My ex and I dated for about a month back in September, when things got deeper and he started to fall harder he ran, breaking up with me the day after our first serious conversation saying he “lost feelings for me”. 3 weeks later he popped back up, randomly sat with me one day at breakfast. After a few days of this I told him I wasn’t ready to be friends because I still had feelings, he said he did too and wanted to try again. After taking some time to think, I agreed.
October-February things were amazing. We grew so close and spent nearly all of our free time together. He actually was the one who almost seemed more into me than I was into him. He would call/text me all day and hangout with me every free second he had, he was always the one to initiate it.
Everything was going great. The only thing was he struggled with expressing his emotions and he would also get in distant moods once in a while. A few weeks ago, he told me he loved me for the first time. He was drunk, but when I asked him the next day if he meant it he said that he knew what he was saying when he said it. But then he suddenly got very distant. The next two days he would still come see me, but it was almost more platonic? Like he wouldn’t hug or kiss me or do anything other than lean against my shoulder. I finally asked him what was up and he said we needed to break up, that he lost feelings, basically the same thing as October.
I was devastated and blindsided, everything had been going so well up until things got serious again, how could he lose feelings two days after allowing himself to finally be vulnerable and tell me he loves me?
We broke up on a Wednesday and he avoided me the rest of the week, but then randomly sent me a snapchat that weekend (Sunday). Monday he asked to meet up and brought some of my stuff back. I expected him to leave my place after, but he just stayed. I told him I had class, but he sat there quietly like he wanted to say something and just watched me as I packed my bag. We made some small talk, but he still seemed so down. Before he left he hugged me which was odd because he had never been much of a hugger. We had ended things on good terms, there was never begging or pleading or nastiness. So what surprised me after Monday’s encounter was for the rest of that week he totally avoided me, would pull out his phone and look away if he saw me coming.
But then this past Friday I was eating at breakfast and he randomly sat with me. I was really surprised, but everything was pretty normal, he again was much more quiet than his normal self, but I made sure to be smiling and happy as if everything was fine. We ran into each other a couple more times that day, again totally normal conversation/interaction. And then Saturday he went back to completely avoiding me. He stopped snap chatting me, wouldn’t say hey in passing etc.
Today I was at breakfast and saw him there for the first time since Friday. He saw me and kind of shrugged at me and then went and sat by himself. This is the part I regret. I stupidly walked over to him before I left and asked if everything was okay because things seemed fine Friday but off again. He was a little dismissive, said “we talked on Friday?” I reminded him and he was like “ohh right, no everything is fine, I just wanted to get some reading done while I ate.” I said “ok good, just wanted to make sure I didn’t do or say something that changed anything” he restated that everything was all good and then I left. I feel like a total idiot right now for not just leaving it alone and staying NC. If things weren’t awkward before I feel like I definitely made them that way now. I probably came off as clingy and needy. How do I recover from this? If it wasn’t for his reappearance Friday I would not have said anything at all today, but I was curious what had changed where we suddenly weren’t talking again.
I still have hope that he’ll come back, mostly because I do not believe that he lost feelings, and because he came back in October after a nearly identical situation. Also last week (before he reappeared) multiple mutual friends asked me how I was doing and said that he was miserable, sticking to himself most of the time and when he did see friends he was irritable and down(he is normally a very hyper and outgoing person). He told one friend he didn’t know what to do now that he’s single. He said he wasn’t telling anyone about the breakup, so people only knew if they asked him about me. This is not the behavior of someone who is indifferent/lost feelings. I'm his first serious relationship and I think he has intimacy issues so when things get deeper than the light and fluffy stuff, or he's overwhelmed by his feelings, he cuts and runs and blames it on loosing feelings. I’m trying to move on, but I can’t help the gut feeling that he’ll be back again, if I didn’t mess everything up today by acting clingy/needy. What do I do from here?