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Menow

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  1. That’s my frustration showing. Yes, I was harsher than I should have been. she’s let me know that she had a vibrant and passionate life before me, and I saw some of that in the beginning of us but now she says she just doesn’t have the desire in general that she used to, and will only make love if she totally feels it. I’m not a very jealous type, but I do sometimes have visions of her with her previous guys making passionate love while I lay there frustrated and alone.
  2. That’s my frustration showing. Yes, I was harsher than I should have been. she’s let me know that she had a vibrant and passionate life before me, and I saw some of that in the beginning of us but now she says she just doesn’t have the desire in general that she used to, and will only make love if she totally feels it. I’m not a very jealous type, but I do sometimes have visions of her with her previous guys making passionate love while I lay there frustrated and alone.
  3. Things were great during the honeymoon period. We were best friends for months before we dated and the honeymoon lasted 6-7 months. I know things change but it’s night and day. We’ve discussed this many many times. She says she wants more emotional intamacy, but nothing I do seems to move the needle. She’ll say things were great for weeks and weeks, with no change on her end and eventually I let my frustrations creep in and I say something which upsets her and gets us off the rails. I have let her know that it’s hard to sustain the level emotional intimacy she wants while physically intamacy is being withheld. She says she isn’t withholding and I get plenty. And yes, she does like sex, it was very good early on, is still good when we have it (albeit mostly focused on her pleasure), and she’s let me know (uncomfortably for me) that she was active and passionate in the past before me, but that was in the past and she is post-menopausal and she just doesn’t have the desires she used to have. Unfortunately she then tends to avoid any physical affection or intimacy (other than a hello and good bye kiss and hug) because it could lead to me wanting sex. This partially true I guess, but I’ve been careful for a long time now with not pressuring her and it just seems to be a rut we can’t get out of.
  4. It’s not just the sex. The whole physical affection thing is mostly missing. She rarely touches me, often says things like my hands or cold or I’m tickling her if I touch her and rarely initiates any sort of physical affection. Yet she says she loves me, thinks I’m attractive etc.... just doesn’t act on it... says I should just know. I don’t think only teens want some physical intimacy and affection in a relationship... isn’t that part of a relationship? She is a great woman, but most of the time it’s like we are just friends, yet we are a couple, I’m fully supporting her since she went on disability and she plans on spending the rest of her life with me. I’m having a harder and harder time picturing that with an essential part of the relationship mostly missing.
  5. And that she’s never had any complaints before.
  6. Her position is she’s not 20 anymore and I need to accept it.
  7. I have been seeing a woman for 4 years. We started with amazing chemistry and still have it occasionally. I have been struggling for 3 years, much of our relationship, with a lack of physical connection. We can have good sex but it’s way too infrequent for me (sometimes every 2-3 weeks). I would like it every few days but would settle for once a week. We have talked about it a lot, but I often get “it’s all about sex” or “it’s not all about you”. She hasn’t initiated sex or given me a complement on my physical appearance in years. And I always focus on her and she has great orgasms but I have to ask for attention to me. She is post-menopausal, has had dozens of partners since she was divorced 15 years before we met and it seems sometimes she is just all used up. I can understand a decrease in desire but not the seemingly complete lack of interest in connecting with and pleasing her partner. She doesn’t touch me and doesn’t like to me touch her usually because it might lead to sex. I’m at my wits end. We have planned on spending the rest of our lives together but I can’t spend the rest of my life feeling frustrated and empty. I’m a smart, good looking guy and am quite well off and would have plenty of options if I wanted them. On top of it all, she needed to retire early for reasons I won’t go into here and I have been fully supporting her. Ug. I seem to be really negative on her, but She is an amazing woman in many ways I won’t go into here, we have a lot in common, have common goals and sensibilities and there’s a lot of positive things and we still click sometimes. I just can’t deal with the lack of physical affection and apparent lack of physical attraction anymore and am considering breaking up over this. Am I a bad person? Is insufficient physical affection a valid reason to break up in a relationship where there is otherwise love and connection? I’m almost 58 and I hear the clock ticking loudly.
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