telling me she had made a mistake etc. I stood my ground. She came back a few weeks later ac
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