Hello. I am looking for advice. I tend to keep my relationship very private from family and friends, and I have no one else to turn to but I am having a really hard time right now and would really appreciate any advice you can give without being too judgmental. Here it goes.......
I'm 32, hes 24.. I met my boyfriend of 7 months while working as a stripper. He was also a stripper. Yes, I know. It sounds stupid and crazy. I never would have considered dating someone like this, but things just happened. We talked for about a year and developed an unimaginably GREAT chemistry. I felt like he was someone I knew my entire life, like best friends and someone I was able to 100% be myself with. Physically, sexually, emotionally, we just clicked, and I never had that before. At first he just wanted a FWB situation, but I did not. So I feel like under pressure, he agreed to be in a relationship with me.
Well, after 4 months I found out he cheated with a girl from the strip club (no shocker). I have been cheated on before and giving someone a second chance is NEVER something I agreed with and have never done. But he promised to quit dancing(which was a second job and money he used to put away in savings), he deleted all of his social media, and decided he wanted to dedicate himself to a SERIOUS relationship and do anything and everything he could for "us". He said he did not realize what he had, and that I was the greatest woman he ever met. He shed many tears and was VERY sorry for what he did. He said he did not realize what a good thing he had, and that he only wanted to be with me. He begged for another chance. At first it was a hell no... but then I thought about it, and with him willing to give things up for me, I decided to give him another chance. I also realized that I WAS with a male entertainer... and although it is not fair to generalize... I should have thought about the risks involved and known what I was getting myself into. We both quit dancing.
It has been 2 months. He has been faithful and stuck with is promises. However, things quite haven't been the same. We have been fighting a LOT... mainly because I do not trust him. He is also terrible at communicating. Little disagreements or issues that should be resolved by talking, compromising and acting like adults turn into huge fights where he comes verbally abusive and mean.
We are also constantly fighting over his new video game obsession. He plays his video game for hours during the day, and lots of nights I am going to bed by myself because he is up all night playing video games. He wants to be able to play video games all night almost every night. I told him this makes me feel lonely and neglected... but his response is that he gave all these things up for me and I want to treat him like a slave and at least he is at home and not out at clubs. Also, everything bothers me and I always find something to complain about. I do not mind video games. I play them too. All I ask of the guy is to not let me go to bed alone every night. So his solution is that he will come to bed with me on the nights that he has to work early, but all other nights he is playing all night. If you ask me, it's childish.... but then again I made the decision to be with someone much younger.
In typing this, and reading what I am saying.... I feel very stupid. I honestly at one point felt like I met my soul mate and the love of my life. I can't begin to explain how amazing our connection was. He came to the US from another country to work and save money, so he could go back home and make a good life. However, he decided to stay here with me and wants to build a future here with me. He had to spend a good chunk of his savings account after he quit dancing too. He also spent $2,000.00 on plane tickets to fly me back to his country and meet his family this month. He did sacrifice a lot and make a lot of changes for the relationship.... but that doesn't mean he never needs to do anything for the relationship again. Relationships are always going to be work... to some extent.
I honestly feel like an idiot because I don't know what to do. Can someone please help me? Should I stay in this relationship or should I leave?