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Coyote

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Everything posted by Coyote

  1. Nope, still not fully Lets say 90% of her clothes are gonne, but she still has lots of other stuff over...
  2. So a few days back, I got a call from the ex...but since I wasn't near my phone I called her back an hour later. When she picked up, she was mad at me, because she did not believe my reason for not picking up the phone...I didn't have it on me, it was in other room and I didn't hear it. She didn't say it, but before ending it mad, she was being sarcastics, yeah right....I guess it was her jealousy and insecurity talking. In the hour while waiting for me to call her back, she probably pictured the worst reasons why I didn't pick it up.
  3. @ No1 Again thanks for the overwhelming words...everyone should read them, that's how uplifting are they! I know that everything you said it's true, it's just that sometimes its hard to be in the right moment in see and work only on yourself. @magicman89 If only would it be so easy :) I know lots of times it's us that makes everything harder than it is...anyway I'm still not really there, but also not as clingy on the idea of getting her back that I was. @AutumnBorn thanks for the cake analogy, it's great :) We're already beyond that, I already accepted and we sort of talked already...I knew what the problem was, so nothing new there, and I also accept my part of what went wrong. I'd love to hear more about shifting power and how to get some back...so please I'd appreciate it if you can write something about it :) thx!
  4. No1 you're so, so right! Thank you for this incredible post! I keep telling this to myself over and over again, but lot's of time I lack the focus, it's still on the ex, or some other BS, just not on me. I get to easily distracted with unimportant things and then I forget about myself. I do it very little step by step, but I know I could do so much more...that's always been my problem throughout my life, I lack the focus on myself and my success in life, and it's probably one of the things that drove her away. Thanks again, and I'll try to be the biggest priority from now on.
  5. I've just read my first post here, from which a month went by, and realized, that apart from some minor changes, I've done way to less that I should in finding my purpose in life. Sucks :/ My mind is just so stuck in ex and laziness that I just have hard time being productive. I wanted to start learning new language, and going out to few companies to ask for a part time job, being active in sport more, meditate more, etc...but I just can't get past that 50-50, of putting my effort further out, not just to start something. As far as reconciliation goes, we're pretty much still in the same place...none of us is actually moving forward. She still hasn't moved out, and I'm still stuck in past relationship (have good and bad days). We're basically addicted to each other - don't know how else to put this. This night she slept here (nothing happened, she wasn't up to it), and this morning I told her its best, that 'till the next time we see each other - this will be in 2 days due to work - its best we don't hear each other, to which she agreed. I wrote this mainly as a journal, so in few weeks, a month, I could see my progress...but if anyone has something he/she would like to add I'd appreciate it.
  6. This thread deserves to be on the top of the menu. Especially Zorba's post are very insightful. You must work on you, to increase the chances of reconciliation. No matter what happens in the end, you are way better then when started. Go and read his posts (Zorba), they are on first pages.
  7. Ok, I can't be sure, maybe I wrote that too fast, but I had feeling that if I had more confidence and not being always there for her, step a back little, that she would come back sooner. She was always scared of losing me as a friend when I stepped back a little. But I must say that we genuinely cared for each other, even when we were just friend.
  8. I also have some stories when exes got back: 1.) my cousin dated this guy for few years then broke up with him, started dating again and few years later, they again got together - they are now married and have 2 children 2.) me and my current ex, were dating for 7 years, when she broke up with me because of trust issues, we were apart 2 yrs before gotten together again...for the whole time while being apart we remained very close friends, she had some guys while I was too clingy and too afraid of losing her so I had none. Tbh if I had some balls, or would know how, we could have gotten back together much sooner. Now few months ago she broke up with me once again, because I neglected her and wasn't masculine enough. We're now in limited contact, so I don't know how will it end this time. I'm hoping for the best.
  9. ShatteredMan thanks so much for the input, I really appreciate it. I honestly know that I lacked masculine energy...that's the fact! I'm not saying she was perfect, because she was not. But I believe that me as a man should lead the relationship to a better place. I'm still working on myself, not as effective as I'd wanted too, but I am...taking little steps. As far as our "being on a "break/break up" goes, we're still on status quo. We still hear each other almost on a daily basis (initiated by both of us), seen each other few times (I've been to her home twice), she still has most stuff at "our" apartment...finally set a date for this Sunday, when we'll get together and decide how to move forward. Today I'm in a really bad mood, since I have a bad feeling about meeting on Sunday...it's almost like I was better at being nowhere than resolve a thing, too afraid of ending it...really messed up! It's like I'm projecting my fears onto her, on Sunday, and I'm already in a bad place, which up to yesterday I really haven't been.
  10. Her parents probably sense something yes, but they don't know as she never told them yet. She even lied to her mother, saying that we will go together swimming as we normally do on her birthday. She told me that in case her mother calls me. My parents also don't know since I never told them yet.
  11. Probably renting an apartment in my country works different than in yours. Its normal for just one person to be on the lease, also if we both would be on, we would have bigger expenses with it, so we saved little money by doing it so. That's not problem at all. But yes currently I'm the one staying in it...she's at home since its little closer to her work. But I always told her and she knows that, that if she wants she can stay here and in the mean time I will go to my parents. Btw, except for 2 of our closest friends, nobody knows about our problems and that we're on a hold in the moment.
  12. Let me answer some questions that came up: - only my name is on the lease of apartment, and we've been living 4yrs together...thats no problem since we or I can move out any time I like - as far as commitment and future goes, we are on the same page...but first we must have better relationship in order for other things to work...as I said we are very compatible and look on the life pretty much the same - no we never tried counseling - first time was about trust issues, she had towards me...I had some minor betting problems which I hide them to her (it wasnt about big money, but still I was hiding it, so I understood her) Yes it was selfish from me to not took care of medical problems, especially since our intimate life had to suffer because of it. I know I must stop all the contacts, but its hard. I've stopped initiating it, but she mostly contacts me in the morning when on work and we spend cca 30 minutes talking, before I then say I must go now. We always talked a lot, so its hard just to stop. Also last few times we saw each other, and I would say or do something stupid, she responded in a manner, by doing that your just making my choice easier. So I know she's still undecided what to do...but yes I know, she's not here so actions speaks louder than words. She's pretty straightforward person, and says what she means. I can't just let her go, but also can't be left on a friendship level. I'm afraid to give her an ultimatum, since I'm afraid she'll disappear from my life. Probably she senses that and she's taking her time with an ultimate decision.
  13. She lives at home atm, at her parents. And when she is at the apartment, then I'm at home at my parents. 2 days we've both been here at the same time...there we no bigger tension tbh. Thanks Wiseman2 for the answer. Yes, I know I must do things for myself and not for her. TBH I'm not satisfied the way I function, and yes that is what drove her away, all this "little" things, like what future holds for us, romance, etc I started reading some books, and have realized what being a man should be all about, and how to have a better relationship...I stoped caring about myself and took her for granted. Not saying she was perfect, cause she wasn't, but I as a man should lead and create better environment. So yes, I started working on me because of me (hope I also know that deep down).
  14. Around 3 weeks ago GF of 4 years said she would like to break up with me or at least take a break from our relationship, so she could figure out where she stands with us. We agreed to take a break, and when the timing will come we would discuss it. Since then we were in a limited contact, at first contacts were initiated from her side, now in last days also by me (it was her birthday). From my point of view we talked way too much as we should in order to get the clearer picture of us. Since then we talked 2 times of relationship, where she both times stated she would like to end it but very much like to stay friends with me (prior to this 4yrs relationship, we where also 7yrs together (2005-2012), but from 2012 - 2014 were split), I on the other hand did not agree with her, saying I would like to continue our relationship and am willing to make an effort to make it better. I'm not holding her here, she can leave and contact me if she change her mind, but if we break up I won't be able to stay friends with her (she couldn't believe that about friendship and was obviously devastated by it). Last time we talked about us was 2 days ago and there was no conclusion. Later at night I asked her about that, and she said why does it always has to be her making conclusions...I mean ?! I'm not the one wanting to break up (Didn't said that out loud). So I just said in a funny moment, ok, then we'll stay together and work on having betterl relationship, to which she replied "no" in an don't annoy me way. Our problem is/was, too little sex (I also had some medical problems down there, but was afraid to get it check out....since our broke up, I already went to doctor and am taking care of that), me not being man enough and being lazy (btw I have a job, which pays good and have lots of free time which I just waste it instead of working on something that makes me happy). We live together, but since our "break up" she's mostly staying at home and me in the apartment. She still has most of her stuff here, so basically were on status quo. We see each other maybe once/twice a week. I decided I will not initiate the contact no more, of course if she does I will reply, and I will try and work on my issues to be better person and have better quality of life. Of course I want her back as honestly we have a lot in common and are very compatible. Any opinions on the situation?
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