Three days ago I just discovered my husband is cheating on me. I will be quite honest, we've had a few rough patches recently. My husband has worked very hard to obtain his masters degree and he just graduated earlier this month. He works an extra job in the winter mostly for fun but this also keeps him busy. The past four months, I honestly haven't been the best wife. I've been very lazy by not doing my part around the house (our house is always a mess) by not cleaning or not doing dishes regularly. My husband has more of a load of work than I do so he has been frustrated that I haven't been doing my part, as he should be. We've been together over 4 years and just got married 7 months ago... I do need to be a better wife though and I know this. Depression is something that I have always struggled with so I feel like this is partly because of that sometimes. All of this doesn't help that my sex drive is usually non existent. I still get myself in the mood. So we do usually have sex about once a week and I treat him (which I know isn't that much) but this is definitelyÂ another issue with our relationship. So the issues start with me and I am aware that I have screwed up lately and I need to be a better person. We have both talked about this. Despite the ruts, we still have a lot of fun together, have good sex, and have good moments together. We just closed on our first home less than two weeks ago and we were so excited!
How I found out my husband is cheating was through Snapchat. We both have this app. If you're not familiar with this Snapchat, some of this might not make sense. I use it occasionally. The other night, I was going through my friends "stories." Something that pops up are "Quick adds." I guess they're people Snapchat suggests you be friends with or you have friends in common, or maybe they're new to snapchat and they pop because you either have their phone number or you're friends on Facebook. So I see one of the "Quick adds" that clearly sticks out. I have my husband saved in my phone as "My Man." I see this "quick add" with this name but with a strange username. Something that doesn't make sense for him to have for sure ... I wasn't with him when I saw this. Immediately, I think something is up. This is completely snooping and invading his privacy but I couldn't help myself. I logout out of my snapchat and enter in this strange username and the same password that he uses for absolutely everything. Success. I'm logged in and I see there is some made up name he is using and I know it is his because I can see his phone number on the settings. I see two girl's names. I'm straight up panicking but with snapchat being the way it is, I can't see any previous messages or pictures sent but I can tell that some things have been sent and received. I haven't said anything to him because I have absolutely no idea how and I know he'll be defensive. So again, I know this is bad, but I've been logging in and out of his snapchat. Somehow, with one girl, I clicked on her name, scrolled up and saw a lengthy back and forth convo. He tells her things like "it was great talking to her, let's only message on here ok, when are we gonna hang out." He even messaged her a picture of our dog and said that our dog and her dog should meet. It sounds like they might have tried to meet up but then he says "were you nervous, I really wanted to see you." She at one point tells him to stop calling her so much when she doesn't answer but writes "yes" to hanging out. He eventually messages her asking her to unblock him from Facebook so they can message there instead???
Then, yesterday, my husband tells me to text him when I get off work. That's not normal for us. He usually starts calling me around 5:15 if I haven't called him yet that I'm off to talk about dinner plans and such. I am immediately suspicious, I login to his snapchat and see his messages to the same girl and three other girls he sends pictures but also messages to. I literally see a message that says "if I pay you 50, we can f***k right?" and then later "you rocked it... can I pay you tomorrow, I'm busy tonight." I have no idea if they actually met or if he has with another girl. I have no idea. I saw these messages though and my body did what I've never experienced. My joints locked up, I was shaking and tingling all over. Completely freaking out.
I took pictures of all of the messages with a camera. I have no idea what to do. I haven't told anyone. I want to call my friends, I want to call my mom, I almost want to call his mom and dad, talk to his best friend, I want to call him out on it but I don't. I have been pretending like I don't know a thing and it's been so hard. I just am completely scared.Â
I know I screwed up by being lazy lately. I truly do, but I didn't think things would EVER come to this EVER. I feel like I've lost my best friend. We've shared so many special things together. The one person I share everything with, who I tell everything, who I laugh with, who I have planned my life with, who I look forward to seeing when I come home, who I cry to, I feel like is gone. I feel like this is my fault because of how I've been and that's why I haven't said anything because I don't know how to bring it up. I want to confront him of course but I'm scared. Do I tell someone I know? Do I eventually talk to him about it? Do we see a counselor? Do we give up, divorce, and move on? I feel like if I say something, it will change things forever. When bad things happen, I turn to him and that is all I want to do but I can't. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. We both say this to each other but things will never be the same. We're supposed to go purchase new appliances this weekend for our new home but it now just all feels fake. We just talked about kids earlier this week and a lot over the past few months. He's being his normal self, and being so kind still. We are also helping some friends, who are like family to us, pack up and move to a new state this weekend. So it's been emotional and sad and that is also why I haven't said anything. I honestly do not know if he met up with anyone (yet, if I don't say anything) and I know people have much worse!! I still feel like everything is crumbling. Any advice on what steps I should take are truly appreciated. I feel like I'm trapped with this secret. Thank you for your time and anyone who has any advice.