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  1. What's going to stop you from doing it again: Because I feel I've done enough, there's no more for me to do - I already opened my heart. Also, I didn't send that message to prove to him that I'm good enough, I felt intuitively I wanted to do it to be authentic. But yes it's true that (when I'm not coming from that place of inner peace and love like I did when I sent that message) I always felt I wasn't good enough and that I needed to increase my worth in his eyes. Why would you even consider it an option/ why would he deserve it?: Because I really had fun and excitement when I would hang out with him Why would you need to reach out from your heart?: I wanted to just open up and be authentic. I wanted him to know I cared because I never told him before. I saw it as a way to grow. And felt it was needed for me to let go rather than holding it in forever.
  2. I'm actually feeling confused now. Because I really felt that it was right to share that message no matter what his response would've been. And I really resonate with bluecastle's words on that perspective. But reading MissCarmack and figureitout's responses makes me feel it was idiotic to do so.
  3. And about Miss Canuck's quote about "The one who brought you pain isn't going to be the one to fix your pain", of course that's true because I wasn't expecting him to fix my pain when I sent my message. I was fixing my pain by being open and honest with myself and letting what I felt out into the world.
  4. Thanks figureitout23, I really disagree that I reached out for "unhealthy reasons", I felt it was purely from my heart and a good idea to do it. Then after I did it I started getting excited when he messaged me lots. But my intention was not to get back with him or have any expected result from him. I still don't regret doing it. I do not plan to reach out to him again as I've done what I felt I needed to do.
  5. Yes bluecastle, your words are BANG ON. I sent him that message not to get him to want me more. I did it because it came from a loving place within me that wasn't worried about the outcome. I felt that since I had always been guarded with him, it was actually a sign of growth to myself for me to send this message to him. To open up. (Then, unfortunately, afterwards my mind took over and got stressed). And you are right, I waver between the two ways of thinking. On the positive side, I feel I am absolutely amazing that I am so authentic and would do such a thing. I am emotionally intelligent and care for people. I can't thank you enough for your words.
  6. I haven't been able to live my life this year including go out enough and meet people. I had chronic tiredness which would come on after doing little things like doing the laundry, and I was trying to manage study with that. This affected my ability to do anything much at all, and on top of this I also don't feel attractive enough to put myself out there a lot of the time. Apart from putting myself out there to meet my ex, which ended up in a lot of fun. But I felt if that was all a lie then I won't feel confident enough to put myself out there again. I've started working on the tiredness with health professionals and I'm getting to a point where I emotionally feel I MUST go out and meet people, I must start living my life. No, I'm very happy I sent him that message. I listened to my intuition for that. I knew I had to open my heart for myself, and my intuition said his response (rejection or not) doesn't matter, it's not about the response but getting my heart out there.
  7. And the fact that he didn't really respond appropriately to my thank you message shows he is just not at my level, not at an emotionally mature level actually. (He didn't say that's nice of you or thank you, he just said "hi!! this year???". He forgot that we met this year in January. He thought we met last year. In my first message I said I was grateful for meeting him this year. (Btw I thought that because he forgot that as well as forgetting which car was mine when he walked me back to my car the last time we met, that he didn't care about me)
  8. Thank you so much bluecastle for your wholesome words. I guess it doesn't make sense for a guy to date and have sex with a woman if he isn't the slightest bit attracted to her. I sometimes reach the insight you provided, that he was into me but incompatible, but that perspective never stayed. I maybe need to CHOOSE to think from that perspective. Anything that helps me move on I guess
  9. I don't have any friends nor a fun life, my life at the moment is me trying to fix health issues preventing me from working and starting to live my life and travel. So I don't have much to move onto.
  10. I have an appointment to see my psychologist in 2 weeks time to discuss this. I haven't seen her in a while nor talked much about this issue (in the past we covered other topics). I know people break up all the time. I just couldn't deal with the possibility that he was never into me because I feel this signals how my future dating life will be like.
  11. I actually tried so so so hard after the breakup to build my self worth up and build a life for myself. I was really convinced at some point that I had achieved that. Particularly FROM reflecting on what I'd learned in the relationship. I did a lot of reflecting and learning. But I'm back to this place again?! I'm 25, he's 24.
  12. I am feeling terrible pain and depression, that he must've never actually liked me. I questioned it the whole time I was with him, and it doesn't make sense for someone to be sooo into me and saying he loves me then acting distant and like he never had feelings. He must've lied the whole time. And I feel EVEN worse that he's trying to be nice by replying to me... I know this sounds pathetic but I truly feel I am just going to be a magnet for these types of guys, no one will think I'm good enough. I just wanted proof that my ex did in fact like me and that I was good enough for such an attractive guy. It sounds truly pathetic but it's how I really, really feel. I don't get much interest from guys so I don't feel I can just move onto another.
  13. I won't because I wanted my message to be the final sort of thing for me. What I'm struggling to deal with is the feeling of being suprised that he just isn't into me, that he has gotten over me so easily (if he loved me while we were together). I feel I'm a well rounded person, good looking, kind and friendly, I do a lot of work on myself, if I was a guy and had a woman like that interested in me I'd be into her. :(
  14. Hi, I have posted about my ex before here (for some background story: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=555116 ) I thought that as several people said I maybe didn't show enough interest to him when he last said he was in town (please quickly read my first post as it explains what happened), and also for me to feel some closure (by opening my heart and knowing I did the best I could) I would send him a message saying I was thinking of him and that I'm grateful for the time we had together. I didn't do it expecting a reaction but rather to open up my heart and be better able to let it go that way. I let go of the fear of rejection and just did it. I really felt the need to be open as I'd never done that before with him and I wanted to do it for myself too. I also did it because I thought that if he was interested in me it would nudge him that I am interested, and that if he wasn't and I got "rejected" that that would be a bit of clarity in itself. He replied really quickly and asking questions like how I've been, when I said a lot's been happening he said he wants to know what's been happening; where I'm planning on going travelling in the future (I talked about travelling soon). Then, as he has done in the past, he stopped replying or even reading my last message, although he's been online. If he doesn't care for me then why didn't he just ignore my first message, why did he ask me questions? I truly don't understand him. Although, I know I've done the best I can now and there's nothing more I can do, and I'm glad I sent that mesage.
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