Kallman

Samoore 727, Thanks again for checking on me. I have written in a couple of days for a couple of reasons, one my "day" job has been crazy and last week I took a part time third shift job at a local truck stop close to the house. Working a lot of hours seems to help keep my mind off things, so for right now it is good for me. Well I had a complete breakdown Sunday morning when I got off work from my second job, but this time it was a good thing. I came home and woke my husband up with coffee and breakfast. All of the kids were gone, so it was quiet and we watched the Notebook. I started crying and at first he thought it was just the movie. Well when he asked me what was wrong I told him nothing, and he continued to ask. I told him that he didn't really want to hear what was wrong. He come over and sat on the couch next time and started rubbing my back. So I let it all out, everything that I had been holding in for almost two months. He started to get angry, so I asked him why are you getting angry because I am upset and crying. He first said he didn't know, then I asked him is it because you feel guilty because you know that you caused me this pain. He started crying and said yes that he hated what he had done to me and wished that their was a way he could go back and change it. We didn't talk much about what had happened, because he has already answered all the question I have that I really want to know the answer to. Instead he sat there holding me for almost three hours telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was for hurting me. He said that now it is so hard for him to leave the house to make his runs, the only thing he wants to do now is be home with me and the kids. I haven't checked the calls and texts on our phones for two days....that is a record for me. He has been calling and texting me every couple of hours. He is saying things like I will never know how much he loves, needs and wants me or that I will never know how lucky he is to have me. He even told his dispatcher that he was going to be home every weekend from now on. I hope that this is the start of him becoming an active part of rebuilding our relationship. I hope that things are going well for you.

Samoore727 Thank you for your reply, I hope that you and your husband are doing well. I completely understand the days when the pain creeps in. I seem to have those days at least three times a week. Today isn't a good day, I keep finding myself logging into our cell phone accounts to see when his last call or text message was. I hate doing that, because when I see that it wasn't me, I call him. I don't ask him if he has been on the phone directly, but I ask questions like: did you call into dispatch yet or did you have to call for directions...etc etc. He says in his "world" things are going well between us and he feels like we are becoming closer and stronger. I am not sure I agree. There is no doubt he feels that way, I am bending over backward to please him and not do anything that might upset him or push him away. I don't understand it though, I am not the one who did something wrong he is, so why I am the one trying so hard to make things right? I know he is trying, but not like I am...at least that is the way I see/feel it. I told him that I felt that way, and he said if I felt that way then I wasn't letting myself see the things he is doing. Could I be blocking out the things he does because it is the things/way I want to see/hear or feel them? If I am doing that, doesn't that mean I am not allowing him to rebuild the relationship/trust that he destroyed? I am so confused, the only thing I know for sure is I love him more than words could ever express and that I get sick to my stomach and my heart breaks ever time I think about what he did. I want to make this work, but I am so scared that it will happen again. He is an over the road truck driver. I can't sleep or eat or function when he is going through VA. I literally get sick to my stomach when he has to stay out over the weekend. I have taken so much time off work just to go out on the road with him. Please keep me in your prayers!!!

Thanks for everyones advice. I realize that we are in the same situation and feel very lucky that you have offered your shoulder, please know that mine is here for you as well. He will not go to therapy, or anything close to it. He tried with his first wife and failed, so to him there is no reason to try again. We are slowly working on things, I try not to discuss my feelings with him right, because he doesn't understand how I can feel so much pain and hurt from what has happened. He just wants me to block it out and move on. I am not doing that, I am dealing with it in my own way...talking with my thearpist and I know write in a journal about my feelings instead of talking to him about it, at least not all the time talking to him about it. When he is home and we find a couple of quiet moments together I let little bits out to him. He can't handle the pain I am going through, he gets angry. He has told me that the angry he feels is towards himself for hurting me, but the angry comes out directed at me. At least that is how I feel. Things have started to improve somewhat in the last week. He has started to open up about his feelings, he has begun to show me how much he loves, cares, needs and wants me in the ways I told him I needed to see/hear/feel them. It isn't totally there, but I see an effort that I have never seen before. This weekend, we were in VA (the land where the duo are live) we had to stop and readjust the truck we were towing, and of all place we ended up in the parking lot of the resturant where he took the daughter out to dinner the weekend before Christmas. This was very very hard for me to deal with, but this time when I got upset and started crying he just held me and told me he wished he could go back in time and never let any of this happen. He had been just getting angry at me and telling me to just get over it. I see this as a step in the right direction, of course I know at some point I have to be able to see/hear these things and not get so upset and cry. He has also agreed to start coming home every weekend instead of just a couple days a month. There is just one thing that he says to be that I don't understand... He says I am trying to hard and that I want to much to quickly. He has tried to explain it to me, but I honestly don't understand that statement. I am still feeling like it I was a better wife, homemaker, lover and I looked better that maybe he wouldn't have done these things to me. He tells me that it isn't all my fault, (that is a change from the beginning), but that it was both our faults for what happened. But that he wasn't me that forced him to do the things. Am I wrong for wanting to hear him say " I am so sorry for what I have done to you, and that I never want to hurt you again. Please baby forgive me for the horrible things I have done to you"

I am so sorry to hear about what has happened. I to am dealing with the same thing, I found out the last week of Jan. I am trying to forget and forgive, but it isn't working out that great. The fact that your husband has asked for your forgiveness and is trying is a true plus. I am not that lucking, my just said he knew he messed up, but doesn't know why nor can he promise it will never happen again. He is still blaming me for it happening, because I was always nagging him and such. Anyway good luck and I will keep your family in my prayers.

Again thank you all for your advice and prayers. I did something last night that I haven't done in some time. I went to the YMCA and worked out, it felt great and I slept last night. Today brought more issues, but I think I am handling them OK. One of our tractor trailers (the one he drives) had the motor go down in it this morning. Of course the really hard part is that he is only 30 miles from where the mother/daughter live. He got really upset with me when he called to tell me about, all because I said "you are kidding right". I completely understand that the amount of stress he is under at this very moment is unreal. I just wanted him to realize that I am under the same stress, if not more. I am the one who has to figure out how to pay for a new motor. Anyway, he was going to catch a ride back to TN from another driver, uggg it was a female driver. He did call and ask if it was ok with me. I told him I didn't like it, but I understood that he needed to get a ride back here as quickly as possible. Someone was listening to my prayers, because another driver came by and he is now riding back with HIM. I am going to go out on the road with him so we can get this load delivered with our other truck and then find a way to get the downed truck back here or fixed there. Anyway, I suppose I just wanted to let someone know that today I am smiling.....from both the words of encouragement on this board and the steps I believe my husband is taking to make things right. God Bless each and everyone of you.

Thank you so much for keeping me in your prayers. I don't believe that I can get him into see anyone. But at this point, I can't worry about getting him there. Yes he is very insensitive, but part of it I believe is I asked him to be completely truthly with me and I asked if she looked better than me. I will continue with my therpy, as I am Co-Dependent, so the doc says. I do understand some of the things he says, it is like we are together alone...if that makes any sense at all. I have my life, the kids, the company and my job. He is only home a couple days out of each month. I used to let my world revolve around him when he was home, but during the last couple of years I know that hasn't been the case. Part of it is, he didn't seem to care about anything I did for him, the kids or our business. I know from conversations with him, that he felt I/kids didn't appreciate all the hard work he does to give us the things he THOUGHT we wanted. I have told him at least a 100 times in the last month that what I want most is time with him. I do see things that he is trying to do to make this easier for me. There are times I just need to talk to him about it and cry about it, but this makes him very uncomfortable and the only coping skills he has is to stuff it or get angry. I believe this is where the "your pushing me away" comments are coming from. Again thank you for your comments, this is helping me very much. Please keep me, my husband and my family in your prayers.

I would like to thank you guys for the advice. To answer some of the questions: I am not sure how sorry he is for what happened; he has offered to give up driving a truck over the road if it would make me feel better. It would, but then he would be miserable, so I don't see much reason to do that. The daughter called and told me about the mother; I guess she had gotten into an argument with her that day. I told my husband I knew about the year long affair and then he called the daughter and told her he never wanted to talk to her again. It was the next day that the daughter called me and told me about her and my husband. My husband and I both believe that the daughter was trying to drive me out of my husbands life. He said he didn't realize this until it all came out. He did say he was glad that I knew, because he was so tired of me not knowing. I pay for the tractor trailers, but he pays for everything else. It just works out that way. I am still very very hurt, and we have been working on making new memories. But it is very hard, I have Crohn's and have been on steorids for some time, so you can imagine the weight gain I have had. He told me that my body would never compare to the daughters, but then again she is only 21 and I am 33. I had to misforturne of running into the mother when I went on the truck with my husband a couple of weeks ago. I looked a mess, and of course she didn't. I have a very low self esteem, and I have never been this way before. So making new memories is hard because I don't feel like I am as good as they are. Now problems in our marriage, well there weren't any that I knew of. Call me naive I guess, but things were going well. We have four teenage children, a small company and I work full time in a very demanding job. Sure money was tight sometimes and his wonderful ex wife is a pain. The only thing I know for sure is when his grandmother passed away in 1999 is when he had the affair with the mother. He mother passed away this past May and that is when he started talking to the daughter. Also in 1999 I was diagonised with cervical cancer; we weren't sure if I was going to live or die. So I am not sure if this has anything his actions or not. Again thank you all so much, I just feel like I am going through this alone. Since 1/30/2005 I believe he has not lied to me, seen or spoken to the "pair", I can only hope and pray I am right.

I found out last month that my husband had a year long affair with a women in another state. I found out this information from her 21 yr old daughter, who has been seeing my husband for the last 10 months. The daughter and my husband both say there wasn't anything sexual about their realtionship. But my husband did lie to me spend everyother weekend in Dec with this child, as well as spend money on her and her 4yr old child. My husband of 14 years is an over the road truck driver. He took the mother out on the road with him at least 5 or 6 times, and as he says "had sex" with her too many times to remember. He has been talking to the daughter multiple times a day since this past May, and even had pictures of her on his cell phone. He told me that he even offered to let her sleep in his truck (the one I pay for) with him one night after they went to a bar and it was really late and she didn't want to get in trouble. She still lives with her mom. He has tried for the last several weeks not to run in the area where they live, but that hasn't been sucessful. He says he hasn't called them or texted them on his phone, but I won't know until the bill comes out. He says because I am asking for reassurance about his commitment and love to me that I am pushing him away. We have made the commitment to stay together, but how do I get the images of him touching,kissing, making love to out of my mind? This is driving me crazy, I can't sleep, I am doing my job poorly and the kids are sufferring. I am seeing a thearpist, but he isn't. Please someone give me some advice on how to get these images out of my head. I want to stay with my husband.