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ArchieAnon

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  1. Ah, okay, I understand. You are spot-on about me hoping for us to have a future together at some point. As far as where her heart was, what I know is that she was quite devastated, just as I was, at the breakup (that is, until she found someone else quite quickly). She was even willing to wait for me to feel ready and comfortable, but I told her to go and live her life without me restraining her anymore. And the excuse she gave for not having moved out all that time was that she was simply unable to (that is, until two months after I left). I actually worry about what she thinks of me now beca
  2. Thank you as always for your very insightful reply, just as you provided last time. I think you bring up some very strong points here. I have definitely wondered why exactly I feel so strongly now, yet when it came down to us moving forward, I froze up and couldn't do it. That has often been a huge source of self-deprecation for me, the question of "Why couldn't I have just loved her enough to move forward with her?" I made it a question of whether I loved her or not. I think this was a false dilemma. I think I did get a high from knowing I was so very desired by her, and I think, especiall
  3. Thank you all for your replies. It means so much to have the support and the reassurance that I did the right thing. I know it's going to be hard moving forward, but I'm going to start taking steps that I need to take to heal, such as blocking on social media. I'm a bit curious about exactly what you meant here, MissCanuck. Could you explain this? When you say that our hearts weren't aligned anymore, where, from your perspective of course, was my heart in comparison to hers?
  4. We spent plenty of time with one another over video chat, phone calls, and text messages. Video chats especially. That comprised the majority of our relationship. But I suppose that's drastically different than actually spending time with them in person, huh? I guess I just did not realize that because I've never been in a serious relationship like this.
  5. Thank you for this. It was my fault that we were not a confirmed couple -- I kept telling her I felt uncomfortable with the circumstances and the baggage and that it was not a good time for us (I realize now that this is silly because we were basically a couple without the label). She always said she was willing to wait until I felt ready and that circumstances are temporary. I know I need to start making efforts to believe all this. All friends, family, and mentors support and reassure me of my decision, yet I still question it all and struggle with thoughts of what could have been. I
  6. We dated for about 5 months, starting in June 2019. We started dating right after I had graduated college. I was able to visit her more (around once every two weeks) compared to later because I had my apartment lease until the end of July. Once my apartment was gone, it was harder to visit each other, but in between we kept in contact through video calls and texting. Then over time it became harder and harder to see on another due to circumstances, going on to seeing each other once a month and after that even longer. TL;DR: At the beginning of the relationship, we got to visit each other a
  7. Well, looking back, I'm not sure why I phrased it like that. We were dating, though what I meant in the previous post is that we never put a label on it. We most certainly went on dates and were very romantically involved with one another. She was living with her ex all the way until I ended things in January, which is one of the reasons I let her go (I felt we were jumping into the same situation again). I think she finally got out of there in March, which means this new guy has not had to deal with the ex near as much as me (I'm quite envious about this -- why did she suddenly put in the eff
  8. Thank you for your reply. Since everything is so fresh, I really see no good in any of this. I've torn myself down every day saying I am the reason that everything is falling apart. But what I do know is that nearly everyone I asked to help give me guidance on the relationship said I should probably let her go. And it matched up with my gut feeling. So I know I need to make an effort to believe that this was for the best. The toxic thoughts lately have just been so crippling. I assume I know their relationship, and I assume the absolute worst. And I'm realizing I've placed my value far too
  9. Hey everyone. It's been a few months since I last posted. Last time, I talked of a break up that happened back in November 2019. Well, here's what's happened since then: I'm afraid I did not take the advice of cutting contact with her back in November. For a while, I was doing well about just talking with her has friends. But over time, it became clear that we could not handle that sort of thing. In December we went back to talking like boyfriend and girlfriend again, and it wasn't long before we were talking about how we could be a better couple in the future. After having not seen her
  10. This makes sense. I guess, for the record, I didn't necessarily find the thought of her being my wife as unappealing. And, to her credit, she was not rushing me into anything. I think it was more that I looked and saw what was unattractive in the relationship thus far. I think I was just overwhelmed by a combination of my life being in a big transition, knowing what she was ready for, and recognizing the messiness of the relationship in general. And I guess I just wasn't willing to build my life around the relationship, in the state it was in, at this point in time. If, in the future, when
  11. Once again, thank you all for your responses. I suppose I should be thankful that I am graduated anyways, and we have an hour between each other. We both have our own stuff to focus on. That certainly makes it easier for us to heal and move on. Maybe we'll reconnect romantically in the future, maybe not. But I know I have to believe this was for the best at this point in time, and I hope that she'll come to understand that too.
  12. Thanks for all your replies so far; they've been very reassuring. I miss her, but I know I need to stay strong. One of my (female) college mentors that I went to for advice on this (who knows both me and this girl pretty well) told me this: "I love that girl, and it's been so exciting seeing how much she's grown as a person over the years. But she has a long way to go. Just from observing her over time, I can tell she identifies herself by who she is dating. She needs time to be single and to find herself alone, without a guy in the picture." I'm now thinking maybe it goes both ways -- I
  13. I guess I've never thought about things this way. I think you're absolutely right about me feeling both drawn to and repelled by her state. I guess Selfish Me never thought much about my own instability throughout all this. That makes me feel very crappy, that I've encouraged her in areas that I also condemn her for. She's always been willing to do so much for my sake, which always made me want to give her a chance. I think that's why I hung on for so long. For instance, this summer she was struggling pretty badly with depression and bipolar disorder, and when I mentioned going to free coun
  14. So I let this girl go on Wednesday night. We had been talking for around 5 months. While I do think we have a lot of chemistry and potential, I ultimately turned her down and told her my heart wasn't in it anymore for the following reasons: She still lives with her ex who she broke up with in June. I honestly don't believe I am the rebound because she's had a thing for me ever since we met 4 years ago, and I do trust that she has not been messing around with him anymore. But he is extremely jealous of me and toxic (sometimes borderline psychotic) to her, and he doesn't allow me over. She sa
  15. Thanks for all the replies so far, I really appreciate them. To be honest, I don't think I'm just a rebound for her. She has been interested in me for four years now. She wanted to date me last December, but I turned her down for personal reasons. That's when she went on to date the other guy who she recently broke up with. I could be wrong, but I'm thinking she likes me more than she ever liked him. What I do see as a major concern (especially reading all the good points you've all made) is the fact that she lives with someone she used to be intimate with. I will make sure she knows I d
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