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SoulLost

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  1. I can see that I really do not want to get involved in anything like this again. I may very well take you up on that offer - thank you.
  2. Thank you. I would much prefer that this : was the case, in truth. However, I obviously can't post all details and am trying to be as vague as possible. But I will say this much - I am having the pressure put on me now. My own fault I guess. I really don't have the time to devote to sharing my life with someone at present. It isn't my character, it's definitely out very much out of character for me, so yes I need to address why.
  3. FWDthinker thank you for your input. I am afraid you have got it wrong on the ego part though. I don't think 'winning' a cheater is much of a prize to boost one's ego, hence why I never wanted nor expected it to get this far. It definitely isn't a way to boost self esteem. I can understand why people would think that though. You are right about the rest though. I can't control how he handles the situations in his life, I can only handle my own. Whether he chooses to come clean or not is up to him and really not my concern I guess. I am aware of the hurt I am/have caused both, albeit one unknowingly. I didn't expect to end up hurting him though.
  4. So, now it is my fault when married men approach me, even when I turn them down? Wow, beginning to think you really can't win whether you do right or wrong. Perhaps in those instances, it may be, just possibly, the men doing the approaching, whom are at fault.
  5. Yes. In the past I have always turned down married men, always without hesitation. So am disappointed in myself that not only have I gone there now, but in the worst possible way.
  6. Yes there is this. Whilst I know I am clean and used protection, it doesn't mean he has used it with potential others. This is a good point, thanks for raising it.
  7. Thank you, I appreciate this. I certainly do realize what I've done is awful, which is why I posted here. I wont tell on him, but wondered whether people felt I should urge him to come clean to her himself so they can try heal from this. Or whether she is best being free of the pain it would cause. All three of your points are very correct and make very good sense. Thank you. I have beaten myself up enough about this already before building the courage to even post about it. You are right, I think the fact she was pregnant has added extra sensitivity to the situation; I can fully appreciate why. The more I think of it, the worse it gets and I am feeling very sorry for her.
  8. The other poster was laughing, Seraphim. I have my reasons to believe it yes, though I would prefer not to post the details. I may have made a very bad and immoral decision here, which I acknowledge. However I am not a daft woman when it comes to believing everything a man tell's you. I know better than that - precisely why I was not intending nor expecting him to develop feelings. It's such a mess and I cannot believe I have done what I've done.
  9. I think it's extremely sad that in 2018 people laugh at the prospect of men being abused, whether it be mentally, emotionally or whatever. I have said it doesn't excuse this behaviour, he could have just left. Which I guess he's going to now. Abuse is wrong, whether the victim is male or female. Cheating is wrong, whether you are male or female. Plenty of female victims of abuse have cheated on partners and I assume we wouldn't 'Lololol' at them. Responses like these are exactly why far too many men endure abuse - for fear of being laughed at, or undermined. I totally, 100% agree, and I think I covered this in my initial post, and subsequent ones. I take responsibility for my own behaviour as it has been very wrong. However I will not take responsibility for the other party, as they are entirely responsible for their own behaviour as well. I understand very well 'other women' are hated venomously and with a vengeance, and expected as much. However, I don't entirely understand why men get off so lightly while women take the entirety of it. I certainly can't make any other person do something they don't wish to do, as was said earlier in the thread, if he wants to cheat he'll do it, albeit not with myself if I said no. I didn't - can't really change that now. The reason I posted here was to try and get advice about how to make it better, or at the very least, not any worse. I don't think I can stop him from leaving her now, I can still back off however. I do not see the point of remaining here to read peoples venom of what an evil horrible person I am. I've accepted responsibility for my part from my initial post, admitted that I am having serious guilt and do not wish to make it any worse. I have posted seeking advice as I whilst I cannot undo what's done, I can try to find the right path from here. Do you think she should know? Or leave her blissfully unaware and back away.
  10. No, this is exactly the point - I didn't. I never expected it to get that far at all.
  11. I'm sorry but I can only take responsibility for myself & my actions as one person, I can not and will not take responsibility for his. He is as much responsible for his own as I am mine, which he full well admits. I did not initiate anything. I am not the person who was in a relationship with her. I feel I am taking responsibility for my part pretty well but it's unfair to suggest I take it for him, he is his own person and as responsible for himself as I am me. However, I appreciate the advice as to where to go from here. I guess I would like to hear a woman's input on that, at least. I think lesson indeed well learnt here. I have never done anything like this before and won't be doing it again, either.
  12. I should mention, there was abuse from her to him. It doesn't justify things though. I do think he was going to leave her anyway at some point.. just maybe not as quickly. I've no idea what to do to try and and not make the situation worse at this point.
  13. I'm the other woman. And fully expect to get a flaming. They have a young baby, the affair started before baby was born. It was supposed to be just sex - that's what we agreed to. Then he started telling me he has feelings for me. Then that he was falling for me. Now he loves me and is going to leave her. And he is damn serious too. I have never expected, asked, hinted or anything of the sort for this - I kept it at just sex and I made sure we both knew where we stood on that before anything happened. I know what I have done is bad, but I thought it would be worse to break up a family, hence me never expecting or wanting him to leave her. Now the guilt is truly setting in, and I'm not sure what on earth to do. Would she be better off with me completely backing away, or better off if he leaves? Would he be better off if I backed away? I thought it was women who weren't so good at the 'just sex' situation, not really men. I've no idea how this happened, I didn't expect any of this. I'm not proud of what I've done. I have been a s*** excuse of a human being. But s*** just got real, I guess.
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