Jump to content

lightwelter

Members
  • Posts

    16
  • Joined

lightwelter's Achievements

Apprentice

Apprentice (3/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

1

Reputation

  1. Yep I am moving out at the end of the week. The lease is in her name. She comes back from her parents today, so we will see how next week goes.
  2. Thanks all. To be honest, things have been complicated by the fact that she has been feeling depressed recently. She doesnt know exactly why she feels this way, and it could be because of the fact she's going into her last year of medicine, problems with her friends here, or because of how she feels about the two of us. In response to the above questions, she does want to date but just live seperately. I want to be there for her and help with what she's going through, but also I don't want to be strung along. If the problems that her and I were having at the moment were an isolated incedent, I would be reluctant to end things because of the other things contributing to the way she's feeling at the moment. But, she has made these noises for a few months, before there were any other problems in her life. This is what makes me feel like it is the right thing for me to end things now, and avoid hanging on and waiting to see if things improve.
  3. Hello. I wanted to make this thread, partly for myself to put words down about how I feel, and to hear others opinions if they have any. I have lived together with my girlfriend in an apartment for the last ~9 months. She is going into her last year as a medical student. She has asked me to move out the apartment for 2 reasons; 1) she will be studying non-stop next year, so wants her own space, 2) she has been feeling very down recently, and doesn't know why. She thinks she might love me less than she did before (her own words). I don't really know what to think. I have recognised that she has a lot of things which are making her feel very down at the moment, other than our relationship. She feels depressed about various things, and I have tried to be supportive, and help her recognise that stress, and often depression, is normal as a final year medical student. I love her. But her saying things like she loves me less, like she isn't 100% sure on us having a future together, obviously makes me uncertain. So, I don't know whether to wait for these other things to blow over, and see how we are, or whether to just end this and possibly spare myself months of uncertainty on whether she actually wants to be together. I also don't want any sort of messy break up for her while she's in her final year as a medical student. I will also add that in the past, when I have spoken about the future, she has said, "we might not be together" (slightly tongue in cheek, but why would you say it tongue in cheek if you don't mean it). That is something I wouldn't say, because I wouldn't stick around in a relationship if I didn't see a future. At the moment I feel a lot of anger at the way she's being acting recently, but I also know she is going through a very difficult time, so I have to keep these things inside. This is why I wanted to write on here. Do I end this, when I know there are many positive things, we are very similar people, and I could see a future together, or do I take her apparent hints and end this?
  4. I'm not sure where you're getting "continue" from as this isn't something that's been going on for a long time. The reason is, though, that it's difficult to let go of a person that you once thought the world of and was the most important thing in your life, even if only for a relatively short period. Thank you to you and everyone for the advice. I messaged her to say I can't keep up with the friendship, as it feels like she comes to me for support and comfort and it's only really a one way thing, she doesn't genuinely respect or value me. She said okay and apologised. Sometimes I wish I never met her and I wouldn't have had to go through all the BS over the last 6 months, but at the end of the day pain and heartache is such a great opportunity to better yourself and that's what I'm learning every day.
  5. I've posted on here before about a previous break-up I had a few months back now. All in all it was an incredibly painful experience, one of the lowest I've felt in my life. I've been better since and have achieved a good amount since the break up, but I still feel pain every day. She still gets in touch, around once a week, maybe more. Most of the time it's when she's stressed or upset about various things. Now I don't harbour any hopes of rekindling the relationship, it's impossible because I've moved away and there was far too much pain, and she's moved on to someone else anyways. Why exactly would she look to come to me for support, knowing all the pain she's put me through? I'm not trying to read into in a sense that "does she want to get back together", I know that isn't it, but I am curious. The other thing is that she seems to come for me for support, tell me about what she's doing etc. But when I do the same, she seems as if she's not interested one bit. It feels a bit like I'm being used, so maybe I should tell her to avoid contact, but that's a difficult thing to do because you're then saying goodbye to someone forever, which is tough. Any advice would be appreciated.
  6. Thanks all. In a way I'm glad I found out, because as someone said above, this is the worst bombshell that could be dropped on me and so it can't really get any worse from here. The painful and very sudden nature of the break up still haunts me, but for the most part I'm doing a lot better and feel stronger now than I was beforehand. I definitely agree with the whole not trying to run from the pain, just acknowledging it is there and riding through it. That's the part that has made me stronger. Thankfully I'm moving to France (from the UK) in 3 months, so have a hell of a lot to look forward to that will help me forget all about her!
  7. Today I got that gut-wrenching, horrible news that my ex girlfriend, who I'm still in love with, has found someone new. It's a horrible feeling, particularly as part of the reason she gave me for wanting to end the relationship was that she was not sexually attracted to me, which as you can imagine is a hard thing to hear and doesn't do much for your self confidence. I'm going through the motions at the moment and understand that it'll take a few days to get past these horrible thoughts, and the inevitable feelings of inadequacy. But I'm wondering if people could share their experiences or give advice on coping strategies if they've ever been in the same situation? A bit of background, we broke up at the end of July, and there was a month of arguing and bitterness afterwards, but we have since been a lot more civil and did a little bit of training together, which helped patch things up and get passed all the anger surrounding the break-up. Thanks in advance
  8. Yep I can attest to this. My ex broke up with me in December when she was away home for Christmas. After a few weeks of arguing and me telling her this was the wrong decision, we were great together etc, I cut her off completely. A week or two later she came back to me, telling me she missed me, wasn't over me etc. We got back together for around 4 months and then she went away for 8 weeks, and the exact same thing happened (I was absolutely crushed and still am, posted about it a few weeks ago). That being said we had an amazing 4 months so I don't really regret taking her back much, it's just that I've learned that you probably shouldn't ever take anyone back that's ended things with you. It's tempting to think no contact could get your ex back, but what it will do is make you feel better and slowly but surely forget about him/her.
  9. Thanks all, very good advice. Maybe I didn't react well but I do think it was natural for me to get emotional given that someone I loved deeply had suddenly had a change of heart for the second time. It's a shame when there is clearly a bond here, but we can't be friends after this because she's said things that have been too damaging. Really grateful for the supportive comments.
  10. I posted on here a few weeks ago after my ex girlfriend broke up with me, something I'm very much still trying to come to terms with. The relationship broke down while she was away travelling in Africa for 8 weeks. After about 1 week of being away, I could tell her tone had changed, and I knew I was losing her. Prior to her leaving, we were in a seemingly perfect position, very "loved up". This was the second time in our relationship that she had suddenly ended things in our prime. When she went home for Christmas, the same thing happened, she suddenly felt different and ended things. About 6 weeks later, she came back to me, saying she missed me, and that she had made a mistake. Now 5 months later she's done the same again. My problem was when she was away travelling in Africa I didn't give her enough space. I knew that something was wrong, and asked her what the problem was, and she replied saying "I feel the same way I did at Christmas". My ideal self would have ended the relationship there and then, because I felt messed around. But instead, I continued to message her every day, until the point where she was telling me to leave her alone (I know, I'm embarrassed with myself). I will say that I was very good to her throughout the relationship. I was 100% committed, I looked out for her, was there for her, and gave her a lot of support. I really tried to make her feel loved and appreciated. I was frustrated because I needed a little bit of support from her while she was away, literally a message to showed she still cared, but when I asked for reassurance I got nothing. Now it's two weeks since we've split up and I still struggle not to give in to the temptation to message her, which always leads to arguments and stupid things being said. My problem is that I've lost dignity, damaged my sense of self-worth, and it kind of becomes a vicious cycle where I think 'oh, I've done the damage now already, nothing else will make this worse'. I think my anger and pain is justified because this is the second time she's suddenly ended things in what seemed to be our "honeymoon period", but I do feel a lot of shame and regret for the way I've acted. Please no judgemental responses, but has anyone else been in a similar situation or have any thoughts on how to get passed these feelings of shame?
  11. It will end, you won't feel like this forever. I'm going through the exact same thing right now, and what I thought was the love of my life, the most gorgeous perfect girl I ever met, suddenly ended it, in quite a horrible way. It's an awful feeling and can lower self-esteem and your sense of self-worth, but like others have said, the best thing to do is to try and help yourself. It's ok to think about them, it's ok to think about the great times you have, it's ok to remember the intimacy, there's no point trying to battle that and you have to try and move through it, not around it. Like others have said, you have to bring yourself to get on with your day and do things that will make you feel better. Exercise, eat well, laugh with your friends. Inside you will still hurt but keep it up and you WILL get past it and you WILL meet someone better, more suited to you.
  12. Yep, as much as I'd like to think she wasn't putting the feelers out, she was initiating pretty much every message, he sent her a song and she replied saying "this song always reminds me of you", all of it looked like she was indeed putting the feelers out. That's why I think he told her he was back with his ex, to get her to back off. She said she was messaging him because they were really good friends, he had donated money towards her fundraising for the trip away. But then so did a lot of people, so did a lot of friends. I think that putting out the feelers towards an ex whilst still in a relationship is the wrong thing to do. As much as I didn't react well, everything I have done was pretty petty (e.g. being needy, reading messages), and I never questioned my love for her and it does make me angry that after all the times I was there for her, she couldn't be here for me this once and she forgot about everything we had. The frustrating thing is she came back to me before, and as good as things were between us, it's not really worth the pain and heartache I feel. I hope one day she realises what she lost, because made every effort to make her feel loved and appreciated. It's complicated, but she has had problems with sex in the past and hadn't been with anyone for 18 months prior to me, primarily because of her issues with sex (which I won't go into). I tried to be understanding and considerate about her problems, and we took things slow in that department (despite the relationship starting with a lot of clear sexual attraction between the two of us). I feel like she needed to be with someone she loved and trusted to get past those issues, which she did (she became a lot more comfortable with sex). She didn't want is as much or as frequently as I did, but she always put that down to her issues with sex which I understood. After all her issues and insecurities, it angers me that she could come out and say she's not sexually attracted to me, because I always there for her throughout her problems with sex and her feelings of inadequacy and being unattractive. It's quite a brutal and harsh thing to say, and it's something that I'd keep to myself if I felt it towards a partner.
  13. Yep, you're probably right. She has another year in the same city as me, but she wants to go off and travel and see the world. I agree with what you say in regards to losing sight of what we have when I'm not around. It's hard because I miss her intensely, while she barely missed me at all (even if that was because I became needy). There is a part of me that thinks, who knows what could have been if I hadn't messaged her at all while she was away. Maybe she would have missed me, maybe things would have been ok, and so in that sense I regret how I acted, even if I feel she initiated and exacerbated my feelings of anxiety about what was going on. I certainly wouldn't say I'd marked her as my territory. I know she's friends with lots of guys, goes to lunch with some of them as friends, but I never saw a problem with this because I was always getting a lot of love and affection from her, and I trusted her. The difference in this scenario is that I stopped getting that love and affection, which is what drove me to read her message. Things have ended on bad terms and that's a shame. At the very least I'd like to wait a month and talk about things without the anger of the last few weeks.
  14. I don't think that's what's going to happen. He's with someone else, but they have always been good friends and they only had a short relationship. I miss-read the situation with those two, but in anyone's eyes the message she sent made it look like she still had feelings. He messaged her saying, I'm back with my ex now, she replied saying "my loss". Weeks later she said that what she meant was that because he was back with his ex, who holds something against her, they won't be able to be friends anymore, hence the "my loss". I do trust her when she says that, because I never thought she is someone that would go behind my back and send out signals to an ex boyfriend. I'm really down about the whole situation and wish we could have done the things we spoke about before she left. The sudden nature of it all was what was so difficult to understand. I didn't help myself while she was away, but I'm trying to keep myself busy now and focus on more important things. 80% of me wants her back because we had something very special, but she's inflicted a lot of damage with some of the things she said and how cold she's been with me, and it would take a lot on her part for me to get past those things.
  15. Thanks for your reply and honestly. This has happened once before in our relationship. There has never been a time when we're together that things aren't perfect. It seems that when she leaves, that's when problems arise. Last Christmas, she went home for the holidays and the same thing happened. We had an argument, which was ultimately trivial, and she then changed her tone, which again made me freak out, and push her away further, a bit of a vicious cycle! The thing is, she came back to me after that episode. I shut her out and was trying to move on with my life, but she was very honest about the whole situation, and I took her back. I felt like it was such a good decision because we fell in love and had an amazing few months together. She said that if I hadn't been so needy while she was away in Africa, we might not be in this situation, which kind of gives me hope. She also says she still loves me. This is why I said wait for a month. Once she's over the anger and frustration of how I acted, she can see things more clearly, as can I. But I see what you're saying, I know that had I been in her situation and she asked me for reassurance, I would have gone out my way to give her it. I can understand when relationships go stale, you get sick of each other, stop enjoying each others company, start arguing a lot etc, but that's not what's happened, we've always had something incredibly special which only comes along a few times in a lifetime. It seems a shame to throw it all away!
×
×
  • Create New...