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About Lemon2018

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  1. It sounds like maybe you do trust her but just not when she drinks too much, which you've said she has a tendency to do. I'm guessing you're from the UK. I am too, so I know how normalised it is here. I think you're really going to need to speak to her about how wasted she gets. I mean a calm, non-judgmental conversation about how it makes you feel when she does that (and also how dangerous it can be). Hopefully she'll respect you enough to listen. But whether it will make her want to change that aspect of her life is another thing. Either way you'll need to make your own decision - if she doe
  2. I'm sorry to hear that you had to deal with all of that - it sounds awful. I' similar age, am a really bad socially and also have no real skills, so I understand in that sense. To be honest, I don't think I can give any better advice than the above post by Greendots- and I will look into taking that advice on board myself (unfortunately I'm quite depressed at the moment so it's tough to stay motivated). I do hope it works for you. Feel free to chat any time :)
  3. This is abusive behaviour and it shouldn't be tolerated. But I know that's easier said than done. If I had to guess why she does it, I'd say it sounds like she is reliant on you for her happiness. She sounds extremely insecure and like someone who feels rejected very easily, which in turn makes her feel out of control. So she tried to control you. As long as you'll let her get away with it, she'll probably continue. Things may even get worse. She has some serious issues which she needs to address, preferably alone. But if you are going to stay with her, you need to sit down with her, ca
  4. Thanks. I appreciate your reply. I am very grateful to have my son and my bf. They're the reason I am still here. I don't want to feel this was. I have been trying hard to focus on them, and I have been doing, but I'm still very lonely, hated and humiliated. I think that the lockdown isn't helping at all. A lot of people are getting through this by socialising online. I felt that I had to leave Facebook as I knew most of my friends through my friend and they all hated me, and most of my photos were of times I'd spent with her. Even if I kept it, the remaining "friends" would see what lit
  5. Completely agree with the above two comments.
  6. He'll most likely always have this fetish, and it sounds like it is never going to not make you sick. Imagine feeling sick forever. Might hurt now, but I'd say leave him.
  7. Sounds like he's getting bored. Not necessarily with you, just with being in a relationship. You're both only 19. I'd say move on.
  8. Another day of waking up and wanted to go back to sleep forever. When will this end. I just want to feel like I have a normal life. This isn't normal. It's been 15 months. Will I feel like this forever? It's looking that way.
  9. Thank you. That's not the reason she changed her mind though. It was mainly at first that she could see I was anxious about it and reassured me. She just said she didn't want me in her life anymore because of what happened. She said she can't understand it- I don't even understand it so I can't blame her for that. I have been trying so hard to move on. I don't know how to do that when I miss her. And I am lonely. I have no friends. It's extremely shameful and embarrassing to have no friends because of your own horrible action. I have tried joining clubs to make friends but I've found it dif
  10. Thanks for replying. I had months and months of face-to-face counselling, then I had to stop. I was due to see another counselor but obviously with Covid that's not able to go ahead at the moment.
  11. It's been over a year since I wrote this and things are so much worse. I know it's my fault. My friend kept saying that she wouldn't change her mind about moving on (she sensed I was anxious about that), that things would just take time and that she didn't blame me anymore. That went on for about a year. Then she messaged me one day and said she'd changed her mind and that she doesn't want me in her life any more and that I'm an awful person. We haven't spoken since. Not a single day has gone by where I have felt OK. For 14 months (even when she said she wanted to move on) my heart has f
  12. Thank you for reading my post. Before I begin (and I feel pathetic for saying this) but please could you go easy on me as I'm feeling very fragile right now. That's not to say I don't want honest answers, but please don't be unnecessarily harsh. Recently, I let down my best friend (who is more like a sister) in a major way. I let myself down and I let down everyone who knows us. To cut a long story short, I drank alcohol to the point where I don't remember most of the night and I don't remember a thing about the end of the night. I wouldn't usually drink that much and I definitely wouldn't
  13. I do want to get help for the drinking. I know that it needs to be sorted, I completely agree. But even if I never touch another drop of alcohol, it won't undo the damage that's already been done. My friend will never speak to me again, her friends will never speak to me again, her family will never speak to me again. They are all likely shocked and disgusted - as am I. I'm anxious but I'm not socially anxious. I am socially awkward though. I'm just really bad at making friends. I have a job at the moment and I'm in my notice period and have taken another day off because I can't stop c
  14. Thank you. But I feel like it's actually getting harder with every day. Not the alcohol cravings (well, those too), but the constant thinking about the hurt I caused and the fact that I now no longer have my friend because of it. All of my social life for the last 15 years has revolved around her and her friends. They aren't really my friends, they are her friends and family. They included me as part of her family because we've known each other since we were 13. But now she's gone, as have they, and they all hate me and they're justified in doing so. I don't make friends easily because I'm
  15. I plan on never drinking again. I haven't been to the doctor but I am attending AA meetings. My boyfriend doesn't drink at all, so that will help. I really feel like the main problem is what I have done to my friend, how I have hurt my boyfriend and her, and the fact that because of it, I no longer have her in my life. It's all my fault and I have no one to blame but myself. She has always been an amazing, supportive close friend - we were more like sisters (I was closer to her than any of my brothers and sisters). I just can't believe I did this. As mentioned, I don't have any other close
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