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Posts posted by RayofLighten

  1. Sarah, i'm sorry but everyone is right. I know you just wanted to help him better himself, but you are trying to completely change someone who doesn't want to change. You're trying to mold him into what YOU want, but it's not what he wants. Why should he change? He is who he is and he's happy with that. You should be happy if he's happy. You should accept a person for who he is, not for what you want to turn them into. I know you want him to have some ambition in his life and that's great, but if he doesn't want that then you can't really force it.

  2. It's not always going to be plain sailing but it will get easier and more settled as time goes on. When i met my husband he already had 3 year old son from a previous relationship (he would have him on weekends). In the beginning I didn't always like that he had to interact with his ex in regards to his son and there were a few fraught occasions, but in time i realized I was being oversensitive about it. There was absolutely nothing to worry about and over time we all became friendly and civil and she is actually really nice. We all get on great. I took some years to form a bond with his son but now (he is 19 years old now) and i absolutely adore him. My husband and I have a daughter together and she adores her big brother too. These things will in time settle and become easier.

  3. Do you have any people you work with who always drop the ball? Even after you explained the details of the project and how he/she is supposed to be involve. Set a timeline. But they never come back to you, they never do the work and they just conveniently forgets about it.


    Then imagine your spouse is like that. You tell him/her the same thing/task everyday. They don't do it. You split the work load and you did your part but he/she don't follow up, don't follow through on hers.


    How can you set boundaries for a spouse like that. What consequences can you give?


    This is very controlling behavior and NOT how you should treat your wife at all.

  4. The bottom line here is that she wasn't happy in the relationship anymore. You told her you couldn't be friends following the break up but you constantly messaging her is likely confusing her. You don't have any right to check her phone because what she does with anyone else now is not your business. I think you need to let go. Let her get on with her life and stop sending her messages. Allow her to move on.

  5. Also people are gonna start asking what happened soon ! Do I tell them the truth that he’s got a problem with coke and escorts and lying ???


    I'd say yeah, expose the dirty rat that he is. Let people know what kind of person he is. He is giving himself a bad rep.

  6. Get off that dating site so you can't see him. It's just torturing you. Trust me though you've dogded a very ugly bullet. If this is the kind of person he is he will never hold down a relationship for long and when he gets older and decides he wants to settle down, no one will want to know because of his reputation. He will end up alone at this rate. Men like him usually do. I have a colleague like him. He's married but he thinks he's gods gift and can have any woman he wants. And he does sleep with other women too. As he got older though he couldn't get that kind of interest anymore. Your ex will burn out one day.

  7. It's not healthy for your little boy to be exposed to numerous new partners between you and his dad. It's also confusing for him when you numerously split and get back together. It sounds like you get very bitter and resentful everytime he has a new girlfriend. It doesn't sound like you are bothered about your current bf so you should let him go. It's not fair to use someone as your emotional crutch.

  8. Unfortunately you have no control over what the baby's parents do so its pointless stressing over it. No-one is forcing you to care for him either. If your fiance has his own mind and dead set on moving out and marrying you then who cares what his mother says. On the other hand if he easily influenced by her then i would be worried about your future and how much of it she will try and take control of. Especially when it comes to your own children.

  9. Look, I've had the roughest 3 years of my life. Almost lost my mother when she had 2 heart attacks and a massive stroke in one night. She survived (barely) but will never be the same again (lost use of her right side and cant talk properly anymore, can't read or write anymore). My dad, sister and i now devote as much of our spare time as we can looking after her as well as our own families (which is very stressful and allot of driving). Lost both my grandparents, lost my 2 cats and my dog (my dog was my baby so that one hit me really hard). Lost my aunt. I have a daughter that has had some severe behavioral problems for most of her school life, and has been diagnosed as a high functioning autistic. I have a boss that is a manic depressive bully. I suffer with depression (pretty bad at times) and i'm constantly exhausted. But i keep going and put any negative thoughts out of my mind as much as i can and replace them with future plans of things i would like to do and can look forward to, like nice holidays, breaks away etc. It does work.

    • Like 1
  10. This guy is all wrong for you. You should not be feeling this way and that's his fault because of the way he treated you in the beginning. You should never have gone back the third time. I know he says he loves you, but honestly I'm having a hard time believing that. A relationship between you only came about because of his jealousy, one which he bailed on twice. He is a flake. Expressing your concerns is NOT repulsive behavior. He was just being a bully when he said that. I would strongly consider your future and if this guy should be part of it with the way he makes you feel.

    • Like 1
  11. I don’t know how on my phone and can you please re-educate yourself on the part where I said I don’t want to date? That’d be a great help. Plus, I’m not attention seeking. I’m lost and confused.


    At the bottom right of someones response, (on phone) there is some little squares, one is 'Reply' and another is 'Reply with Quote'. When you're using this site on your phone there is also an option at the very bottom of the page to go to 'full site' which then gives you the same site options as on a computer. Hope this helps :)

  12. I’m thinking possibilities of long-term, should the worst case scenario happen for me. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t want to be in limbo and leave the decision making all to him. I need to control me. No disrespect, RayofLighten, but I have noticed your posts to those asking for advice is quite harsh and not helpful to those emotions vulnerable. I know you mean to help but being critical may cause distress.


    That's just who i am. I'm straight to the point. I'm not critical, I'm strongly opinionated. I'm not trying to offend but i say what i see and don't see any sense with you. You go from one extreme to another. From your husband to wanting to jump straight in and date someone else. To me it sounds like you're lonely and craving attention. Hence the multiple posts here.


    (FYI you need to 'reply with quote' so people know who you are responding to).

  13. So she made a compromise and moved to your parents home town, now she wants you to make a compromise but you're having a hissy fit about it. You don't want her to be unhappy but it sounds like you care more about yourself.

  14. Wait, you posted only yesterday about an argument with your husband regarding your trauma. You were advised to seek therapy for this. But now 24 hours later you post about a break up and asking to date other guys. Make an appointment today and get that therapy because you're not making much sense to me.

  15. You are quite high maintenance and rather demanding. He saw this the moment you demanded he respect you because you were a little older. You put him off and made him feel pressured. I don't think you being 2 years older has bothered him at all. It's your demanding and complaining and over analyzing that he found too much. You blame him for the break down yet don't see any fault with yourself. You cant see how difficult you have been. You're very hard work.

  16. You're being very unreasonable op. There is nothing to be pissed off about. He didn't do anything wrong. It's not a crime to feel tired. It's not a crime to spend time with his baby nephew. You're being very childish.


    You're engaged so does he plan to move to you when you're married? or vice versa? What's the point of a long distance relationship? They never work out.

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