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Everything posted by thisisrichey

  1. bad situation all around. The question is much more - when Sally granted John access to her accounts - was it because she wanted to and it truly was for "shared info" between the two? Or was it bedause John demanded it? That is the key to answering most of the questions today: 1. If john demanded it and that's why Sally even gave him a password to access her info - then John is a over-controlling and unhealthy here (no trust of Sally). 2. If it was an agreeable mutual thing and Sally is now banning him, cutting him off, etc. - then it makes her look like she is hiding something and very possibly betraying John. So it all comes back to why that initial account was shared with John having access.
  2. no that would be creepy... let's hope she comes to the store next time and MAKE SURE YOU ASK HER OUT... or if she provided any info to the store (email hopefully) you can reach out to somethign she DID provide as a "follow up" and ask how things are doing and that if she wanted some lessons you are "free this upcoming....." and can plan to meet her to go voer some "basic things"... but DON'T blind side her unexpectedly... that's immediate grounds for flunking out with a female.
  3. They say that i'ts important to talk to managers to force them to specify what you will be assessed on and how they will measure success vs failure to perform. So you will want to get your management to specify something (you're very smart to know you need this). Until then, you and I are in the exact same spot. As a former co-worker of mine told me, "sounds like you need to manage-upwards" - aka manage yourself goin upwards and train your managers on how to manage you. This can be good and bad. just like somebody else said - you can find ways you enjoy to make yourself useful and pick n choose your spots (that's what i've done). but yes i feel your pain - i have no defined role. But i'm getting paid well. So we'll see for me too. (for me.. i picked and choosed a good spot to volunteer for a higher level group and help out there - with somethign i really enjoy. Hopefulyl, and it sounds like, my mentor in that group is going to push to get me hired onto his team permanently which would promote me again and perhaps put me in a much better position overall - move to another manager and out from under my clueless current manager... and perhaps then become part of the national team rather than my local team... which HOPEFULLY and IDEALLY - would qualify me for WORK FROM HOME for my positino at which point i'm free to move anywhere in the country and keep my same pay). SO CROSSING MY FINERS BIG TIME HERE!!! lack of structure means - take advantage of your freedome to learn or advance yourself somehow in areas you'd like to see yourself in the next few years or ultimately :)
  4. 6 dates in 8 weeks is not horrible actually. thats pretty good. as far as the exclusivity card - yeah i guess he wouldn't be the first one ever to ask for exclusivity after 6 dates in 2 months. That you are LDR kinda throws a wrench into that one. i would see how it goes with him when you see him in town again and go with your gutt and heart - is it somethig you feel you want to be exclusive at or are you not quite sure yet? If not quite sure and you do want to see other options - EXPLORE other options then. Until you mutually declare exclusivity and get to the point - "dating" is understood that either could be seeing multiple folks until they decide on somebody to be exclusive with. Never worry about "if they mght find somethig else" and let fear steer you. Do what feels right. Do what your gutt tells you. Do what your heart tells you. And yes sometimes do what your head tells you (although the head can be the most mixed up thing cuz we over-analyze things - instincts are far more reliable than over-analytical heads). If it feels right to exclusivity - do ti. If it doesn't. don't. If he leaves over it - so be it. If you did it right on your end and he decides to be a bum - so be it - not your fault. Dating is as much doing it RIGHT on your side and getting better. Don't let the people who do it "wrong" get to you and make you do it wrong just to play even or save yourself. taht's not how you get better and find the best relationship ultimately.
  5. yeah i'm not sure. how do those ID cards help "confirm its really you?" I don't think there is more to it than a DMV card or passport no?
  6. No you got it backwards. Relationships is about assessing what the preson TRULY IS - not about how we can change them. That's lesson #1. Never be with somebody because you think you can change them into your perfect mate - it never happens. This is real life - not the movies. So.. in assessing what his true colors are - i also think you have that wrong. Anybody can behave from a distance in an LDR (or appear to behave) over 2 months. You are assuming the first 2 months of your relationship with him is "the real him" and he's "suddenly changed drastically after 2 months to another person.." Really? How about we float the idea that maybe.. he was just putting his best foot forward for the first 2 mos of the relatoinship and now his true colors are coming out? People don't just turn bad in 2 mos when they're "happy" you see. Its just like all the people that visit Seattle in August-September (when it is always sunny and warm and perfect) - then move there.. then it rains the rest of the year and they say, "what happened to the SEattle weather? It used to have the perfect weather here!" Well.. no. You just happen to come and visit the only 2 months it DIDN'T rain and assumed it never rained when in atuality it rains most of the year. So I'm afraid you have it backwards on 2 accounts: - you can't date people with the mindset of modifying them to be what you want. That never works. - you are assuming the first 2 months you are with a person is their true colors while whatever they change to after that is the anamoly. No. Most people are on their best behavior and more agreeable and accomodating early on in a new relationship and then their true colors show up. Sorry to say.
  7. it depends on the % of recirculated air. it sounds like its the recirculated air that is the problem (they mentioned lack of windows to open in favor of the HVAC system). Whch is the same reason a lot of people get sick while flying - high % of re-cycled air for pressurization purposes. All it takes is 1 person with a bad cold to taint recycled air that then everybody breathes and why most diseases get passed during travel.
  8. Basically.. the "honeymoon" period is over and your lady sounds like she is one who needs to always feel like she is in the "honeymoon" period. LDR's can be tough on that because yes you miss each other, but because you're not together regularly it can feel a big foreign as well (you don't get a rhythm/groove going). i would definitely say, knowing this about your gal, that even though you are 2 yrs in - don't get comfy. don't get into "relationship mode" too deeply ever - especially when the situation is lending itself more towrads a "dating" rhythm. Now. I'm not saying you 2 aren't serious - you are. I'm just saying "relationship mode" is more day to day, together constantly, living together stuff (which you obviously don't have right now simply due to distance), while "dating mode" is when there is some separation and distance. So.. until things move along so that "relationship mode" can kick in and you can build more of a relatoinship feel, make sure you are still in "dating mode" to keep that spark going. In fact, one of the biggest mistakes couples make once in a relationships is they forget to keep dating each other! Never stop dating each other to keep that fun, spontaneity, and spark going. This is essentially where you are at and what your girl is saying she needs more of. Now.. one thing SHE must accept is that EVERY time together and EVERY moment can't be "date mode" - it just doesn't work that way. Relationships, if this is the one, are goin to last decades. It would be impossible for every day for decades to be "date mode". So she needs to also realize that a relationships is a grind and becomes a brind (especially after kids!!!) So she also could be a bit more realistic in the big picture with her expectations. But as for now.. yeah.. the distance, the lack of daily regularity - emphasize and focus on "date mode" until things change to where it can be more "relationship mode" with her - never forgetting to "keep dating" your gal enough to keep it sparking. Good luck.
  9. pretty sure its' saving them a bunch of money (farther away, smaller, etc.) can you request to relocate back to the other office if that would be a better situation (at least a shorter commute?) but ya.. if this is a dealbreaker for you and not sustainable - look for a new position for sure. but don't leave without a new position confirmed and signed first unless it's THAT bad.
  10. well.. this is an established pattern so i don't think it's going to change (sorry). so if it's not going to change then you have 2 choices: 1. accept it and say you are okay with that to stay with him - thus stay with him and accept it (not recommended) 2. leave (recommended). Attempting to change him (to change anybody) is pretty much a losing strategy and never works. So you must always decide on what's established and what you know about them - because chances are it won't change much. Good luck.
  11. yep.. give it time friend. the deeper you were into it, and the more it was a surprise - the longer it could take. don' beat yourself up or question or wonder why it's taking the road it's taking or how long - just let it be.. and let your heart and mind and body mourn the way it needs to. if ou do that, it will pass the fastest. definitely have no contact and keep away from anything that might allow you to hear about her or see her, etc. this is called "rebound".. and rebound always goes away. just give it a chance to and move on best you know how until you're back to you again... once you're there.. then we can look back with objectivity to learn what we must - then apply to the next one. hang in there friend.
  12. ah.. so he's a hot/cold guy, threaten then comeback guy, and super jealous right? i didn't quite understand the rest of the story you told so i can't comment on all that. the only question i have is: does he have female friends and if so - why is it okay for im to have them but you not have male friends (and your male friend isin public.... during DART league!)... sounds like you should drop this one.
  13. this is a tough call. his history says he very well could attempt to cheat again. but it didn' work getting back with her so i can't see it working now (did she refuse or did they try and fail?) other thoughts: why can't the kid come to your or his place instead of always being at the mom's place? i'd be curious to know the answer to that last question...
  14. i agree.. apparently somebody else doesn't agree with that on this thread.
  15. Let's ask some self-questions before we hit the doctor shall we? 1. is it that you just don't desire sex in general? Or is it that yo dont' find the idea of sex with your bf appealing? (aka do you find yourself able to be turned on by anything here and there.. perhaps a fantasy in your head, a dream you've had, or any celebrity, movie, or erotica, a "chick flick")? 2. does anything you wnet thru that threw off your libido have anything to do with menopause? 3. outside of the anxiousness now surrounding sex in your current relationship - how is the rest of the relationship going? 4. are you still able to masturbate and experience pleasure from that? i think #1, the bf needs to lay off the emphasis of the bedroom with you right now. The bigger deal he makes it, as you can see, the worse it makes your interest in sex with him. So until we remove the "buzz kill" that is your bf wnating sex - there can be no joy and pleasure in sex with your bf right now. let's answer these questions first and go from there. also have a talk with the bf that if ou're done with him, tell him. if you are trying to find your libido back for him then let him know that and ask that he be patient and not keep pressuring you over it - as that makes it harder to find it. Good luck.
  16. yeah this one is tough. She told you she was done, turns out she wasn't. YOu trusted her and it burned you. Are they married by chance? If so, did they ever file/finalize a divorce? Sorry to hear this happened. is why you should always follow your gutt. You always felt something wasn't quite right - and that instinct turned out to be correct. Always follow your gutt. btw.. everybody thinks their "conneftion" is special with somebody.. it's not. Love is love. Attraction is attraction - it's the same for all of us especially when it's new. So stop kidding yourself that there's anything unique or special about your 1 relationsip compared to the rest of the universe.. such things are what get us into making bad decisions and over-stating and over-valuing things that are all made up in our head. So yes.. you are being dramatic. Stop it. it makes us do things we know we shouldn't do otherwise. And in reality.. we'd say/think the same thing about ANYBODY who treated us REALLY WELL and liked us THAT much... doesn't make it "unique" and "special".
  17. aparnetly HollyJ thinks it's horrible advice to even have empathy for the guy who ultimately didn't go thru with it and felt horrible and apologized constantly ever since. *shrugs* and no.. i'm not saying everybody has to agree with me, that's why we have forums. but apparently HollyJ didn't like my "perspective" on this and had to let me know about it.
  18. No i didn't say he's a hero. I'm just saying that COUNTS for something and does speak volumes. I also said.. "he did everything right after he made a mistake". So i did say he made a mistake. I also said.. if this is somethi ngshe can forgive him for and can handle great! If not, she should leave. How is that bad advice? We're human. i don' think we should beat anybody down after a mistake - especially if the ultimately corrected th emistake before it ultimately happened and have done the right things since. None of us are perfect and thus I'm not one that subscribes to beating people down for their single-incident mistakes. (Notice: I said IF it happens again, then we have a problem. That's a pattern.) Not sure what you're reading but.. to jump down somebody's throat who ULTIMATELY didn't do the deed... is a bit harsh in my book and a bit hypocritical as we ALL make mistakes.
  19. Figure - i get what you're saying. But true friends do help each other out too. As I said in my post, the "repetitive" and "you can predict what's coming stuff" you can distract yourself and not pay attentino too much to that (which is the exact same thi you're saying) and then come back into focus on the more serious parts. We all need that '1 friend' (always better to have more though) that can help us thru the toughest times we can't help ourselves. That's what a true friend is. otherwise, we're all just acquaintenances without any signicant other connection.
  20. whether he's been jerking her or her jerking him - leave. end it. period. continuing contact for any reason - there is no reason to here.
  21. nobody has the right to tell the other who they can have and keep in their lives and choose as friends - NOBODY. As long as you are being loyal and not cheating or even flirting - why can't you have more friends, male friends even? I"m pretty sure he has no problem having female friends right? Have a heart to heart and ask him what he is fearful of? Why is he so concerned with this guy? You are not interested in him. You are not romantic with him or feel anythign romantic for him. Shouldn't you both be able to continue make friends as you live your lives or is his philosophy that once you meet your love you can only ever talk to you loved one forever and that's it? See what he says and we'll go from there. Good luck.
  22. the 180 is very concerning. that she refuses to wear the sumbol of what you two have wanted together - is also very concerning. I would ask her, out of curiosity, why she has chosen to not wear the ring - and that maybe if she'd rather not wear the ring it's better to leave it at home in a safe place instead of taking it out with her and possibly get it lost. Then see how she reacts. Anything attitude or defensive - is a horrible sign to this "curiosity" and "to keep it safe" approach. If she has a reasonable explanation - then you have your answer as well. don't be combative or do it in a way that "questions why she's not wearing it" - but is more inquisitive and "make it easier for her to not worry about it" by keeping it safe at home instead. i'm goin to guess she's goin to get defensive which means something is going on and you will need to ask her what's going on.... "you seem unhappy with the idea of our engagement now.. you seem to be putting distance between that idea now.. is everything okay? are you not happy? what is making you unhappy and how do we fix it?" etc.
  23. Intent is one thing. Being capable of putting yourself in a situation where you request it is one thing. BUT - when push came to shove he couldn't do it. That's the most important part! ACTIONS speak VOLUMES! and he apologized like crazy about it - RIGHT AWAY - didn't hide it, didn't hold back on it - didn't even take time to figure out how to tell you. that shuld go a LONG way on this situation. So he did everything he could to make it right after he made a mistake. Now the ball is in your court. Is this something you can move on from and trust him with and not let linger forever? If not - then this is over and you should end it. If so, then forgiveness and trust is what all relationsips are built on and that's what you are doing. NOW.. if it happens AGAIN - i would advise to end it at that point- more than once means a pattern and a real issue. Good luck on your decision.
  24. if shes making out with somebody else - leave her. simple as that.
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