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About earthlingboy

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  1. Yeah, I've been thinking about seeing one. A counsellor I mean. I think I need to cause this stuff eats away at me and really does hold me back. Thanks again for your kind words. People are always saying I'm an old soul lol
  2. Just wanna add thank you everyone for your messages and advice. Actually just writing up my feelings has made me feel better. It's amazing how expressing yourself can relieve a bit of pressure, even if it is over a computer screen. Thank you.
  3. I can't say really say I strictly identify with white people or black people to be honest. I tend to identify with people on the same wavelength as me. I have a very small circle of friends. My best friend is Indian-American and my ex is Japanese-American. Both people I share a lot f similarities with. Certainly when I was younger I did kinda restrict myself along racial lines - I would try to fit in with white or black people I didn't really share anything in common with. Purely because of DNA. I don't do that anymore. It didn't work out so well when I was younger. I actually tried too hard
  4. It was other children at the school I attended. It was so incessant I had to transfer to another school. Although my parents also experienced a nasty incident one time when they were out for dinner. Yeah in general those two years in that specific country sucked. We all struggled to adjust. It was a relief to leave. As for reading other people's stories, yes I do. Sometimes I'll spend hours online just searching keywords on Google and reading perspectives from other people. It does help. To know you're not alone. I've been thinking of writing my parents a letter. I feel like I get my fee
  5. Thank you for your kind words. I mean it. Thank you. I think with me, these feelings started a long time ago. Beginning from the bullying when I was around 8 and my dad had just signed for a new club and we moved to a new country in Europe. We stayed in that country for 2 years and it wasn't easy. In the vast majority of places we have lived, including the US,people have been welcoming and lovely. But there was a nasty undercurrent in the specific place we lived when I was 8 and that experience has just stuck with me. And it has precipitated those feelings of insecurity I still feel today.
  6. I haven't done any counselling. I find it difficult to open up to people, hence why I'm posting on this forum instead of speaking to my parents about it. I don't know. It's just something I feel ashamed about. The way I feel. It's hard to verbalize with people in a conversation.
  7. You're not being rude. It's cool. I don't mind people asking me where I'm from but it gets a bit old when people ask me about my racial mix and features. People take a special interest in that. And I guess because of the bullying when I was younger, I don't like having to answer such questions cause I'm insecure about the topic.
  8. You know, you are absolutely right about me being plagued by low confidence and self esteem. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I've moved around so much and I've been accustomed to "starting over." When I was around 11 I didn't really feel there was a point in me putting myself out there due to the fact I would probably leave the place I was in, pretty soon. So I began to become more and more introverted. I think it's a behaviour that I've just gotten accustomed to and find it hard to get out of.
  9. I wish I wasn’t mixed. I’m 18. I’m black/white; African dad, European mom. I currently live in the United States, but growing up, I lived all over Europe. My dad is a former professional football player and he played for a few clubs in Europe, so we moved frequently when I was younger. We settled in the States after my dad retired. Been here a few years. I’ve always been a bit insecure about my mixed heritage. And it’s always made me feel guilty cause my parents are really great, loving and supportive; I’m lucky to have them. I feel like my feelings are a betrayal to them. But I’ve just ne
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