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Posts posted by Moes

  1. I am sorry to hear what you have been through.

    I had the same issue. A girlfriend that was cheating but saying nice things. She told you only the nice things to soften the blow. But also to ease her own guilt.


    In my situation I went NC and she contacted to relief her own guilt. The lesson here is exactly what your sister says. If she wants to be 100% with you she would be able to contact you (at least multiple times)

    Now ask yourself. Why do you want to be together with somebody that is not choosing you?


    I was in the same position also. I wanted her even after cheating. Now realise this is not a good way of dealing your self-worth.


    Please please think about your own healing.

  2. Hi,


    The end results after the last breadcrumbs. Hopefully someone can learn from my experience.


    I only replied to the breadcrumbs if everything was fine with short polity messages. It set me back emotionally. Because I was over-analysing all her texts!


    Went NC


    Yesterday I asked her parents phone numbers. To send a farewell message. I never said goodbye after the break up.

    I had deleted everything related to her. I searched her number back on one of my phone invoices.


    I thought a night about it to send the messages(short gratefull content) and expected nothing back. They replied all back with positive messaging. It felt like like closure. It felt good the appreciation.


    She called me, after the messages. I took the call, i thought maybe it will give more closure. But this is probably the addictive part. The familiar and convenient feelings . It was a wrong move!! Because suddenly we where 1 hour talking about life and positive things and progress. It set me totally back!!

    Leasson learned that i should be reminded to do only things that help me forward with my healing.


    Will go back to NC untill i feel indifference. My mind says now go full NC for ever. My heart says Well stay NC or LC.

    Hopefully i can listen to my mind and continue with mindfulness exercises. (Headspace is a wonderful mindfulness app)It gives me nothing back when i stay in touch!

  3. Hi All,


    While i am working on loving my self. Cooping with the loss of my love. She sends me a whatsapp message. It is now almost 2 months of no contact.


    Saying that she likes my pictures



    I did not respond to it.


    She send a message after that saying sorry that she messaged me and she saw that I removed her on every social platform.

    She says she wont reach out to me anymore and hopes that everything is fine with me


    I really want her back, but how to respond to this ?



  4. Hi all,


    Divorces and break ups happens in 1001 different ways. But understanding some parts of a Break up seems to help the healing proces. Instead of understanding, "experiencing" the break up with the help of exercises would be very helpfull.


    Writing down, Visualisation etc


    Any other members have learned exercises to heal from a break up?


    Would be nice if it will be shared here.



  5. Thanks for the replies.


    We dont have kids. It was more about how it would look like when we take kids.


    I was not abusive. Because i shouted only 2 times shortly like couple seconds. After that i could understand her moves and told that.


    I think it was my ego and fear to trying to predict how i would be after 10 years. And got stuck in that same pessimistic thoughts.


    I blew it. I honestly want to best for her and for myself. But how to cope with it?

  6. Hi all,

    First of all i wish everybody all the luck and a strong game.


    My girlfriend( 3year relation) broke up with me suddenly because i wanted have a break and she could not handle that(according to her). I was really in doubt about our future. Because I am religious and she is not.


    It was more about how to raise the children. I did not worked on to solve the problem. But we talked twice only in the last year about this subject. She said she has no problems with raising kids on a religious way. And i dont have problems that my kids will eventually leave religion.(because i travel a lot for work and i am in love with a non believer) being a good human is more important. But the doubt kept playing in my head(because my last relation did not want to anything with religion)


    I smoked a lot of weed/hasj, so you can imagine that I was not really pro active(live in the Netherlands). I stopped smoking when I got this "break up slap" in my face, and I recognized that was I very pessimistic.


    She broke up with me and after weeks of begging and pleasing, she gave me a second chance.


    She noticed that i was changed and looked different since i stopped smoking. Instead of talking and working on communication, I went full power of making love again. Buying things, cooking, cleaning etc


    The second week i noticed that she had a affaire with somebody else. She told me she met him one week before our break up. I asked her polity how she thinks that she can love me , if she is talking about emotions with somebody else. She promised not to contact him anymore.


    The 4th week, i checked her phone and saw so many messages with this guy. I got pissed off and said this is cheating. She told me that only 1 occassion happened, during our break up and after that nothing happened. She could not stop chatting to him, because they are soulmates. It was on a Sunday.


    And the next day I went abroad for my job. Meanwhile I said let it rest/but still angry. and tried to chat only about nice things till the day I return. I came back on a Thursday and suddenly she said she does not feel anymore and she broke up again.


    I noticed on social media that she added this guy and started to ignore me partially.

    When she texts me, she calls me now by my name. I asked her to not contact me anymore. And since then she texted me twice only. But she ignores everything related our relation and emotions.


    I am trying to the No contact solution, because this hurts very much. I really want to have her back but on the other side, she already moved on.


    Want to know how to keep the game strong!

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