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Astanin

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  1. Before I begin, I know I'm a terrible person and I do not condone any of what I did. A few weeks back I was away on business, while away I met a new colleague, we connected really quickly and seemed to have a lot in common. The days were long so of an evening it was a relief to have a drink. Most of our other colleagues went off to bed early most nights, leaving him and I left until last orders at the bar. One night, he invited me back to his room to "raid the mini bar" as we hadn't finished drinking yet. I had assumed this was all innocent, we are complete opposites of eachother, he's long haired, tattoed, heavy metal lover, and I am a petite, blonde who loves star wars and crocheting. Anyway, after drinking another bottle of wine, he kissed me. I told him it was a terrible thing to do as we both were in relationships, I left the room and the next day we didn't discuss what happened. On our final night away, we resorted to the normal ritual of drinking the day away, this time more of our colleagues stayed out to drink. This is when I noticed him look across at me and gesture for me to come to bed. I stupidly did. I cant say I regret it, it was exciting and wild and we stayed up all night talking about everything, it sounds incredibly cliche but I have never connected with someone so quickly and had such intense feelings. He asked if we could put it all behind us and never discuss it with anyone. I agreed. After arriving home, I had been having doubts about my current relationship for months and this kind of iced the cake that I wasn't happy anymore. I ended things, I was honest about my reasons why and for what had happened while I was away. Back in work, things escalated. He told me how be felt so strongly towards me, how he couldn't go home and look at his partner. I discouraged his behaviour until he'd made some sort of decision about what he wanted. Flash forward, he confessed to his partner what happened and how he is in love with me, but he wants to stick at there relationship and try and make it work? Now, that's his choice and I am in no position to dispute it. The problem is that she's forced him to block me on all forms of social media, although we see eachother every day. He has kept me on Snapchat, in secret and has even admitted to unlocking me on social media to look at pictures of me. Work isn't awkward because i feel like I try to keep some sort of professionalism between us, but I am not convinced at his behaviour. The tension between us is so strong and I stay away from him as best as I can. I don't know what to do? I am not convinced he's made the best decision for himself and I don't want to be influencing him otherwise? I feel I've been used more than anything, although he disagrees when I try to address it? How does it sound to an outsider? I feel like I'm going crazy!
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