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Raezzz

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  1. Hi, I’m hoping for some advice as I’m really at a loss with the child I look after. I started a job about four months ago with a three year old boy and I knew he had a baby sister on the way. The mother is home with us on mat leave and I usually take him out in the mornings and come back in to the house in the afternoons. when we’re back in the house with the mother the problems start with the child. I will get there in the mornings and he’ll tell me to ‘go away’ or ‘get out of my house’ and runs away from me when I try to get him dressed. Even if I just try to play with him he tells me to ‘go away’. He repeatedly kicks and hits me (sometimes in my face) while I try to get him dressed. This has just become really awkward as I’m supposed to be helping the mother out since she has a two week old baby. No matter how firm I am with him he just won’t listen when we’re around his mother. As soon as I’m out the door with him he listens to me and stops fussing. i have experience with this in other Nanny jobs where children are complete angels with the Nanny and change as soon as the parent is there but it usually gets easier after a few weeks. He woke up from his nap one day and when I asked him if he was ready to get up, he screamed at the top of his lungs ‘get out’ and took LEGO from the bed and threw several pieces at me one-by-one. His mum did intervene and took him out of the room to talk to him about how that is not acceptable. I know he wouldn’t behave like this if I was on my own with him. All I have to do is threaten once with discipline (us leaving the park etc.) and he will comply. His mother doesn’t believe in time-outs which I think work wonders especially when children are repeatedly breaking rules. In previous jobs I would hardly ever have to discipline as the kids would just listen as soon as I gave them a warning, therefore I would barely end up using the naughty step or any other form of time-outs. There’s nothing to warn this child about as there’s no consequences. The mother is a believer in gentle discipline which I think is great but it doesn’t work with him. The only discipline I’ve seen her offer was her leaving the room when he’s misbehaving but then he just has a tantrum and follows her, leaving me feeling helpless while he clings to his mother. I’m usually quite good with discipline but am finding it hard to do that around the mother as it’s a little awkward. If she had a set of rules laid out and consequences for breaking them, I would feel more comfortable dishing out discipline. Since the naughty behaviour is usually directed at me (e.g. throwing things at me or speaking rudely to me) I don’t want to seem like I’m taking things personally and I think I will if I’m disciplining him for it. It’s funny as the first couple of weeks with him were OK. I could tell he was ‘spirited’ and more tantrum prone than the average kid but it’s gotten worse. I think once he realised I wasn’t going anywhere he turned. I understand that having new Nanny and new sister in the house is strange for him however by what his mother says, his behaviour was the same beforehand. When we are alone together he doesn’t have bad as I’m good at controlling tantrums. When they start I get down to his level and speak firmly about the consequences of his actions. I also acknowledge his feelings and explains why his behaviour is wrong. I wouldn’t say he’s a complete delight when we’re alone either, he’ll often say rude things like ‘I don’t want to play with you.’ I try to play with him and do things he likes such as chasing, splashing in puddles, hide and seek which works some of the time but the mood changes as soon as he’s not getting his way. I do loads of fun things like bring him to museums, zoos, nice parks but he is extremely miserable a lot of the time. I actually went to bed thinking of all the horrible things he said to me yesterday and woke up thinking about him in the morning. He’ll say really weird things like ‘I’m going to cut you’ or ‘you can’t be in this house’ which just sort of make me feel depleted if I’m honest. I’m losing my enthusiasm to try bond with him. I have spoken to his mother and we were thinking of some strategies for discipline so hopefully it changes. Honestly this child is making me feel miserable and I can’t believe I’m even admitting that.
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