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Unsure18

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  1. I’m a woman whose husband of 21 years cheated on me with a younger woman, left me, and married her before the ink on the divorce papers were dry. I followed my ex through out his military career. We had many challenges, illness, births, deaths among other things and yes, we had issues. We were toxic. We were often mean to one another but the love was there at one time. I was angry, hurt and forever impacted by how he decided to make his departure regardless of how toxic our relationship was. Had we made the choice to work on it, i would have but he always refused so his answer was to run off and find someone new. Get out of this situation while you still have an ounce of dignity. It’s easy for people to kick you while you are down but he also made the choice to hook up with you which makes him just has guilty. Allow them the opportunity to correct their lives. Then if and when he leaves her the right way, and he still wants you in his life you might consider having a relationship but one built on lies and deceit from the gitgo is not a healthy start. Go forward and let him go. Best of luck
  2. I suppose i should ask what is healthy? Seriously. I came to this forum for guidance. I have only had one relationship in my 40+ years of life. And now him. I came here with all transparency but also naive under all conditions and just hoped for some direction.
  3. Thanks everyone for your candid responses. First, my apologies for the run-on paragraphs, I was using talk to text and just let my emotions run wild. I imagine that it may seem I’m disrespecting him or discounting him because of some of my comments but in all truth, I do love and adore him I just don’t know how to communicate with him about what I am feeling. It’s possible for opposites to find happiness. And let me be clear, I don’t consider him deadweight nor would I rather be out with my friends. What I said or what was meant in that comment was I want to share each moment out with him but he is disinterested or when he comes along, he does not interact and I do not want him to feel uncomfortable nor do i want him to be unhappy. I do care for him and I do want to share a future with him, I am just confused about what I’m feeling. I’ve never been in love before. I thought I was when I was married to my exe but I quickly found we were truly incompatible and we were both unhappy. I will continue to say he is an amazing man- I am not confused about that. And I am not mean person but searching for answers as a person who was married for over 20 years, and never truly had any other relationships. Just a thought
  4. I met him almost a year ago online. He reached out to me first and the Communication was awesome. After a little over two weeks we decided to finally meet. He lives two hours away for me and I decided that I would be the first to drive to him so that I would have the control over whether or not I wanted to leave. The day came and I drove the 2 Hour drive to meet him. My first impression of him was that he was overweight but very attractive. He seemed somewhat reserved but once we cut through the ice there was a instant connection. He was the first to say I love you and he was also the first to tell me that he’s never felt like this for any other woman. After a few more months we decided to introduce our children which are teenagers and they got along splendidly. Then shortly after that he introduced me to his mom and his extended closer family. He has yet to meet any of my family as none of them are in state. He and I have discussed marriage but I am not in a hurry to remarry as I was married for quite a while was cheated on, and divorced only less than two years ago. No as I’ve said in my past posts please don’t judge the relationship or my situation because my marriage was level is for a very long time and we were very toxic to one another so even though my husband had cheated on me it was the best thing that has ever happened to me and it did not take me long to move on with my life. My boyfriend gives me everything I need emotionally that I could ever want in a relationship. He He fulfills me in ways I never knew were possible and he is always very attentive in making sure that I feel loved and wanted. But lately I have been having doubts and cannot bring myself to discuss these doubts with him. I know that it’s wrong but most of my doubts may not be warranted. I don’t know. First off, he’s overweight by quite a lot and alrhough he does keep up with me and wants to do the same things I do, he often pays the price for it the next day with aches, pains or issues. Also, he’s quite introverted where I’m more extroverted. It’s not a dealbreaker but sometimes I would prefer to go out together than just me out with my friends alone. But even when he does go out, he’s very quiet and doesn’t interact or say much so most of my friends think he’s either a jerk or just not into them. That couldn’t be further fr the truth. Also, he is super sensitive. I have to be mindful at times, about what I say because if I say it wrong he gets really hurt and then we spend about 20 minutes sorting through the feelings and the meaning. It doesn’t happen a lot but when it does it’s very frustrating. I also recognize that he’s not very motivated. I’m not saying he’s lazy because he’s a hard worker when it comes to his job but as far as doing things around the house Or yardwork etc. he says he will do it yet I’ve never really seen him do anything other than laundry and dishes. He isn’t very manly, if you Know what I mean. I hate to say that he doesn’t have a backbone but he’s always about keeping the peace and although there’s nothing wrong with that sometimes I wonder if he would ever have my back if I really needed him too. To make matters worse, and caused me to question things even more an old flame has recently reached out to me. Over a year ago I broke it off with him because I wasn’t in the place for a relationship but in the last few months he has been texting me and we somewhat reconnected in a friendly way. I am ready to tell him to take a hike because I feel my friendship with him is imposing on my relationship and causing me question all of these things. However, I’m really not sure if it’s because my boyfriend truly isn’t the one for me after all or I wouldn’t be questioning it. I just don’t know. My boyfriend has so many amazing qualities and I know he loves me unconditionally. I suppose I should do the same but in every relationship we make a list of what we would like and somethings are dealbreaker‘s. Now don’t get me wrong, nothing that he does is truly a dealbreaker for me But things have been questioned lately as to whether I should just fly free for a little while to decide what I want in my life or if I should truly commit and focus on the future with only him. I’m pretty confused and torn up about this because I know I love him but my inexperience in love is confusing. What are your thoughts.
  5. That’s a scary thought. I don’t know if I agree he is cheating. However, I will say that several of his behaviors have become difficult to understand. He’s often saying he wants to marry me and be together forever. Again, says he’s never felt this way for anyone else. He’s somewhat of an introvert and an “ eyore type which I hate to label him as, but that’s the best way to describe him. He’s gotten very very heavy since I met him. I’m pretty active and although he keeps up with me, he usually pays The price the next day keeping things easy going while he recooperates. He had his teenage daughter move in with Him and since Then is when all of these major changes started affecting our relationship: ie, he’s not as motivated for sex, he’s stressed etc. I just wonder if it’s some of that or something deeper. I’m confused.
  6. Well you’ll know. Actions speak louder than words. Just remember that after a while your relationship will transition into a more comfortable stage and all the little things that you were used too in the beginning will wane. I would try to reconnect with him. Plan a trip away just the two of you, or if that’s not possible, spark some romance between the two of you so his desires don’t form elsewhere. My bf and i play an app called happy couple, it’s been great for keeping us connected. Maybe you can start there. Occupy your mind and stop stalking him. :)
  7. Let me say my bf had several online profiles from before our time together. I have also checked to verify whether he was still on at the beginning of our relationship but quickly realized that if there’s no trust, there’s nothing. Give him the benefit of the doubt unless you find true hard proof he is cheating around. You’ll drive yourself crazy. Let it be and if you can’t, it’s time to move on.
  8. Edmund, thank you for that response. I appreciate it. It made me feel a bit more secure. I do feel I love him and we’ve had some challenges. I suppose I worry that it’s too good to be true and he isn’t this amazing, nice man I’ve grown to know but an insecure, needy and somewhat lazy guy. I hope that’s not the case. I’m going to keep my eyes and ears open but am not going to assume the worse anymore. :)
  9. This is quite a story so I truly hope if you’re taking the time to read this you will respond with all sincerity as I desperately am confused and unsure of what to do. It all started last summer when I met him online. I had been in a long marriage- let’s say we were high school sweethearts and after 25 years of marriage he found a younger model. Needless to say, I’ve been divorced over a year and met- whom I thought was the man of my dreams. Since meeting this new man last summer we have held a long distance relationship and have seen one another almost every weekend and spoke each day for almost a year. First off, he’s got a huge heart. He’s an amazingly kind and loving man but more recently I’m seeing things that have me concerned. I’ve realized he’s a bit more insecure than I originally thought. He’s a bit more lazy outside of work then I thought and he has recently made one cortical remark to me which is hurtful about my body. Now let me begin by saying our relationship started in a whirlwind. He said I love you first and although has had many relationships, and I have not, said he’s never felt what he feels for me. Of course coming out of a long term marriage and under the circumstances, I have a hard time believing everything he says even though he has never given me a reason to not believe untik recently. Now before you say it was too soon for me to jump into a serous relationship after my divorce please note I lived with a loveless and disconnected, toxic marriage for years so when we left yes, it was a shock but a relief. And it didn’t take long for me to move on. So with that being said, recently I’ve begun questioning my current relationship. First off, I am highly sexual and in the last 6 months my bf has lost his drive. He claims it’s due to stress from work and age etc. could very well be but has me wondering as in the first three months there never seemed to be any issues. Next, he doesn’t cook or even try. He somewhat still a mamas boy as when he was a bachelor he was always going to her home and she would cook for him. He has a terrible lifestyle and diet and has gained 30lbs since we met which brings on tons of more ailments and issues. Aside from that, I was recently diagnosed with cancer and had surgery. He did support me and stay with me but the few things i asked for him to do he “forgot” to do. He is a bit whiny and doesn’t seem to know general things that I thought most men know how to do: bbq, change a tire, etc. Also, considering i was feeling fairly low, he made a jokingly statement about a part of my body and it Was hurtful. When I called him out on it he apologized and after he left kept sending texts saying how bad he felt for the stupid thing he said. Claims he feels I’m perfect although his comment proves otherwise. Regardless, all these things are coming To light and I can’t stop thinking about all Of it. He doesn’t have any hobbies but does have a few friends he still gets together with on occasion. I have already talked with him so hashing it out won’t change anything. Part of me wants monitor the way things progress as I don’t feel I can tolerate if he were to say anything else derogatory or mean about me which I cannot change. The reason this is so difficult is because aside from those things (which I agree are major) we get along fabulously and we are closely connected. He fills my heart in a way I’ve nevEr felt from any other man. He is attentive to my needs and overall strives to make me happy. I can make myself happy but again, I don’t have a ton of relationships under my belt so I don’t know if I’m just confused and need to take a pause, if I’m reading into this because no relationship is perfect or if I simply need to move on. I am so very distressed to the point where I am losing sleep at night. Help please
  10. His daughter is 17 and he has already mentioned moving to me once she graduates and goes off to college. We use to see one another every weekend and alternate the visits but recently we decided to cut it to every other weekend as his daughter was unhappy with being alone. The kicker is his daughter has all the support there including her mother and extended family but never wants to be alone. Also she moved in because she had a strained relationship with her moms live in bf and didn’t want to live there anymore
  11. I’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost 8 months. We live about 3 hours from one another. He’s a great man, has a teen daughter that lives at home and he has a great career. In the beginning the honeymoon phase was fantastic. It was so overwhelmingly perfect as we learned one another. But then a few months in, his daughter moved in with him and ever since he has been overwhelmed with being a single parent. I am also a single parent. My child is 15 and his is 17. He seems to coddle her and everything is about her all the time. If it’s not his work he is complaining about it’s about her. I am happy he’s an attentive father but sometimes it feels like since she’s moved in he really doesn’t have time to make me a priority anymore. Most of the thoughtful texts have gone away and the nightly phone calls seem forced on him. I am only assuming but when i ask him he says to just love him and he always denies any non interest. I wish I could stop feeling this way but it lingers. Of course there are several things that have emerged since our honeymoon phase has dwindled and I realize i am a very active person whereas he’s simple and satisfied with merely spending his weekends on the sofa watching movies. Whenever I text him now I always get a response but it’s nothnng like it use to be. It’s always very matter of fact or that he’s busy and it hurts me that he doesn’t give what I truly need. Is this a man thing or am I overreacting. I’ve been very supportive of his new life and transition but I’m getting burned out playing second fiddle. I’ve told him how I feel and I only get told he’s doing His best so that makes me feel bad for even mentioning it. Im not jealous of his daughter but don’t feel the balance between his daughter and me. I am independent and confident so I know i would be alright moving on but something keeps me here and i want to believe it’s a hope of change and because i know i love him. Is it just time for me to cut my losses and move on or is there hope? Help!!!!
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