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  1. @RayRay63 wise words. I had decided after this most recent episode to cut all contact by block completely. I had even told her that exact conscience quote to her. She was doing it for herself and not me. The fight thing is new insight to me and I’ll definitely take your advice. Just was very weird to see a person go from condescending for about 1 1/2 months to mad/emotional when my basic response was I’m not taking your crap, being your b*tch anymore, or wanting you back. Makes sense that she could be using it to justify what she has done though. Never thought about that element. So thank you
  2. @HeartGoesOn Facebook where I had unfriended but not blocked. When the timer expires I will block on Facebook for sure. Phone is a whole other issue that I hope she never reaches out on
  3. Yep. I unfortunately lost her phone number and cant block it because I dont know what it is to block it
  4. Trust me. I've been blocking her on everything. I have to wait for the 48 hour cool down on facebook before I can initiate that. I was just curious in the thoughts on why she is doing this or why she continues to act like this from a psychological standpoint. I definitely understand the mantra that it does not matter though. I have refused to lift a finger or tell her my true feelings at all though
  5. Short summary of breakup: - 2 1/2 years together and planning on getting engaged within the year - Aug 18, she cheats with a coworker drunk, begs me back with promises im the one and its the biggest mistake of her life, leaves the next week for him - I try to get her back (slight begging or pushing her to make a decision) off and on for 3 weeks - decide to sack up when I'm getting nowhere with her and cut contact for 2 1/2 weeks This past Monday, she reaches out to me. She wants to let me know she will be saying prayers for me because she heard we will be putting down our family dog. I tell her I do not want to be friends and the message is inappropriate. A fight ensues. She basically blames her mother for encouraging her to reach out, and she thought I would be angry if she didn't reach out. Last night, I get drunk and message her. I ask her why the hell she would care if I was angry? Another fight ensues, and I can tell she is drunk. She tells me in the argument that she loves him now (after like a month and a half....) and when I am not being nice to her or groveling she says she is so glad she left. This morning I wake up to an apology message from her. I kinda just blow it off and say its fine and I now know where she stands. She finds out I've been throwing out the items she got me, and she absolutely flips out.....says she is so offended and "HOW DARE YOU." Once again, I say.....why do you care? I can do whatever I want to get over the relationship. She eventually makes me angry with her BS that I tell her I will not be mailing a t-shirt she left me and to leave me alone. You would think the t-shirt was made of gold because she will not let the convo drop. I finish with "for someone who wants to be left alone, you will not let this convo drop." She replies with "f**** you dude." I just say "then go then. You're the one carrying this on forever." So before I ask advice or interpretations of this, I kinda understand this sounds semi-toxic right now, but its kinda weird right? For a girl, who has moved on and is so happy? She seems to be quite invested in not only me, my feelings, as well as her legacy with me. In some ways when we are arguing, I almost feel a strange sexual tension and attraction. Maybe it's just one-sided because I still have feeling for her. But yeah? That's my story. Any thoughts on what this girl is doing/going through? Is me almost standing up for myself and not giving her the time of day or letting her turn me into a doormat turning her on/making me attractive? Weird stuff.
  6. Profound stuff, my dude. We will come out of this better men, and they will look back and regret what they did no doubt. We may hear from them or not but who cares. They have to fix this with us. Nothing more from either of us
  7. Well in the past month and a half through diet and 7 day exercise of weightlifting and boxing classes, I went from slightly toned and thin to basically I could be in a Marvel movie :) So that helps (might sound terrible but in some ways it helps me to think that if I become really really good looking on top of what I already was it will kill her especially since he's got bad dad bod)
  8. To engage with the first comment, she had always voiced that I was the first person she felt she ever truly wanted to marry, and that's why she hates herself for doing what she did. She has expressed guilt and says that even seeing items I own makes her miserable to this day. That's why she wanted to give them back in the most recent talk. I told her she could just throw them out. To engage with the second comment, I am scared she will try to come back at some point because I don't know what I would do. Do people like this tend to come back sooner rather than later? I don't know if I'll be so strong in the next month or two. I'm trying to fake it till I make it at this point.
  9. Came on here to just journal/seek advice from others as I process the destruction of the relationship I thought was with the one. I'm a 26 year old male and she's also 26. I'm a young lawyer, and she's a young news director in a town 2 hours away. Basically, we seemed to have the perfect relationship. Everyone often commented how crazy we were for one another and how in sync we were as a couple. People would often joke we were already fiancees or ask when we were going to get married. Of course, we had our problems…sometimes she could be a little headstrong (myself included) or stubborn. We would debate on certain issues, but at the end of the day, we were always polite and loved one another for the lively debate. We had a lot in common and enjoyed doing a lot of things together. The only major problem was her dealing with her ex-boyfriends. About 6 months into our relationship, I found out a person she had invited me to hang out with in a group had previously not only been with her in a cheating capacity to her former college boyfriend but that he still also sent sexual texts that she chose to ignore. He actually said once, “you can move out of your mom’s house and not pay rent here. You just have to me.” This was often passed off as how he was and I didn’t have to worry. Another ex who she cheated on because she said she forced a relationship out of a friendship is now one of her good friends but he has always seemed to long for her still. He writes her handwritten birthday cards saying, “I long for the time we can see each other again.” Once again, that’s just how he is. I shouldn’t think anything of it. Our only real fights ever occurred when ex-boyfriends came into the picture because she always thought she could be friends with them. Sometimes, she said she felt I didn’t trust her, but I said these guys were disrespecting me to my face but I always let her handle it. Now, this past August we had some tension because I was unemployed and living 2 hours away with my parents. We would see each other switching off weekends in one another’s location. She always enjoyed talking to me but sometimes she didn’t help me be productive because she would want to talk on the phone from 6:30-7:30 and then again at like 9:00-1am. I would sometimes ask for some time do workout, watch movies, play video games, etc. and she would just act like I was blowing her off or say “youre just trying to get rid of me.” However at the time, it did not feel too serious. Side note: sometimes she didn’t like being around my family too much. The week before she cheated, our family was involved in a minor argument with some cousins at a family wedding that she witnessed (although I was not included). She did comment once or twice that because I was living at home and unemployed, I seemed angrier or moodier, but I would always explain its because I felt stuck and hoped to be out soon. August 18, she went out with coworkers and I talked to her on the phone and wished her well. Send me snaps and call when she got home. She never called and when I woke up the next day, I started to get worried. I discovered a few hours later from “find my friends” she had spent the night (naked in his bed and he fingered her) with her new employee (who she hired and is the boss of - who basically everyone who sees him says has nothing on me in any way) when she blacked out and he made a move on her. She was devastated. Said I was the love of her life and she ruined it. She wanted me to be the father of her children. I naturally was a little angry, and until, I could see her the next week asked her to not only tell her mother what she did but apologize to my family as a sign of good faith (they were there when I found out). She told her mom but never my family. She came up to see me and said she had been looking for jobs near me but couldn’t find anything. We were a little awkward at first but soon became electric again. We had sex twice over the weekend, and she said she had never been so wet or had better sex ever (sorry for being gross). End of the weekend, she starts crying and asks for space. Says her feelings for him have grown and although it had previously been a minor workplace crush, she felt it could be more. She wanted a week of space. I agreed. The next day I got angry again and said I should get the week and called off the whole relationship. That night she wrote me “I’m so sorry. It shouldn’t have ended this way. I will always love you.” We talked that night, and I asked her to choose him or me, and she couldn’t. Said “she loved me, but was confused. Thinks I’m the one, but is not sure.” I stopped talking to her because she wouldn’t commit. The next day her friend messaged me and asked me to give her the week. I told her she had a week, but I had to consider us over with the chance of starting again. Said in this time, I could look at dating apps or maybe talk to someone if she was feeling this way about this guy. I waited and eventually texted Friday to talk. Found out she had seen him again Thursday to discuss her feelings and they made out. Her reasoning was that I had called it off, so I can’t be upset. I got blackout drunk the next night and called her. Broke my phone talking to her. Called her “a manipulative ” for telling me she loved me when she would go off with him, and terribly said, “she would just be the girl who someone ed at every news room she goes to” because she has a minor history of a lot of minor relationships. From there, I cut off contact for another week. Begged her back in a moment of despair, and she said that she just couldn’t decide. She believes me to be a 98% match but the “what-if” of him is killing her. She was aware that leaving me could be the biggest mistake of her life. But, he could be the one and the BEST thing. She just wants me to be happy and not hurt me again. Said I deserved someone better. Called herself a , a , and a because although she knew the cheating was wrong, she kind of liked it and both did and did not want it to continue. Supposedly, he expects a lot of her and works hard for her in the newsroom (“they could conquer the world together”), can make her laugh on a stressful day, and she wants to know more about him (she’s known him prior to this 2 months). For me, it was that we were very in sync and although I was always satisfying sexually with her, she felt sometimes we weren’t entirely compatible or I let her down socially sometimes if I looked at my phone while with her. I can’t remember exactly but she either said she saw me as a father figure or as a possible good father figure. She quoted that I would sometimes try to get out of her phone calls or the conversation felt forced (BUT AFTER 4 HOURS COME ON). I asked her to choose again, and she couldn’t. I tried to explain “grass is greener” and asked for a couple therapy, and she refused even though previously she wanted to go after she cheated. I went no contact for another 2 weeks and drunkenly contacted her saying, “I would be her biggest mistake in life.” Next day, I apologized, and she said don’t worry. I asked for her to remove all doubt for me that we would be back together because it was hurting me from moving on. She said “I don’t know what to say. I don’t see us back together at this point and I’m shocked to hear myself saying it.” I asked her to say that she could never love me romantically again and that she chose him, and she said “I suppose you could put it that way.” They are still not dating, but most likely hooking up while she is single. I stopped all communication. 2 weeks after I had stopped communication, she decided to reach out to tell me she would be saying prayers for me because she had heard through her mother that my family would be putting my dog down. At first, I thanked her, but then later said that I did not want to be friends and her communication was inappropriate. This seemed to displease her, and she said she only did it because she thought it would cheer me up and her mom encouraged her to do it (said her mom said I would be angry if she did not do it). I lied and told her I no longer had hurt so not to worry, and I was happy with myself and it just didn't work out because she didn't see me as good enough for her. She went back to her saying how wonderful I am and blah blah blah. I agreed and lied I was no longer groveling over her and her actions are toxic, this almost seemed to make her angry. From there, I blocked all contact and finally removed all her friends and family from social media (they had been liking my stuff and her mother had even reached out to me a number of times telling me to be patient with her). I had heard through the grapevine, she acted as if I was slightly crazy for how I took us breaking up, but I find that really ironic that she contacts me when I completely cut ties. As far as my personal journey, I got into a boxing class even though I was already in good shape a few weeks after the relationship ended. I also have been writing and focusing on my career. Trying to move up even farther. Other than that, no real signs of improvement. I just really miss her. I know that when we are in a room together we are like no one else. She even said “if we were in the same city. This wouldn’t have happened, but it did.” But at the end of the day, I cannot play games. This is bad for me and unless she truly wanted to come back with the right intentions, I have to cut her out of my life. My sister said to me, "if she really wanted to be with you 1000%, she would find a way to get around blocks to contact you." Until then (which probably won't happen) for my own mind, I need to move forward. So yeah…that’s my story. About a month and a half out of the breakup. Now starting a new round of no contact with a complete block for my own mental health. Cliff notes: - 3 year relationship - she cheats, begs me back, leaves again - i beg her for like 3 weeks with no result - stop contact and she reaches out and I tell her to leave me alone -hurting really bad and still love her but this is bad for me if she keeps playing games. trying to get my mind off of it Any insight, tips, advice, thoughts on whats going on with her, or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated
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