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Mittens1992

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Everything posted by Mittens1992

  1. Before I go on, I'm totally aware that I have problems. I am in therapy and have been for along time, I constantly try to get better in this area and DO get better, but it's a very slow process. So here's my story. I met my girlfriend a year ago and we fell in love pretty hard. The first 4 months we weren't "together" we were in that stage of "Oh i don't want anything serious". Basically we were both being super insecure and pushing each other away. During that time we both slept with other people. When we finally got together things were perfect, a dream. About a month in we bumped into her ex and i asked the question "when was the last time you saw him" she replied "ages maybe a year". A few months later we finally decided to have the conversation "so, did you sleep with anyone while we weren't "official"". I was immediately honest and told her everything, she didn't like it but understood that I had done nothing wrong. She then told me that she'd slept with her ex once. See a few sentences before. She'd lied originally. She admitted she had panicked and lied before, but this really set me off and basically ruined our relationship. I got super paranoid and jealous and insecure I couldn't get a handle on it. We had both done nothing wrong in our act of having causal sex whilst single, but the lie sent me crazy. We ended up slitting up 3 months ago, she broke it off with me saying she couldn't handle it anymore, we had totally spiralled out of control. I understood and respected her decision. I was devastated - I'd been through a lot of break ups but never one like this, boo hoo etc. Anyway. We remained in contact and carried on sleeping together. I'd asked for her back a few times during this period but she said no each time. Eventually I gave up and got on with my life. She eventually came back to me. "I never stopped loving you, I'm an idiot, I was scared, I'm so sorry, lets get back together" and back together we got. Things are great again. But I'm struggling again. Who did she sleep with the 2 months while we were broken up? She promised she didn't, but she also said in conversation that she wouldn't tell me if anything meaningless happened with anyone because it would make me spiral into jealousy and paranoia. Which makes total sense, but also kills me. I know a lot of people will say, "just leave it then, she loves you that's all that matters, ignorance is bliss" but this isn't that simple. I'm sick with paranoia, jealousy and curiosity. I've raised it with my therapist and I'm doing the same CBT techniques I've been doing for years. Is this as much of a mess as I think it is? We're super happy together, and I hide these thoughts as best I can because they're my problem, not hers. I trust that she isn't cheating and hasn't cheated (which is a first for me, this is how I ruined all my other relationships, constant paranoia - which shows THERAPY WORKS, YAY!) but the question of "what did she do when we were split up?!?!" I just CANNOT seem to kill. I can't ask her over and over again, that's not fair. Any two cents would be hugely appreciated. Lots of love and thanks.
  2. Absolutely, it's utterly ridiculous and out of order that i acted like that. Thanks for advice
  3. I wasn't aggressive or anything too shocking. I was very passive aggressive and basically accused her of lying when she told me nothing happened, then hysterically cried and apologised when I realised how wrong I was. There was someone she was hanging out with while we were getting together and I just got the idea in my head that there was more to it than that. It's utterly ridiculous and out of order that I acted like that. I absolutely trust her I just had a momentary lapse of morality and I wish more than anything that I didn't handle it the way I did.
  4. Hi all. I've screwed up. I got an idea in my head that my girlfriend had lied to me about her activities with someone else. To cut a long story short, She's an angel and I made the whole thing up in my head. I got drunk and had a fire in my mind I couldn't put out. I accused her of lying and was verbally quite mean to her. I saw the light straight afterwards, I profusely apologised and I'm praying she will forgive me. We're fairly new (6 ish months) to the relationship but apart from that one thing, everything is perfect. I'm in therapy to deal with my trust issues from past relationships, but my therapist double booked that week and I didn't see him. That +alcohol + that worry = an ugly bad boyfriend. She says she still loves me but she's very upset. I'm terrified I've ruined everything. I don't know what to do apart from grovel, carry on my efforts to beat my trust issues and pray she forgives me, right? Thanks for reading.
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