Jump to content


Gold Member
  • Posts

  • Joined

Everything posted by thisisrichey

  1. If the ex- is the dad, it stands to reason he could come in/out of their lives on occasion. Not unless she expressly stated that he was completely out of the picture. I wouldn't conclude his/her interest at this point if the ex- did start trouble (until you know what trouble it is, you dont' know anything). However, I agree with most others. All you can do is read it from your side and do what you want on it. You can only assume its over until she acts/tells you otherwise. So.. go seek and find what other options you have until she decides to let you in or come back. Good luck.
  2. that statement is so loaded and confusing to a guy - that's why he responded the way he did. utter confusion on where you are and what your intentions are.
  3. Yes, unfornately this is the life and things military families must deal with that us normal civilians do not. Hang in there. I think it's the correct decision to keep your son's disability payments (that or somehow migrate to Canada or the like).
  4. i disagree. now is the PERFECT time to look for another job!!! 1. It will be impossible to find another job once you have ft school - SO LOOK NOW while you can! 2. You are basically wasting your school time if you are so distraught, distracted, and emotinoally/mentally drained by this job! You should LOOK NOW while you can and get ANOTHER job! Even the alternatives of holding off on school until you find another job, then enroll later to start school later is a better option than keeping this job and start school (you're basically wasting your education being so drained with this job to even study... or even have time for HOMEWORK!) so yeah.. LOOK NOW. if you can't find one. Either un-enroll school (and enroll later when you have a new job) or quit the job now and un-enroll until you get a new job and then re-enroll. To waste time/money on school while working this job makes LEAST sense out of all these options.
  5. if you have your period, you're not pregnant. pre-cum can get your pregnant just as much as cum (in fact i think i've read that pre-cum is more potent than cum for fertilization - but don't quote me on that). it entering you via fingers can also impregnate you (but i think there is less chance because sperm can die pretty quickly if exposed to air and oxygen and our relgular atmosphere...) Still.. what happened means you were DEFIINITELY at risk. But your period is the sign that you are not pregnant.
  6. your therapist is right. and just because you change and do things right doesn't mean success comes RIGHT AWAY. You have to stay consistent at it, trust in it, have faith in "the process" and eventually things wil turn around. See.. it's not about changing how you are and talk to people. It's changing your ENTIRE universe with the new mindset and living EVERY LITTLE ASPECT of your life to the new way of thinking. The way of thinking should be, "stay in the moment. have fun. be me and do what brings me joy." Right now you are putting your entire happiness and joy on depending on OTHERS. Wrong move. nobody is going to put YOU first before themselves - much as YOU need to always put yourself first. So enjoy. Find joy. Be in the moment. Fill yourself with things that bring you joy just because - where you dont' need to depend on anythign else but yourself. And keep doing it - even if it's slow starting. AFter this becomes autonomous to the point you're not even thinking about it anymore -0 you're just doing it and enjoying it.. you'll be surprised how things turn around and change for you after that. It has for me!
  7. Wow.. late to the game.. sorry. You made the right choice. Money can be re-made - but hellish experiences is wasting more than just the money. Definitely bag out of the trip. If it's airlines, you can let them know "something came up and i need to cancel or reschedule the trip" and some will give you a voucher with a time-limit to when you can reschedule the trip "for a reactivation fee" which is better than paying full a 2nd time. See if this is possible for each leg of the trip (plane, cruise, hotels, etc.) yeah.. your bf is not over the ex- and that he'd flaunt it is not a good sign. That he blow you off to spendnn time with the ex-, then blow you off again after just being with ex- - not good news. he's losing out. you can do better. Good luck to you.
  8. Yeah.. she definitely is confused, and in the process confused ou even more. You want to move on from this one. Yo don't want to be with somebody who is this confused or plays games. Find a better one. You will in time. Just move on for now.
  9. He could have been drunk. Whether he was or wasn't, he was coming onto you. It's up to you if you wnt to let your bf know. If it were me, I would make sure I knew if Darren is going to be at any shindig you and bf go to and avoid it. If and when your bf asks why, it would be time to let him know. Sorry this happened. As a home owner/rentor you have the right to ask anybody to leave and they must legally go. If they refuse, you can wake your bf or call the authorities or apt mgr or on-site security to have them removed. Good luck and hang in there.
  10. Firstly there is no "can't". there is no such thing. You CAN move on, you are just choosing NOT to. Own up to it! Secondly, it is for your ex- to decide if she wants you there - you can't "invite yourself to the party" and determine your involvement regarding a baby that has nothing to do with you. You need to let go man. You need to let go and live your life elsewhere and move on. Really.
  11. if you didn't hack him you have no reason to be worried. he can press charges but he has to have proof of their investigation has to have proof. thats' really easily fixed. Just lt them have access to your computer and they will see yo have never logged on to his accounts or hacked. Case solved. time to move on from him though. there is no interest from him to be with you again, so yo need to stop contacting him as that is a form of harrassment. Stop and move on. its' for the better. And it's also better for yoru case of "i didn't hack him."
  12. "Me time" is time without your s/o. And studies of long-healthy couples have always shown that a huge common component and reason for that is healthy individualism and "me time" with separate interests and time. We all know the saying, "you spend to omuch time with somebody" and it's just natural to get snappy with them.. and you just need to get apart for a while? yea.. we all know that one. How come we never apply that to relationsihps? (The healthy, long-lived relationship couples DO remember this). Good luck.
  13. Agreed. You can't force the issue b/c that makes you the "loser" here. Also, "what if.." is a very strong thing and I always advise people to figure out their "what if.." before they do anything else (in this case her figuring it out with her ex- before even considering you). And in the end, whether you want or will like this, YOU ALSO do not want to get involved with her and commit time, resources, emotions towards somebody with a lingering "what if..." NEVER ever be with anybody who is not FREE AND CLEAR and single (or scheduled to be single already... i'm talking people waiting for divorces who have been living separate lives already). The last thing you want is to get involved, with her "what iff..." and have her cash her "what if..." chip 1 yr from now, 5 yrs from now, 10 yrs from now when you may be engaged, married, or have family. You just DON'T want to ahve anything to do with it. If it helps more.. realize that anybody seeing you with a "what if.." is really not 100% seeing/devoted to you now are they? Do you really want to commit to somebody not 100% devoted to you? Dial it back. Stay in touch. Explore other options yourself while she clears up this "what if.." situation with her ex-. Who knows.. you may find somebody even better and more meant to be with you than this if you do.
  14. you're too black and white. it isn't "either i open my heart or compeltely close it." Besides it's far too early in this thing to really be that far along.. So let me help you with what i've recently learned. JUST HAVE FUN! don't make anything bigger than it is, or smaller than it is - just let it be! I've had far more success and a LOT more fun just having fun, not worrying about "where this is going" "how are we doing" "what did that mean" and trying to analyze and assess what the ultimate outcome of meeting this person will be - on the first, second, third, or fourth, or ANY date anymore. I just go out, have fun, have a grat time, show them a great tiem, and just let whatever feels and seems right at the moment - that's what we do. If it's hugging.. it is. If it's kissing, it is. if it's just friends.. it is. If it's intimacy.. it is. I don't analyze it. I just go with it. Because no 10-20-50 yr relationsihp is solidified and built and determined in 2-3 months of dating. So take your time.. JUST BE IN THE MOMENT and stop analyzing it all in your head or worrying about it. be you, let her be her, let the moment be the moment. After a few months, 1 yr, 5 yrs - it'll be pretty obvious what it is whether you try or not. It'll be obvious. So just let it become obvious on its own rather than you trying to figure it out before it all happens. Not only is that stressful and hard work, it's actually taking away from your abiliyt to have fun and INCRASE your chances of success (the less fun e are, the more distracted we are from the moment, the more we're thinking in our head rather than paying attention and having fun - the LESS chance it'll be successful).
  15. leave it be. this is her and her mom's business not yours. any attempt by you to "help" will only be used by the lying new bf to control your ex- further. (in fact the same is true if her mom pushes too hard too). the best thing that works in these situations is to just let the victim know you are there and they can contact you any time and let them dictate (the mother may have the ability to do more and not push her daughter away). so i guess you could conceivably just text her and say "your mom contacted me.. i hope you're doing ok.... thought i'd let yo know... i'm here if you ever want to talk".. but no more than that.
  16. A huge unknown secret in relationships and marriage is that it is extremely important to retain a sense of individualism and personal pursuits on your own - aka "me time". In this situation, you need a WHOLE HEAP of it hahahaa. So as should be done with any "change" to a relationship dynamic, it's best to discuss this with your spouse. Although he may not take it well or not understand, it is highly appropriate that you mention how it is uncomfortable for you when the things you describe occur - the generalizations of people not like them, etc. especially because you are not "like them." However, this would be your decision to add-on this part or not. The main part of the discussion is, that you have decided you would like to pursue some interests of yours (it would be best to research and come up with some specifics you can already speak to, what it would involve, cost, time, etc.). Hopefully he can undersatnd that you have supported him in what has been important to him, you are asking for the same kind of support from him for what's important to you (these interests you would like to pursue). Then go pursue them, have fun, make your own friends.. Develop your own new weekly or weekend or monthly rituals you partake in that make YOU happy. And see how that goes. See how the relationship is a few months down after doing this. Re-assess then about the relationship, etc. the pursuit of personal interests, passions, and our own individualism is a very forgotten "must have" for personal fulfillment, as well as RELATIONSHIP health and fulfillment! Good luck!
  17. Ummm... how can this be "true love" when the love is only on YOUR side? She is your supervisor for 1 (co-employees and especially ones with power over the other, like managers and supervisors, should never date. It is in fact illegal to date and has legal implications). Many companies do not allow it. She has somebody she's commited to for 2. How can there be ANY love or relationsihp possiblities here if she's with SOMEBODY ELSE? You need to realize she doesn't feel the same about you, is with somebody else, and you are not in her plans for her life like you somehow have convinced you have plans for her in your life. There is nothing here I"m afriad. Time to move on. Don't ever fall or allow yourself to have feelings for a co-worker or somebody you report to. Dont' ever fall or allow yourself to have feelings for somebody that isn't completely single and free (aka never fall for anynbody who is already committed and with somebody else!)
  18. i don't know necessarily who's in the right or wrong here - there is probably a "his side" of the story we aren't hearing. But.. since you already left him and feel so adamant about your side - my guess is you should consider it a permanent "leave" and move on from him. I dn't see much hope in this one.
  19. i'd focus on the other women that want to date you. you already know this one will leave and is not consistently giving positive messages towards you on anything developing. Focus on the other women.
  20. yes it would be horrible if you spied and stalked on him by showing up at his house. yes it would.
  21. The problem is.... you never asked him what HE WANTS, and what HE WANTS to change to make him happier in this relatoinship. That is the problem. As soon as it's all about you and only your needs - you lose them and they do not want to do things for you anymore. Try sitting down and asking him what he'd like to see changed and what you can do to make him happy again. Then maybe you'll see some change and more willingness on his part to make you happy again too.
  22. why can't you leave him? how does staying together help the son? What.. you want to teach him that this is love and how married people act? I don't think so. LEAVE for everybody's sake - ESPECIALLY your son's sake so he learns: 1. that you're never stuck and can always leave a situation that desn't work for you 2. that you never have to settle and can always look for somethign better 3. that anybody that treats you like this (even a spouse) - doesn't belong in your life so remove them from your life.
  23. this is a situation that has obviously gone down the tubes and there is so much going on - on both sides - i don't think it's repairable. I agree with everybody else. Divorce and move on.
  24. Yes there are things that can be done to make this work: 1. work on your trust and insecurity issues and fix them. 2. realize that everybody has the right to have the friends the want - you don't get to dictate that. He has the right to be friends with this "old buddy" as long as he isnt' cheating with you. 3. You need to stop snooping and spying on him and just TRUST HIM. If you can't trust him - there is no friendship or relationship. 4. He needs to stop lying to you. Notice that 3 out of the 4 are things YOU need to fix and do.
  25. yes .. you did push her specficially on the snapchat a bit too much when she didn't agree to it right away. that's one of the biggest no-no's with women. DON'T persist when they say "no". definitely dial it back. don't push anything again. be friendly.... it woudlnt' be a bad idea to apologize and own/acknowledge your mistake. "hey listen... i'm sorry about the snapchat thing." and then follow that up with something sincere.. "i just really enjoyed our convo and walk.. and wanted to enjoy more of the same with you... but.. i was a bit too pushy..." then just talk to her and let her sorta dictate the pace and once she intiates something.. that's the green light again that you can initiate again.. JUST DON'T OVERDO IT like last time and persist when they say "no". Good luck.
  • Create New...