I desperately need advice, please.
I love my husband dearly, and it feels like he loves me too. He's got a lot of good qualities.
However, he has got to be the stingiest b****** this world has ever seen. It’s as if he’s innately reluctant, almost physically and mentally incapable, of parting company with money.
We are married, have separate bank accounts, both work full time and earn about the same. We’re OK off; not excessively rich but certainly not poor.
My husband is very price aware, if not thrifty. While my husband does contribute, I feel I end up paying the lion’s share of our expenses, simply because he is so intuitively slow to stick his hand in his pocket. Household bills usually don’t get paid until I pay them. He’s usually not got any cash on him.
Sometimes his behaviour drives me crazy.
Such as now for instance.
We’ve got two cars and he normally takes the bigger one (as he commutes every day, whereas I work from home some days). However, this morning, I was surprised to discover that he’d taken the little car, leaving the big one to me. When I stepped inside and saw the petrol indicator, I understood why. It was running low on fuel, so basically, in his constant endeavour to avoid spending, he’d left me to fill it up. He hadn’t asked me, just left it with me.
It’s not the only example; it’s as if he just cannot bring himself to give out his pennies.
We’ve been together for a long time – over 20 years – but this part of his personality still drives me crazy now and then.
I’ve tried to raise it gently in the past, but he always denies it and makes me looking like the bad one who’s keeping track of who pays for what. Sometimes it ends up as an argument, so I’m very reluctant to raise it again.
What can I do to get him to more willingly stick his hand in his pocket?
On a good day, I don’t worry about it. At least we’ve got enough between us to have an OK life. And I think that if we were ever to get divorced (not that we’ve got any plans) or he died then at least I’d get my share of his savings (he must have a lot!)
Other days, I feel angry, hurt, and as if I’m being taken for a ride.
What shall I do?