This is probably really long but I would greatly appreciate it if you read it because I really need some advice. My dad has been mentally abusive since I was a small child. Probably 4. Not just to me, my whole family but I was targeted most. Growing up was hard around him. He would take his anger out on me a lot. Blame things on me that I didn’t do. And call me names. I was called fat, ugly, worthless and many more terrible names growing up. He would trash my room, yell in my face, and punish me all the time. I am 21 now and it has damaged me so much.
There’s so many more horrible stories, but it’s too much to write. My parents would fight and my dad got even more abusive to my mom. Pushing her down the stairs, throwing things around the house, punching holes in the wall and he even kicked her out once. All of these memories will forever stick in my memory because I was young, (12) but old enough at that point to realize this shouldn’t be happening in front of me and my siblings. My parents didn’t get along finally and my mom divorces him. It has been 7 years of him harassing my mom through texts, calling her the most horrible names imaginable, him calling CPS on her, picking fights with her new husband, and putting us kids in the middle of it. If we say anything nice about her, he will get mad and yell at us, saying we are on his side. He will complain to us about her, just completely trash talking her and it isn’t right.
My brothers feel the same way as me, even though they weren’t targeted as much they have seen the abuse and grew up with is as well. They are also scared of him. Lie to him to make him happy.
A few days ago my dad calls me and says that he is scared he is going to be alone forever, he misses coming home to his kids and wife, and that he’s depressed. He says he wants to talk to my mother to “be on good terms”. He says the relationship wasn’t to the point of divorce! He kept repeating that. I usually go along with anything he says to avoid conflict. It’s like walking on eggshells, you have to be very careful with how you talk to him or he will explode. He calls her and it goes ok, then calls her again a couple days later and he picks a fight with her threatening to take her to court. Then gets mad at me saying that I am “on her side”.
At this point I don’t know what to do. He says he wants to have a relationship with me but if I am being honest, I am not comfortable with that at all. He obviously isn’t changing into a better person. At the same time he is my father and I feel like I should. It would be impossible to tell him this. How should I go about this? What do I even say to him?