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Austino96

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  1. Austino96

    Help

    I feel like I cannot breath in my relationship. My girlfriend constantly hurts my feelings by hanging up on me, blocking me, and saying just crazy things. We’ve been dating for a year, she caught me cheating 4 months ago. It took a lot for her to forgive me. I’m not sure if she ever had actually forgave me or what is going on. I told her I was sorry but I don’t think I did enough to show her as she says. A month ago I catch her taking to 10-15 dudes at one time in her phone. She lied even tho it was right in front of my face. She proceeds to blame me because I posted a picture on social media and she hates it when I do that. I guess I felt like it wasn’t a big deal to post on social media but she feels I do it for attention or to get girls. She said It was her way to feel better and get me back. Ever since then I’ve had a hard time letting it go. I know I should but she has started to just freak out. She doesn’t want me to hang with my friends because a girl was hitting on me in front of her. Now she doesn’t want me going out. She’ll at times just go off the wall with accusations and nothing I can or say can make her stop. She says the most awful things to me that makes me hurt so bad. She constantly reminds me of how easy it is for her to leave me. She’ll apologize for it but then do it again hours later. It’s became so toxic yet I still can’t find it in myself to end it. Like I forgot how bad it feels going through a break up. I want to be with her and all I ask her to do is to stop saying hurtful things when she goes on a rant. Then she acts like I’m crazy for saying something about it because of the cheating thing. I constantly pay for that and It’s always me trying to make it work. I’m just so sick of being hurt. I feel exhausted and mentally gone. We will break up but by this time tomorrow I would have apologized and tried to fix things but I’m just so tired of fighting. I hope it changes, but I doubt it is. I cannot bring myself to let it go. Overall I love her and I try to make her happy but she’s forgotten I’m a human being and at times can be so nice then treat me like a dog. I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck. I’m constantly stressed and hurt. I know I’ve made mistakes but I have been a caring bf. Just Idk how much longer my brain can take this. I want to leave but cannot find the strength to do it.
  2. My crypto’s crashed but they’ll bounce back even stronger. I’m more worried about rioting and just general chaos from it. As far as getting sick, I’m confident in my ability to fight it off(I hope).
  3. So it’s been little over a year since my breakup and I thought I’d post a little thoughts on how I feel about my ex, the situation and how I feel about it all. Over time I’ve came to the conclusion that I don’t blame her for breaking up with me. She only did what she needed to do to make her life better. Of course how she handled the financial split by not keeping her promises did upset me but in the end I still look at her very favorably. I found out that she did and insurance scam and scammed me out of a 1,100$. I texted her about it 3 months ago(first contact in 6-7months) about it. I know I came off as a complete by threatening small claims court but I honestly didn’t know how to handle the situation. I was only interested in the money by which I had proof from multiple people that she had screwed me over. She insisted it was all a mistake and that all these people from the company are lying but I know she was lying. She said she would fax me proof of what she was saying was the truth, I told her to text me a photo but she never did, so I just let it go. A month later she text my mom threatening to take me to court over the 1,100$(value of phone) that I paid for. This reason was because I didn’t pay a month on another loan(value) 400$ because I was mad that she screwed me over. I realized that it was stupid for me to do that so I paid it but my credit card didn’t go through because of an error, which caused my and her credit to drop SIGNIFICANTLY idk about hers for sure but mine did. It was a pure mistake on my part which I suffered for and I didn’t realize it until a month after I thought I paid it. TO BE CLEAR IT WASNT ON PURPOSE FOR ME TO MAKE OUR CREDIT DROP OR TO GET REVENGE. It was anger that turned into a mistake by accidentally typing the wrong number on a credit card. I realized quickly that it was stupid to sacrifice my own credit to get some meaningless revenge in which I got over quick. Company doesnt notify if payment fails FYI. She brung up our relationship, I assume to hurt me because she said some things like how much she didn’t care about me and how she hoped I’d burn in hell and a whole lot more things, i made myself out to be immune to this by sticking up to it. I said things I didn’t mean like idc about you or what your doing in your life. She told me about how she fell out of love for me way before she left me. It wasn’t my intention to let it go that far, but I felt the need to stick up to someone who was actively planning to do things to try an hurt me. I ended up letting it all go anyway which made me regret ever contacting her in the first place. 100% it was about the phone/money to me and not about the relationship. I didn’t tell her anything about my life and I know nothing of what she’s doing in hers. She did tell me during a long text message telling me how good she’s doing since leaving me but it also included how horrible of a person I am. It sucks because I do care about her, months ago I thought at this moment now I’d be over her and not thinking about her but I still think about her everyday, of course not as much or enough to text her or look her up online. I’m starting to realize I’ll never fully stop thinking about her. I still do love her and I think I’ll always will but it’s not the same. I miss things about her that I can imagine like it was yesterday but at the same time it feels like it’s been forever from the emptiness I feel about it. I feel like I have my identity now and I feel like I’m on track to a better life, but it’s weird because I still hurt about it and it feels good kinda. I’m glad I still hurt in someways because It shows me that I did care about her way more than I thought and that I do love her. It’s completely unconditional and I say that fully expecting to never see or hear from her again. I wish I could’ve been truthful and told her the truth of how sorry I am for the way I treated her and how I really do hope she is happy but I couldn’t because it just wasn’t right, the situation wasn’t right, she still hated me I know she probably always will so I had to protect myself from the hurtful things she told me. She clearly doesn’t care and I didn’t wanna be that guy professing my thoughts to a girl who just didn’t care, or have them misinterpreted for someone who can’t move on. I just don’t know her now but I still care and that’ll never change. Over time I realize that she hates me most probably because I made her feel like she deserved the treatment I gave to her, that maybe she was at fault for my horrible actions. She didn’t deserve that, no one who says “I love you” to someone deserves to feel like that. So many things I wanna say to her but I just tell them to myself sometimes because I pretty sure I won’t ever be able to tell them to her. In the current day I think that I’m different, I know what it’s like to love so much and get your heart ripped out and I think there’s some beauty I that(of course it would be better without the heartache that comes after). Life went on and it goes on I’m trying to do the best I can in it. I want a relationship of course, but I’m not ready rn work, living situation, etc. I stress so much that I won’t find someone to love who I wanna be with and that I’ll be lonely forever. It scares the crap outta me, but maybe someday it’ll happen and if it does it’ll be different and it’ll all be because of her and the people I’ve met since.
  4. I popped back into my exes life three weeks ago sorta... it was the first and last time it’ll ever happen. Learned my lesson on that one. Somethings are meant to stay dead.
  5. I was upfront with her that I didn’t know what I wanted. I feel guilty because I like her in some ways when I thought wouldn’t. It scares me a bit but I’m only interested in casual stuff. In this moment in my life I know I’m not ready for a relationship. I’ve been focusing on me and getting my own life together. I didn’t talk her into sex(she made all the first moves). I pride myself on being very easy going and comforting. I had good conversations with her and I like talking to her but I kinda felt myself getting drawn in by it. It’s scary because I could feel myself getting attached to the comfort she provided. In the end I knew what she was looking for and I knew I couldn’t be that.
  6. She thanked me for telling her before she got attached. She said that she saw red flags about how I explained what I wanted to her. She said she had already went through the hookup “faze” in her life. She said she was really bummed out and needed time to decide if she wanted to continue to talk to me as friends.
  7. Dude you’re like in my head for real. I have a tendency to explain things in the worst way possible. I really need to work on that. Thanks stuff like this is why I post it really gets me in tune with myself. lol you telling me to breathe. I post at the times when I’m feeling the worst lol. You can tell pretty much, I sent her that text at the height of me freaking out. Been feeling really good lately. This stuff caught me off guard.
  8. I sent it because she was acting very attached making plans for us on our days off, saying how much she missed me, telling me she likes me so much that she’s not talking to anyone else, calling me every night, I told her that I didn’t know what I wanted bc she’d ask me if I saw me and her going somewhere. I do like her but she lives 90 miles away and I work outta of town 5 days a week. I do wanna see other people casually but she wants to plan whole days together and nights. I want to see my friends and do all the single things I’ve gotten use to doing. Me sending that text was me showing I cared because I know how much it sucks being rejected. Her expectations put so much pressure on me if turned me off.
  9. So I met this girl. We went out twice and had sex both times and over the last 3 weeks talked on the phone a lot and texted a lot. While I wasn’t extremely attracted to her she was pretty and I enjoyed her personality. I’m open to a relationship but atm in my life I don’t want/need one. The last time I hung out with her I wasn’t feeling it, like I didn’t even wanna have sex with her I just wanted to go home. I feel like if I’m already feeling this way then It’s definitely not gonna work. I’m working on getting my life together and just enjoying casual hookups. I’ve had a lot more success in dating lately and just enjoying being single and discovering new things about myself. So today I told her the truth. —“I am afraid of being in a relationship. I don’t really want a relationship. I feel pressured because I don’t feel like I’m in a place in my life that i can make someone happy. I’m horrible at keeping small talk away from someone. I’m afraid of being tied down because I haven’t actually haven’t ever been single without being in that get over someone stage. I feel like for the first time in my life I am free and happy being myself. Of course I don’t fret away from the idea of being with someone I like or could possibly see myself with. When I feel pressured from someone I get distant because I feel like I’m not living up to someone’s expectations and I don’t want to disappoint or hurt someone’s feelings because I know how it felt for me when someone didn’t want to be with me. I am not saying you did any of these things but I do feel like I’m not gonna make you happy or that we are on the same page on some things. I like you and spending time with you. The fact that you live kinda far away is starting to get to me a bit. Like driving there on my days off possibly every time I off work will get old to me. All of this feels like it’s my own personal issues that are causing issues and not you. The fact that I’m trying to figure out my life plays such a huge role in how I feel about relationships. I’m more worried on myself becoming a better man that I don’t feel like I can make someone else happy. I do like you and I like spending time with you. Maybe I’m repeating a lot of what I said that we already discussed. Im very guilty of once something gets in my head it’s hard to get out. Clearly I’m not ready for a relationship by thinking this way. I’m afraid of leading you on because I don’t know what I want. I don’t wanna talk to you and I feel bad because of it. I’m at the point where I feel like I need to break this off because of the pressure that I feel. Idk how to handle how I feel about this. Forgive me for being so confused it’s me and in my head. Not you.” — That’s what I told her. It was very hard for me to be honest about it. Idk why but I Felt the need to be honest with her. I felt so much pressure because it began to feel more like a relationship and it was kinda freaking me out. I’m second guessing myself now and I feel so guilty. I think it was the right thing to do. But now I feel like I’m making a mistake even tho I know it won’t work out. It seems girls like me when they wanna settle down. Idk what about me makes girls wanna do that. I feel so guilty and I feel like I made a mistake even tho I know what I said is real and the truth. Sorta feeling like I was the one dumped. I love talking to her and hanging out with her without sex. It’s so weird because I do like her but at the same time I don’t see anything with her. I always imagine that with the right person that it should just be easy and I won’t have to feel this way or have conversations about if we are on the same page about where things are going. A big part of me just doesn’t wanna settle for anything less than what I want. Because my last relationship was built like this on doubts and stuff. Was this the right thing? Am I right to feel this way? Sorry for spelling/grammar errors.
  10. I’ve been searching hard for the right college to attend. I was looking down the online route so I could keep a good paying job and so I can move out on my own. I’m torn between feeling to old to attend a four year school and trying to find an online course that I can complete quick but won’t be accredited. I’m about to be 23 and I feel as I have waisted my life on dead end jobs and dead end prospects. At the same time tho I feel like I’m to late to the ball game to go an actual traditional college. The thing I want to go to school for is not available online from most online colleges. The ones that have engineering courses all seem to be nationally accredited or extremely expensive. The ones that are accepted via GPA I can’t get in to. My high school years were full of skipping class and smoking weed everyday. Regretsss. If I would choose the traditional route then I’d have to go to a CC then transfer to a university. Or go to an online nationally accredited school that might not get me the job I’d want or transferable credits. ———- I’d get financial aid and I’d probably use loans as well. I’d do online CC preferably then transfer to university so I could at least not be a broke 26 year college student. At least have some money saved. What would you guys do.
  11. Seems like it. She could just be nice to everyone, butttttttt I’d go for it man. Better to get rejected than to miss a chance. I find it hardest in these situations as well. Just ask her out ,say what’s your plans for this weekend. If she says she’s free or not much then give her a day you guys should hang out. Tbh asking her what her plans are will definitely show her that you interested. If she’s into you she’ll make it easy for you to go out with her. Have confidence.
  12. Thanks guys. All of you are right. Also the advice is golden. I did transfer a lot of hopes and stuff onto that girl. We don’t talk anymore and I’ve left it alone. It’s so hard for me to find worth in myself without other people’s praise. I do know that it’s a recipe for disaster and sadness living that way. I have guy friends but none of them really do anything. I find myself really wanting to get out there and do things. I want to make new friends but the prospect of doing it alone is kinda scary. It’s like I’m outgrowing them. But I just wish they’d be more out there. I like going to to clubs and bars not just to talk to girls because I actually like doing it. Having no one to go with kinda sucks tho. I did do it in Europe by myself which makes me feel like I can make new friends if I move or get more free time away from work. College/new city ext. There’s times where I don’t even know what will make me happy. I’m constantly trying to fight my thoughts and change how I see myself. I just feel so low like I’m nothing. I’m about to be 23 and the fact that I still struggle like a teenager bothers me so much. More than ever I have that need to figure out my life. I live in a small town not a lot of opportunities or things to do. What attracted me to that girl was the fact that she was from LA. On her social media she’s posting things with friends and living her life(what it seems). She has a great job and seemed to be cool at least. The fact we were both on vacation romanticized it and made it more special than what it actually was. I want that, I want to live in a place like that. Have cool friends who wants to spend time with me. Like I don’t have a close friend all my buddies are caught up with there on problems. One thing I respect about my ex the most is that she had the balls to be happy. She wasn’t happy with me and she chose to move out with her parents and go after the things she wanted. I find myself wondering a lot now will I ever find someone who wants me for me and not stuff or lifestyle I might live. Even now it’s still weird thinking about me and her. She was right tho. I need counseling but I’m not willing atm to pay the money I was paying for it a couple months ago. Plus the lady I was seeing wasn’t to great. Small town not a lot of options for counseling. Plus I’m saving money to move to a city. Just got hard rejected by a girl I went on a date with. Straight said no she’s not interested in seeing me again. Im like damn that stings. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could remove our egos. Apparently it’s because of how I came off asking her out. She wasn’t dateble but I still liked her on a sexual basis. Ego -1 I’m gonna take the risk and move to a city. I’m gonna be alone unless I can convince one of my friends to come along. I’m gonna do this before going to college(I’m still gonna go regardless I just want to see if I can make it doing online college in a new city). I just worry about making new friends and putting myself out there to maybe find a nice girl. I hear all the time that you got to take risk. I think I need to do this. I want to do this. I want to eat new food. Do new things have hobbies and be healthy. I want to have some money saved and live in an area with opportunities and good social life. I’m attractive and I do have a good personality. I’m not negative. I like to have fun. Just sucks because I want to have someone who can appreciate those things. Social media makes me feel less like a good guy.
  13. That comparison is eye opening. Social media is such a huge role in today’s society. It’s like a game I’m trying to figure out how to play. I’m just gonna do the things I want to do. If I post something about it then it’s whatever. Yeah she’s just not into me.
  14. Lately I’ve been struggling with my purpose and have been striking out with the few women I’ve asked out/went on dates with. I’ve been focusing on social media and trying to show myself to be more of value. It’s almost to the point where I plan the end of my week to do things so I can show it on social media. Like this weekend I want to go to the beach just so I can vlog it. It’s like I’m craving attention. The attention mostly from one girl. I need to get out more but I feel like I’m just gonna do it just so I can show it off. This girl I met on vacation and I have been talking sorta. I want to meet up and she wants to too apparently but from her actions she’s not trying to at all. I set dates but she just doesn’t respond until I post something on social media usually of me/me drinking or selfies. I don’t want to fake my social media but I take pictures of potential hobby interest like surfing which I want to do but also because I think it would make me more cool. Is that wrong? She thinks I’m a fun guy who does what I want. If she knew the truth she would completely uninterested. I only travel because of my job which I hate. I want to go to college but I’m afraid of being that broke college student in his 20s. But I crave the attention from this girl/ other girls and I want to see her but she’s just to difficult. When it comes to girls I let them live and come to me. While I’m doing that with this girl while portraying my interest by trying to see her it just seems like it’s all me and not her. It’s straight in my face her low interest yet I’m still putting myself in the same spot. It feels like I’m doing everything to get her attention. Tho I don’t portray it at all. I give a lot of space but I always respond. I want to have an idgaf attitude when it comes to rejection and people who aren’t into me. I’m just unhappy with my life. I want to be that genuine fun person who goes surfing and goes to the beach. While I do want to do these things at the end of the day I feel that need to post on social media. Any advice on going out alone. I think I’m developing an addiction to alcohol a bit. I like drinking it makes me the person I want to be. Going to college in the fall so I’m gonna have to make new friends but whenever I don’t drink I feel so nervous about speaking to people. When I drink I’m the complete opposite(not drunk only takes two/three beers to get that way) but that’s how it starts addiction right. Also my current friends kinda suck and we don’t have the same interest. They never wanna go out and do new things it’s always bowling and eating. Still afraid of going out alone to clubs tho it eases after I start drinking. I feel like I need to let this girl go. At the same time I don’t want to ignore her or mess up potential plans to see her again. I always wait for her to text me. Depressing because I’m just waiting days for it. Until I post on social media. Scarcity mindset. It would cost 500-600$ just to meet up with this girl so it’s kinda a big deal to communicate. She’s just so freaking hot and I’m so attracted to her and her personality that it’s hard to ignore her. She may just be using me as attention or just has low interest. Plus I think to myself what would even come of us if we do meet. Me leaving and her going back to low contact while I fall for her more. Yikes! Need to develop that idc attitude. Btw 6 months post break up with ex. Think about her everyday. Last week she was really on my mind a lot. Got through it tho. I miss that shared connection but not much me and hers connection. Thank you.
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