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Lizzers

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  1. My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. We met on OKCupid and entered into a relationship very quickly. We both agreed we felt an instant connection and there was a lot of chemistry in the beginning. Over the course of two months, I became increasingly unhappy once I realized who this person actually was. He was emotionally unavailable and had extreme paranoia about certain things. For example, he called me during an extremely busy work day because he had red marks on his penis to ask me if there was anything he needed to know. This was after us getting tested and having the results at the beginning of our relationship. He could shut his emotions off instantly. There were many other red flags, but despite these red flags I still developed feelings for him. I am just so taken aback by the ending of this relationship. It all started so well, I truly thought this was the person I could see myself marrying and settling down with. More than anything I am very disappointed. Yesterday he told me he saw no future with me, that the spark was gone, and asked if we could be friends. Of course I said no, and initiated no contact. I wiped him from my phone and all of my social media accounts. I have learned a lot of lessons about moving too fast in relationships, but to be honest I'm going to be sad for a while. Why do we sometimes gravitate towards someone that we know is bad for us? How did you move on from such an intense connection with the wrong person? I've read that breakups are like drug withdrawal. I am taking each day as it comes and trying to cope in a healthy way.
  2. Hi ThatwasThen, we have been dating for one month. As of today, we are still officially together. He seems to have the "three month" period stuck in his head of when everything goes down the toilet, so it could be that we've made it a month and it's new freak out territory. I am leaning towards anxiety as the culprut, but it's hard for me to understand that anxiety alone would cause someone to push away like this. And I want to add to this- I have also suffered from extreme anxiety and depression and have been in therapy for many years, so I recognize the symptoms, but I am in a good head space now where I can push past the anxieties and not let them control me. I don't think he's in the same place. I have so much patience and love for anxiety sufferers and those with mental illness, but it can be exhausting. This is giving me a lot of insight, thank you all for your input and keep it coming.
  3. Thank you for responding. I want to know more but I don't think I can PM yet since this is my second ever post.
  4. Hello, I've browsed these forums a lot recently as I've gotten back into dating and it's been really helpful to read everyone's stories and opinions. This time, I need some advice. A little background: I'm a 29-year-old female. I haven't really dated anyone in about three and a half years, up until a few weeks ago. Three and a half years ago my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and it was a long and painful journey, and I didn't want to date because I wanted to focus on myself and my family and my career. She passed away this past July, and after six months of grieving I finally felt ready to date again. I decided to download a few dating apps. I talked to some people and it was going okay, not great. One day I stumbled upon this guy's profile who looked really good, and I decided to message him back. After some initial texts and Snapchats we decided to hang out. The first date was okay at first - he showed up 45 minutes late and I was definitely not impressed but decided to give him a chance. I'm glad I did. We clicked instantaneously. We ended up missing our reservation because we just got wrapped up in talking. It was a really powerful connection for both of us, and we both agreed that we hadn't felt anything like it before. From the first date, there were fireworks. His kiss was so powerful that I actually felt dizzy, and he felt the same way about me. The next week was blur. I was so crazy about this guy. We play the same video games, we enjoy the same activities, we laugh hard with each other, and our bodies fit each other like they were built for each other. Everything felt so perfect, I honestly thought I had met the person I was supposed to be with, even though it was all happening so quickly. After a week he asked me to be exclusive, and I said yes. We both deleted our dating apps from our phones. After a two weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. He initiated the status change on Facebook, and posted a picture of us to his wall to show all of his friends that he is serious about me. He also went through his phone and deleted all of his old female contacts that he had met through dating apps. I saw him do it. I have been pretty burned from past relationships, so this felt like a breath of fresh air. Someone that was very serious about me, and someone that was ready for a mature relationship. I had absolutely clarity, and fully trusted this person. Yes, I know this is a fast pace. I do understand that, but sometimes when it feels right then it just feels right. I made the active decision to lean into a good thing. I recognize the mistake of not really knowing someone first, but it felt like I had known this person forever. Then, about three or four days later he had a full blown panic attack while we were hanging out. We had a long talk about his past relationships and how he was feeling. He had a panic attack because of some really horrible things that his ex did to him. I'm not going to get into details, but it traumatized him. She was manipulative and cruel. I held him through his panic attack and kissed his cheeks and told him to breath. He calmed down, and things seemed fine after that. He told me I was awesome and beautiful in every way. We talked about him feeling flawed, and feeling broken. I liked him even more for sharing his pain with me. It takes a lot to expose yourself to someone that you like. A few days came and went - we had a game night, we cooked together, and we danced around his living room to Marvin Gaye - everything was great. I have to note, we see each other maybe twice a week because my work schedule is so busy right now. One night after we hadn't seen each other for three days or so we had plans to hang out and he canceled on me last minute to have a guys night. I was upset, because I have been working long hours at work in order to see him. I communicated this, we talked about it maturely, and we both moved forward happier because we had the conversation. He said, "I like you even more now because we can talk like this." At this point I felt the energy of the relationship start to shift. Almost overnight, an emotional wall went up. He stopped texting me as much, he didn't want to kiss me, he didn't want to sleep with me. I felt him distancing himself. He has a history of anxiety, so I decided to continue being loving and just give him his space. On Valentine's Day I took him to a jazz club because he loves jazz music. We got really dressed up, and looked amazing. The entire night was just awesome. Then, afterwards, around 8:30pm he said he was tired and wanted to go home. I noticed he had been Snapchatting a lot, and he got a text message and immediately moved his phone out of my line of vision. This is a guy who has told me he's been staying up until 2am because he can't sleep, but he was tired at 8:30pm. I asked him about this, and he said he really likes me and it freaks him out. He's scared. Now, the suspicions and doubts have come flooding into my heart. I don't have a good feeling about this. I want to move forward, not backwards. I'm feel emotional whiplash, because we were making great strides. He's serious about me, as far as I can tell. I'm his girlfriend, and he even has a picture of me hanging on his fridge that his mom has seen. Last night around 12am I was up working and sent him a snapchat. He sent me a snap back, and then when I woke up I saw that his score had gone up a lot - meaning he was messaging someone after 12am. I don't want to have doubts, I want to have trust, but this situation doesn't feel right to me. Why do something potentially awful if you're serious about a person? Does anyone have some insight into this situation? Have you been in a place like this before? I appreciate some honest feedback. Thank you!
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