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KittyB123

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  1. Thank you! You made a great point that I think I have been missing all along when you said "love is infinite" Its such a simple concept but something I was completely overlooking. I think my past relationships coupled with the way that I was raised lead me down a path where I simply forgot this simple fact. I appreciate the reminder and I will be working on incorporating this into my life.
  2. I am clearly seeking help and dealing with my issue. I am not going to lose my partner for that very reason. I have identified a sick behavior and way of thinking that is the culmination of my life's emotional problems. I am now taking direct action to work on it and change. If you have read my responses to other comments you would see that I am holding myself completely responsible and I recognize the error in my ways.
  3. I apologized already for saying they were rude. And I was referring to those initial messages that offered nothing but for me to seek counseling. I have moved on from that. And yes I am sure there are several thinks that I need to work on all of which I am happy to do. The messages since have offered me insight into why I was behaving in this way and I am going to work on it all. Self esteem as well. Thank you.
  4. Thank You so much to everyone who took the time to reply to me. I'm sitting here balling my eyes out but this time its happy tears. It's really hard to have a mirror held up to you and to see where you have gone wrong but the beauty of life is that its never too late to change. I just texted my fiance a long mushy text message telling him how sorry I am and how much I love him. I told him that I'm sorry for anytime ive ever made him feel guilty for having a past for every time he struggled to make right what was only my own insecurities. I thanked him for his patience and his love and his undying support and he wrote me back the sweetest message. Thank you all so much. I am eternally grateful. I know its not just an easy fix but everytime this comes up for me I can think back to all your words and hopefully in time it wont even come up at all.
  5. oh wow thank you so much for this. This message made me cry. You are 1000% right and hearing about your wedding day and the feelings you felt really brought it into perspective for me. You cant know how much this meant to me but honestly thank you. You are right I may not be his first love but I damn sure will be his last! This thread has been so helpful to me truly. Sometimes you dont say things out loud and you get so stuck in your own thinking. You dont have anyone to tell you that you are wrong and give you another perspective. Thank you
  6. Thank you, and I'm sorry for seeming accusatory, I think I'm in a very fragile place right now. I appreciate what you said and I agree. I know the idea that he or anyone in his family would love our children any less is completely insane. I really do appreciate all the advice and it is forcing me to confront how outrageous my own behavior has been. I am embarrassed that I have even invested so much time making this an issue in a relationship that has brought me so so much joy. I feel stupid for making this a concern and I honestly am so determined to work on my issues.
  7. Thank you for your thoughtful response. I don't think it is a self esteem issue as others in this forum have (rudely) suggested. The issue that I am struggling with is not of self worth it is more about jealousy. But I agree that it is a form of self sabotage that I need to address and deal with because I don't want to ruin this relationship. I am also very happy to hear about your parents who found love after one unhappy marriage. Thank you again.
  8. Hi This is my first post on here so It may be a little long but hopefully some of you have some time and advice to spare Ok so I am a 30 year old female and I am recently engaged. Things with my fiancé are perfect. It is the healthiest relationship I have ever been in. Before him I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship and meeting my fiancé was like a breath of fresh air. The only problem is he has been married before and has 2 children from that relationship. The children aren’t the problem, we get along great they love me and when they are with us we are all very happy. The problem isn’t even his ex. They have not been a couple for 10+ years, she is re-married. They only communicate about the children and see each other in passing when they exchange the kids. The problem is me. I can’t get over the fact that I am not his first for anything. I know how petty and immature it sounds but part of me is almost angry at him that this won’t be his first wedding, that when we have children they won’t be his first. I know this seems so crazy because I willingly got in a relationship with him and I knew these things up front. I can only say in my defense, I have never dated someone who has such an extensive past before, especially one that is still connected to the present. I didn’t know that these feelings would come up as we started to make our relationship more serious. I didn’t know that when we got engaged, I would be wondering in the back of my head if it was similar to his last engagement. That I would become obsessed with trying to ensure that our wedding is completely different than his first. That I would only want to have girls because he has 2 sons already. I can’t shake the feeling that everything I am doing with him has been done before. He is so sweet and has tried to assure me that their relationship was nothing compared to ours, that he never thinks about their relationship or compares the two but I can’t shake the feeling. Most recently I found out his mother (my future mother in law) is still friendly with his ex. This sent me into a complete tail spin. I’ve always had the fantasy of having a mother in law I could be close with. And finding out that she is still close to his ex-wife really broke my heart. This has come up several times recently (during wedding planning) and it’s really starting to affect our relationship. My fiancé has expressed that he does not know what else he can do to assure me that things are different with us and that he is happier than he was before. I don’t know what to do with my jealousy and my feelings of being “second best” I don’t want to destroy this relationship and I wish there was some rule book on how to be a second wife. I would love to hear from anyone who has been in this situation and how they dealt with these feelings. Thank you.
  9. Hi This is my first post on here so It may be a little long but hopefully some of you have some time and advice to spare Ok so I am a 30 year old female and I am recently engaged. Things with my fiancé are perfect. It is the healthiest relationship I have ever been in. Before him I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship and meeting my fiancé was like a breath of fresh air. The only problem is he has been married before and has 2 children from that relationship. The children aren’t the problem, we get along great they love me and when they are with us we are all very happy. The problem isn’t even his ex. They have not been a couple for 10+ years, she is re-married. They only communicate about the children and see each other in passing when they exchange the kids. The problem is me. I can’t get over the fact that I am not his first for anything. I know how petty and immature it sounds but part of me is almost angry at him that this won’t be his first wedding, that when we have children they won’t be his first. I know this seems so crazy because I willingly got in a relationship with him and I knew these things up front. I can only say in my defense, I have never dated someone who has such an extensive past before, especially one that is still connected to the present. I didn’t know that these feelings would come up as we started to make our relationship more serious. I didn’t know that when we got engaged, I would be wondering in the back of my head if it was similar to his last engagement. That I would become obsessed with trying to ensure that our wedding is completely different than his first. That I would only want to have girls because he has 2 sons already. I can’t shake the feeling that everything I am doing with him has been done before. He is so sweet and has tried to assure me that their relationship was nothing compared to ours, that he never thinks about their relationship or compares the two but I can’t shake the feeling. Most recently I found out his mother (my future mother in law) is still friendly with his ex. This sent me into a complete tail spin. I’ve always had the fantasy of having a mother in law I could be close with. And finding out that she is still close to his ex-wife really broke my heart. This has come up several times recently (during wedding planning) and it’s really starting to affect our relationship. My fiance has expressed that he does not know what else he can do to assure me that things are different with us and that he is happier than he was before. I don’t know what to do with my jealousy and my feelings of being “second best” I don’t want to destroy this relationship and I wish there was some rule book on how to be a second wife. I would love to hear from anyone who has been in this situation and how they dealt with these feelings. Thank you.
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