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Everything posted by sunflower10

  1. Wiseman I'm wondering if he has NPD ( NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER). It's all about him and his needs , then his children, then me instead of creating a happy home life for his kids who he claims to love. He loves himself first, then his kids and I don't think I feature. I just feel like his slave.
  2. Thanks Wiseman. Great insight. I just joined yesterday how or when can I send a private message do you know?
  3. Thank you Holly. I have just joined this site how do I send a private message ?
  4. When my baby was born he withdrew all affection and moved out of our room. No support with feeding baby. Emailed him about issues as there is no talking to him. We talk about kids and mundane things. I have used the words emotional abuse lots of times....
  5. Thank you Mari and Danzee great advice. I like the sound of the chores with consequences and will certainly look into Gottman's four hoursemen. He has not engaged or communicated with me now for over 4 months. Have written him emails, tried talking to him to no avail. I have asked him to engage with me on finances as I will need a childminder when I return to work but he refuses to discuss money. He thinks he is a multiimillionaire but is on an average saalry not a million miles from mine. I forgot to add he stole my phone, broke into it and then pretended to help me find it in the bin but I never found it. He also pushes me onto the bed pretending to be playful and when I get annoyed tells me I have no sense of humour. He has thrown food that. I have cooked on the floor. Danzee great advice re the la de da must try that one !!!Good idea too re getting the kids to help really good training for them especially little boys as I want my son one day to be a good partner and for my girls not to be with a narcissist /chauvinist....
  6. Not sure where to start as three children in ...
  7. Hi dancing fool. Yes he is worse than useless.If he just sat in the corner and said nothing that would be better but he thinks he has the right to criticize and comment when he has no right to! Good point you make though about not being his victim. I have tried just leaving his clothes on the floor not doing his washing, cooking etc he would happily have no beds made, dirty dishes pile up , grass not cut ...... He has a weird sense of entitlement which perhaps he got from his own upbringing. I just hope my son does not turn out like him.
  8. Hi Alchemist re acting like his servant he will say things such as whats the point in being married if you don't do this or that for me....Really upsetting and am akind and giving person by my nature and have put 100% into this marriage..
  9. Thanks for all the replies..Contributing very little dancing fool. He is continuing to refuse to engage with me in spite of his promises and apologies. He never takes responsibility for anything and its all about him and his needs. He has astrange view on the role of a woman too. I feel I am walking on eggshells all the time. In terms of engagement nothing has changed. In fact he is worse.This is having a very detrimental effect on my well being. He has stopped talking / communicating with me .I'm terrified that it is the kids who will suffer in the long run.
  10. Hi there, I'm looking for advice on abusive relationships please . I have been married for 8 years, have three children and am at the end of my tether. I'm just exhausted. I have itemised aspects of my relationship that are bothering me. Would love some advice. Can people change? Should say I have a full time job Mon-Fri. I basically work full time do everything in the home. How can I get my husband to have insight- there is no talking to him. Never compliments me. Slags my shoes asks me why I'm not wearing high heels instead of flats If wearing a top he might say where did you get that top and I might say why do you like it.The response is usually interesting which means he doesn't... Leaves all the children's activities to me to research and pay for Life is about hotels , eating out Does no domestic chores , shopping or cooking Generally doesn't like my clothes and says I should shop in expensive stores When he wants to go away for the weekend I have no say when he insists on getting a rate for a third night Makes me have a drink and gets pissed off when I don't drink Blames me if any of the kids have anything wrong with them and says why didn't you take them to the doctor before now Never services or valets car No discussion around what do get the kids for Christmas yet if I go and buy them presents its why do I never get a say in what to buy them. Will go off and buy them more presents and over indulge them not good parenting. Leaves all the purchasing of kris kindling to me and family birthdays Criticises my cooking and has no right to when he doesn't cook. When I make staples likes spaghetti bolognese he tells me he hates mince yet someone else would make it and he would happily eat it. Hates when i shop in the cheaper supermarkets has to be the best. When planning my child birthday he complaines that it wasn't more extravagant and that he has no say in said birthday when none of the little pre school class friends have started to have parties so was family only. When highlighting my hair complains if I don' t go to the best of the best hair salon . for the last 4 years I have done all the driving . Begged him to learn to drive . Found him two driving instructors, did all the research, booked his tests. When he did pass barely got a thank you. Never get a birthday present, mothers day present from him. organised a significant birthday in the house for his family barely got a thank you. Didnt thank me for his significant birthday present never does any washing or cooking Refuses to fold his clothes or hang up his suits Doesnt help with childcare Won't discuss finances When unpacking shopping does a disappearing trick I pay for everything and have to get the money back then Leaves all the admin to me - paying house insurance, car tax , renewing passports. Lives beyond his means refuses to discuss childcare , bills, plan for family holidays. Doesnt know how much is in his account can't do internet banking Sees weekends as just for fun Spends a lot of time watching football and netflix Thank you for any advice as in a bad place, Sunflower10
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