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chandler123

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About chandler123

  • Birthday 07/28/1999

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  1. My ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. He broke up with me. It was my choice to take him off of social media right after the breakup happened, so we've had no contact ever since. I was really distraught at first, but overtime, I've been healing pretty well for the most part, keeping myself busy with exercise, school, work, casual dating, spending time with friends and family, etc. However, just the other day I accidentally saw my ex in public for the first time after the breakup (he didn't see me), and I really wish I didn't because a rush of emotion came back to me. It's almost like all my healing progress was for nothing now, and I'm back at square one again. I've missed him ever since the breakup happened, but now, I miss him more than I did at first, it seems. I'm not trying to rekindle anything. I would never try to do that - especially after the nasty breakup we had. I just would like to get back to normal and forget. Has this happened to anyone before? Any advice on how to bounce back?
  2. Disclaimer: this is going to be really long because I don't want to leave out any detail. My ex (we'll call him "Steve" aged 20) and I (aged 19) had been together for 3 months. I know that's not a long time, but we visited each other at least 2-3 times a week and talked everyday and became very close. In these 3 months, we never had a fight, we were both equally involved in the relationship, had met each others' family, went out on dates, and there were no trust issues. I couldn't have asked for a better relationship, honestly. Steve was very religous and wanted to wait until marriage, which I was perfectly fine with, so we did not have sex (or really even participate in any sexual activity during this time). I mention this in case it plays apart in the issue, but it may be irrelevant. We had also recently started saying the "L" word. He said it first. Maybe it was too soon, I don't know. I'm not a relationship expert, so I don't know these things, lol. A couple weeks ago, Steve started acting different. It was Tuesday (May 7) when he become dry and distant. I didn't think much of it as we all have our off days. Plus, we had just hung out the night before and had a great time. I asked if he was okay, Steve said he was fine, so I just left it at that. His new behavior continued for the next few days, and I started to feel paranoid that he was mad at me for some unknown reason. That Friday, I gave Steve a call and asked if he was okay again. I didn't want to be annoying, but I was worried about him. Steve told me that he had gotten in a fight with his roommate and just didn't want to talk to anyone. I respected that and left him alone for the rest of that Friday and Saturday. On Sunday evening, I tried to start up a convo with Steve since we hadn't talked in 2 days. He left me on read, which upset me. So, I called again, and Steve told me that everything was fine bewteen him and his roommate now. He had just been busy and didn't want to talk. Steve also said he didn't want to break up, but he didn't feel like talking, either. This upset me (and he knew it did), but I understood and decided to just let him get ahold of me when he was ready. The next Monday morning, I started a new job. Steve didn't wish me luck or say anything, which also kinda bugged me, but I just went on with my busy day, not dwelling on it. Finally, at the very end of the night, he sends me a message. He seemed to be in a better mood, asking how my first day at work went and if I wanted to hang on Tuesday. We had a nice time Tuesday, just like always. It was a short visit, though, because I didn't get off work until late and had work in the morning. So, I asked Steve if he wanted to hang again on Friday when I had more time to which he responds with "we'll see." I also asked because I knew Friday would be the last time we could see each other for awhile due to our personal schedules. On Wednesday, Steve tells me he's moving out from his apartment since he can't get along with his roommate. He has it settled that he will move back with his parents next month. And Thursday, Steve starts to become even more cold and unresponsive. So, I just wait it out again while he played tennis with his friend and cools off. On Friday, I didn't know if we were going to hangout or not because Steve never got back to me on it. We go without talking for awhile until he sends me a ty message randomly in the afternoon. I respond normally, avoiding confrontation. Steve was playing a video game, so I assumed we weren't hanging out. I know this sounds childish, but it upset me that he chose to play video games on the only day we would be able to hangout for awhile when he played tennis with his friend on Thursday and would have a boys night the next day on Saturday but couldn't squeeze me in on this one day he was doing absolutely nothing. I asked him when I would see him next and he said "idk." During these whole weeks, I was rarely able to fit in a whole conversation with him. I never even got to tell him about my new job or anything because he was so dismissive towards me. I tried to be understanding about Steve's fight with his roommate, but I also have personal issues of my own that I didn't let effect the way I talked/treated Steve. After wa stressful week a work, I send an impulsive text: "There's no point in dating if we are never going to see or talk to each other anymore." To which he responds with, "ok then." I didn't want to break up, I just wanted to go back to normal, but I called him to confirm the breakup I assumed was happening and asked if there was anything we could do to fix it. Steve tells me that he doesn't want to break up either (while sobbing a little), he admitted it was a good relationship, but couldn't be in a relationship where I am having "doubts" and "suggesting" a breakup. I explained that I wasn't trying to suggest a breakup, but instead, suggesting change or it'll probably lead to one because I didn't know how to deal with this new attitude he had developed (but I said it in a nicer way). Then, in the middle of me speaking, he says, "bye, Chandler" and hangs up the phone. This pissed me off, so I blocked him on everything (another impulsive move made by me, but I don't appreciate being hung up on during mid-sentence - especially when we were both talking in a decent manner.) We officially broke up Friday (May 17). I am just confused as hell as to why a perfectly good relationship ended so abruptly? I tried my best to give Steve enough space but still check up on him when I felt the time was right. In my perspective, it felt as if I was being "punished" in a sense for his issues with his roommate. I do blame myself and have regrets and would like advice on how to fix myself (for the future) if the breakup was indeed my fault. I sad that I lost this person in my life, who's company and conversations I enjoyed, but I am in no way looking to fix this relationship as it is 100% over. I would just like to know the opinions and thoughts of others (thanks to anyone who read this far into my story). *A note to consider is that for the last 2 times I told Steve that I loved him, he just brushed it off (ignored it) and didn't say it in return. Not sure if that was a red flag. *Another note, during the last phone call, Steve suggested a one month break, which I was fine with until he encouraged me to date other guys during this time because he didn't want me to "get my hopes up" in case he changed his mind about being with me during this break. I declined this proposal. *Besides the sobbing, Steve had a pretty nonchalant "take it or leave it" attitude about our relationship coming to an end, which hurt because I cared about him so much, but I also don't know if he was just acting like he didn't care.
  3. Thanks to everyone who posted any advice and thoughts about my situation. Over the past couple days, I have read them and re-read them constantly. I've taken ALL advice given into consideration and will be using it in the future. I'm glad that I decided to created an account and share my situation on this forum - if only I had joined sooner.
  4. Thank you so, so much for all your advice. I will use this as a learning experience, as you said.
  5. Wow, thank you so much for your message and advice. I am so quick to blame myself - I didn't even think about it that way. And these guys that I have mentioned in my post are all between the ages of 19-22. Thank you again!
  6. I enjoyed reading your posts as I am in the process of healing myself. Thank you for that. :)
  7. For my own personal self to figure out the qualities I want in a man or for others to read for a little laugh. I am a 19 year old girl (despite the boy name ) in college, so I've dated a lot of...interesting...men. However, I've learned something from all of them. Sam: my first "boyfriend." I was 15 and a freshman in high school. It lasted maybe a month or two? I barely count it. He still hits me up to this day, tho, and we are friends. Tim: my first love, my first heartbreak, my first of many things - my high school sweetheart, if you will. A short dude with a hella big attitude, who still had unresolved feelings for his ex. I was 17 going on 18. It was pure: second date, we had our first kiss; a month, he told me he loved me; 5 months, he gave me a promise ring; 7 months, he took my virginity; 9 months, it ended nasty. We lost contact and nearly a year later, to my surprise, he recently followed me on Instagram again. He is someone who I will never get back with even if given the chance, but I am mature enough now to be civil with. Jonathan: my rebound guy. I was desperate after my breakup with Tim. That didn't last long. Bad hygiene and no personality is a deal breaker. Sorry, Jon! I tried to be friends, but he ended up unfriending me on Facebook and removing me from Snapchat. I don't blame him, I'd hate me, too. Joe: my first in love experience, and ironically, the guy who also played me and hurt me the most. Also, Jon's cousin (weird coincidence ). I knew he was trouble from the first Instagram message he sent to me, "girl your gorgeous" (with the wrong use of your). He was 6'4, deep country accent, and made my heart flutter. There was only one flaw about Joe - he was an alcoholic who did drugs. Despite this, I loved him and was convinced he loved me, too, for he told me many times. He was my summer love, 3am phone calls, authentic and deep. After being on-and-off again for 3 months, I had sex with him for the first time only to find that he had blocked on everything (except Snapchat?) with no explanation the following morning. The worst heartbreak I've experienced. He has continued to watch my stories occasionally ever since, and I heard from him again back in Decemeber when he slid up on my Snapchat story. Forever a mystery. Josh: an emo, who I went on one movie date with. He was one year younger than me - a senior in high school while I had just graduated. It didn't feel right, so I cut it off, and he would send me passive-aggressive phone calls and texts. Called me every name in the book but said he didn't mean it later. Okay, Josh, whatever you say. I still hear from him sometimes. Nick: the first guy I briefly dated in college. He was 23 and going on his sixth year at college. I later found out that he prayed on freshman girls. He was a crybaby and had attachment issues. He cried when I told him what I got him for his birthday. I dumped him on his birthday (another coincidence). Plus, it would've never worked because I was still in love with Joe. We're Facebook friends, and he's dating yet another freshman girl. Surprise, surprise. Andrew: a guy from who I went to high school with. We flirted through Snapchat, and we hung at the park then went to my place, cuddled and what not, but he ghosted me afterwards. Thankfully, I didn't like him too much. He ended up adding me on Snapchat again later on and then deleting me. Weird. Later, Drew! Caleb: almost lover. 22, handsome, but too skinny. He was good to me, and I ruined things. But on the bright side: he lived over an hour away, which was stressful for me to commute, and I believed he was never going to commit. So, I didn't think it would work anyway. I believe his purpose in my life was to prove to me that there is love after Joe. Though, I wouldn't use "love" to describe my feelings for Caleb, I did like him a lot, and it did hurt losing him. Thank you, next.
  8. Thank you. I can see now that actions speak louder than words, and I will be focusing more on fun and finding myself rather than serious relationships. Thanks again - I do appreciate it.
  9. Thank you a lot for your advice and comment - I fully agree. I met him on online, we had mutual friends.
  10. And to @abitbroken and @DancingFool: yes, I get that. Thank you. Those are good points, and they are noted. The most recent two are completely on my part. However, I stated the first guy I was already in a relationship with for 3 months before we had sex, who said he loved me, and then ditched. There's no excuse for that.
  11. Thank you so much @bluecastle for your kind words and wonderful advice. Your post made me smile and think of this negative situation a little more positively. I appreciate it. :) And thank you, Mari, that's very kind of you to say. I wish that I knew the answers, too, and I agree, that would have been the better approach rather than to block just them.
  12. Thank you so much! That makes me feel a lot better, and I will be focusing on more innocent fun when dating instead of sexual in the future. Thanks again for your advice. :)
  13. Wow, thank you so much, Richey, for your well thought out advice. It is really insightful and eye-opening, and it has really had me thinking about my own self. I appreciate that you took the time to type everything out, and I will definitely be taking it all in. Thank you.
  14. Noted. Thank you to both the comments above. I definitely need to hear a male's perspective on it. Better I make these mistakes now than later, so I can learn from them.
  15. Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comment! It is great advice, and I will definitely be taking it. :)
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