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Everything posted by thisisrichey

  1. in the end it still stands... You - eventually want marriage and kids He - does not. What are you going to do about that? "eventually i'll make him change his mind" or "eventualy i'm sure he'll change his mind" - is NOT an answer here.
  2. then it comes to this. either you can trust him and repair the relationship. or you can't trust him, at which there is no relationship and thus you must cut bait. without trust - there is no relationship.. period. that can't be emphasized enough here.
  3. i think a few things are going on here: 1. if he IS a millionare (i will just trust you if you say so. but most millionares really don't go out and advertise that....), he is used to gettin ghis way no questions asked and you violated that by refusing him last minute. 2. he just got done telling you people "use" and "play" him and then your last planned night together - you acted as if you were using and playing him too and it triggered him. "yo usaid you'd come, then backed out last minute".... so that's definitely going on in his head (whether you feel like you are playing or using him or not....) so that's what' HE sees. your latest post lets me know what REALLY happened with you and i see where YOU are coming from. now the question is what do ou want to do about it? reconciliation and successful relationships don't happen with a lot of "me" "this is what i think" and making the other person out to be the bad person. it comes from seeing THEIR SIDE (which you now know) and deciding what to do about it and how to find a middle. That is.. if you want to continue and make this successful. If you don't, nobody will blame you - dating a millionare (who is used to having their way and buy anything they want) is not the piece of cake people would think. Good luck.
  4. here is what's going on here: you are a rather insecure person when it comes to dating/relationships and you're not able to get out of your own way in dating with those insecurities. and yes you are self-sabotaging to create your own "exit" only to afterweards find a way to make yourself believe it is the other person that made it not work. you need to stop that. figure out why you are insecure and deal with it. resolve it. this guy did nothing wrong and a lot of things right - but you coudln't help yourself anyway to create your "alibi out" just incase so you didn't have to deal with rejection. stop acting this way or you'll lose him for good. you're close to it already.
  5. if that is true (your boss is undermining your managerial authority over MA) then yes you will want to speak with your boss and reconfirm that you are the manager .... if so, you need to be supported and backed to allow you to effectively manage your team. while outside the office is everybody's personal business - at the office you need the support and backing of her to effectively manage your area as she has asked you to. it doesn't have to be combative. any GOOD boss will understand and back you. and it sounds like this boss is a good one. good luck.
  6. another great saying... "what you are.. is what you attract.." if you want to attract positivity and positive results - be positive if you want to attract misery and miserable results - be miseralb and negative (there is something to the saying "misery loves company"... if you assume and act miserable, you'll attract misery to you).
  7. without much details you're going to get limited effective answers. It sounds like, you want something POSITIVE to happen but fear it will come out NEGATIVE. What can you do? 1. stop worrying about what you can't control. Nothing you are doing from now until you hear is going to affect what happens (as it sounds like it is somebody else deciding upon your fate). So stop WORRYING about it - it does nothing in the end or effect the result. 2. I truly believe in staying positive and assuming the BEST (not the worst). I truly believe the brain and brainpower is SO MUCH more powerful than we even understand and what we think and believe has just as much as anything else does in determining our destiny and future. IN fact i have proof of this in watching 2 dear friends go thru the same exact cancer at the same exact stage. Their mindset was vastly different and thus their results were vastly different. I can also point to studies done for decades that prove the subconscious has pronounced effect on real outcomes. SO STAY AND ASSUME THE POSITIVE... imagine it, live it, see it, breathe the outcome YOU WANT. (as i like to say.. "the universe delivers what you ask ffrom it and are truly ready for..." 3. lastly.. our lives are never truly determined by any 1 THING - so why act as if any 1 thing determines our entire life? it doesn't. Keep things in perspective and life is much easier to traverse thru and thus enjoy (and thus stay positive about). Good luck.
  8. move on. this is now healthy relationships look and feel. if he should come back way later (you need a HUGE break from each other.. trust me...) then deal with it then. for now, move on. heal. let him heal. no more interaction. don't allow it. not until you are both past each other and no longer emotional about each other.
  9. yeah.. let her go. she's bad news and using you. and you're only too willing to serve her (for whatever reason). i'd leave immediately.
  10. you're not being too sensitive - what's happening is true and you're not conjuring up any of that falsely. what i would say is - remember.. this is a job. not a country club. so keep it to business. MEANING.. are you being treated well? compensated well? was your raise and bonuses fair in your eyes? If you're being taken care of business wise and your career is in good hands (and financial compensation and benefits) - then let the rest go. This is not a popularity party and you are there FOR WORK in exchange for CAREER AND PAY. So keep it to that. item 2 is - this goes on everywhere. people are people and are social by default - it's in our genetic code. So managers and bosses will always get along with certain people, not get along with certain people, and as well be gullible to the people making it appears as if they get along more than they truly do. YOu can't change that. So you should let that one go and not compare your relationsip with her with anybody else. YOUR THERE FOR BUSINESS! The only time this is an issue is if compensation, raises, promotions, bonuses, and work is being affected by it. if that's so then you need to find another job and REMEMBER that the way it works now is - those that are liked, get the better deal in most cases. its just human nature unfortunately. Good luck and I hope it works out and you are happy regardless what happens.
  11. if you keep insisting that your bf needs to think and act like you becaus it's what you want and think - you will ultimately lose him. a relationship is about mutually respecting each other's wants, needs, and perspectives. His is that he is awkward with PDA. You don't have to understand or agree with it - but you SHOULD accept and support it. You whould be willing to find a middle ground and work with HIS comfort zone and schedule to find that middle ground. An unhealthy and unsuccessful relationships sonds like, "this is what i think and believe.. i can't undrsatnd why he doesn't.. he should be more like me." the key here is "i can't understand why"... if you have no ability, willingness, or interest to understand your partner for who he is- this won't last long. I would quit making it a big deal, to have to talk to about a lot... and just start with touching him in public.. touching his arm.. touching is shoulders, gently and subtly holding his hands in public WHEN HIS FRIENDS ARE NOT THERE - to help him get used to the idea of touching in public. then as he becomes more comfy (if he does), then start very subtly in front of his friends - little secret touches between you and him... and then as he gets more comfy, a little bit in front of his friends.... again always to HIS comfort zone. thats how you effect change and get him to meet you somewhere in the middle. This "i don't understand" non-undersanding preson and "do it my way or you're wrong" attitude - you're going to lose him over it if you keep it up. JUST LIKE he would lose YOU if there was somethign HE was comfy with, but you weren't - and he INSISTED and pushed you to change to be like him and "i can't undersatnd why you don't think and do like me" to you... So don't do that to him over something he feels uncomfy with like that.
  12. you 2 are struggling... it is completely reasonable that either / both of you would start to spend time and lean on friends for support during this time. there is no relationship unless there is trust so you MUST trust each other if it's ever going to work out. that starts with what you both do on your own with your own friends. i would let him go himself without any dependency on you and say, "if this is going to work.. we must trust each other.. so i'm starting that tonight by letting you hang with your friends and not need to prove anything to me." and then of course let him know that if he needs a ride home so he isn't drunk driving or a passenger in a drunk's vehicle - to call you and you'll come get him. somebody has to be "the adult" first might as well be you.. then just monitor and see if he acts like an adult back and now starts to act trustworthy towards you. and earns your trust back. if not - time to go if yes - you just saved your relationship. Good luck.
  13. yeah tha'ts really strange. minimally it means they like you sincerely. alterior motives? yo'll have to figure that one out. however, it is YOUR social media and YOU are in charge of it. so if this is not a comfy thing for you - definitely wish them the best and thank them for being so kind and accepting of you... but it is time to move on since you are ex's with their (grand)daughter.
  14. i wll also say that as the kid starts to realize this isn't changing - that he has a sibling and mom needs to take care of that sibling and that a nanny is his new reality - he will simmer down and work with his new reality. it may take a while, but as long as Mom doesn't give in and always come to the tantrum throwing baby (even to discipline him) - it should go away. how often mom and nanny DON'T stay consistent with the plan and reinforce this new reality on the child - the longer his tantrums will continue.
  15. there are a lot of things going on here. 1. 2 wk old baby. Kid is probably jealous of "mommy's attention" being 100% on new baby and not on him anymore. Futhermore she's pushing him to somebody else (a stranger) instead of his own mom to spend time with. I can understand why he's acting like this. 2. Also, it's obvious he's doing all he can to FORCE his mom to pay attention to him. This only works if Mom is within earshot. Also, it only happens when she's "available" (aka in the vicinity). 3. It is very important to note that when the child is "threatened" - aka something he covets or desires is threatened to be removed - he behaves. So.. given all this 3 - we can come up with a few things to help the situation. a. maybe babysitting should only occur at your place instead of theirs - have them drop off the kid at a neutral or your spot where mom will not be (i'm sure she'll appreciate the time away from kid to focus on new baby). It is the MOM'S OBLIGATION and responsibility to make it clear to the child that mom is NOT available for the next 2-4 hrs and that you are helping and going to spend time with him "at the zoo" (something he covets/desires to calm him down about the outting) and make it sound like a reward, an adventure, a FUN thing to look forward to for him. That is MOM's responsibility to frame it so the kid behaves. b. you need to be very consistent in "threatening" to remove something he desires when he misbehaves. IN your narrative when you explain he hits you or throws toys at your face, you never mentioned that you made any announcements or alerts that "fun time" or "those toys" will be removed.. or even a 'time out'. which leads to C... c. it needs to be clear to Mom that if they want to hire you - you will be using YOUR disciplinary tecchniques while the child is with you - not theirs. You can outline to them what those are for their approval or to find another nanny (things like "time outs", etc.) I think those 3 things should make a difference for now and then can be modified, tweaked, added to as needed. But that's a good foundational start. LASTLY - yo are NOT obligated to take and keep this job if it's not working for you. So the ultimate "threat" - you can always say "no thank you" and walk out yourself...
  16. dosn't matter if anybody else can or can't do it. the question is can YOU do it? If no, time to go. If yes, then you'll just have to possibly accept it as part of your lives going forward. Plenty of blame to go around here and now you both get to deal with your mis-behaviors.
  17. there is probably a lot more to this story from her side than we all know. The truth is you've been to jail 5X in 4-5 yrs... and that in a way is very selfish. Endangering and putting your wife and family through that because you can't stay within the rules. Put that way.. I don't know that she's right to cheat or lie to you. But you were not right to put her in a situation where she coldn't rely on a husband being there for her. Both sides are wrong. Nobody is right here.
  18. nobody can give you advice on this one. You're going to have to figure out for yourself what you want to do about this one - if he's using you or not... if you still want to be his bride or not. if you want to work it out or try or divorce and start over. nobody can tell yo on this one since none of us are in this situation and know it fully like you. sorry.. but that's the truth on this one.
  19. why is being 2X divorced "your fear for your little one"? I don't get that. As far as the current marriage - yeah.. get your own job and money. I find it unreasonable for you to call somebody "cheap" when you are spending their money. Earning money these days and supporting multiple people is NOT that easy. I undrsatnd taking care of kids is not easy either - but to call him cheap and put him down for it in today's age? That's inappropriate. So get a job then so you can spend more money on yourself. As for all the other stuff. It sounds like a big mess and you wil have to decide what's best for you. Being grumpy and negative and putting down family members is NOT a good example for kids to see and learn and grow up with as adults. So figure it out and do it.
  20. snooping.. is NEVER correct. snooping is NOT NECESSARY to find out the truth if you truly pay attention to things. so dont' do it again.. it's a no-no. so you are confusing me again about the kids/future thing. you say he's concerned about it, b/c you said you want it - but it's not your priority. WHAT? in the end.. it sounds like it IS your priority cuz you need it (at some point)... and he's saying he DOESN'T want it. So there is a conflict there. How are you going to reconcile that? He doesn't want kids. You do. Are you willing to change? Or are you expecting HIM to change?
  21. to me... this just sounds like a highly inexperienced dater who hasn't gotten out much and thus just doesn't know what to do. the only things he knows is probably what he's seen on tv and the movies and/or all the thigns women "complain" about openly about men and thus wants to make sure he's doing what women complain they want out of men. He is definitely insecure. but most inexperienced daters ARE insecure! Know that insecurity does potentially always mean abuse/control can ultimately happen. But really what we need to look at is the motivation, where the control and insecurity are coming from. How is it manifesting? but to me it doesn't sound like it's coming from a malicious place.. just a highly inexperienced place. Even so, it means this one will be a challenge - constant effort into training him to NOT be insecure, to NOT be controlling, and to NOT do all those creep ythings - and still always hav a chance he IS creepy. If it were me... i would let him know that people that end up liking and loving each other - DON'T mistrust, control, or keep tabs or do obssessive things towards that person (like looking up their schedules, gyms, where they work, keep tabs on them, need tok now where they are and what they're doing ALL the time). Loving people are able to let each other go and be their own person knowing that person is always going to come back to them and wants to. if a person CAN'T let go, CAN'T let that person do their own separate thing - then what they have for that person is NOT love- but obssession. And obssession is never healthy, nor is it love. So.. if he insists on OBSSESSING about you (which is what he's doing now) - then this can not continue because you are not looking to be obssessd over. You are looking for somebody that cares and loves you. And a caring/loving person wouldnt' obssess over you as he is doing now. Then leave the rest to him. let him show one way or the other if he cares, or is just obssessed. Obssessors can not hide their obssessions. Caring people can always show they care. Good luck.
  22. sorry to say but this is him. you ain't going to change it (much). didn't you know this before marrying him? you should've figured that out first. So.. either accept and move on and be happy with him. Or leave "changing" another person to be more what you want them to be is NEVER the correct option...
  23. wait.. is HE concerned about your future and kids. or are YOU concerned about your future and kids? this was confusing in your original post. as for other observations: 1. never snoop! nothign will break up a relationship more than snooping and distrust! (just think if he did that to you!) 2. focus on your exams... obviously. your career and work most likely will outlast any relationship or marriage so take care of that FIRST! 3. let it play out. talking to him only makes him "behave" for a while and you never get your TRUE answer. letting htem do as they wish on their own accord without them thinking you are monitoring them will get you your answer FASTER! and ultimately that is the #1 thing you want to know - WHAT'S going on. so let him SHOW you wha'ts going on by letting him be.
  24. is she possibly busy planning the wedding? (that is very time-demanding)....? if not.. i don't know what to say since it is an "arranged marriage"... so it's not based on desire and love you see. maybe ask that the marriage be broken again (the engagement) since that seems possible?
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