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clehane

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About clehane

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  1. Hello kind readers, Just an update. We ended up meeting to talk that Wednesday. After dinner, we sat somewhere quiet, he took my hand and told me "You need to know this - I love you. I did something I shouldn't have." When in tears I asked him what it was, he revealed that he had a one night stand. I felt blank. Tears dried up, I started shivering, then I went on autopilot and tried to talk through our issues and understand why he did it. When I pressed him for details (like whom, and when, and where), he was cagey and refused to say anything, stating that it was already done and h
  2. Sorry for the essay length reply. Andrina, you're absolutely right. I'm incredibly fearful of getting hurt - it's true that closing myself up in a shell also closes myself to nee positive experiences. I know I need to work on it. And I'm probably in denial - but it is hard to give up and there's considerable heartache. (why am I defending him?) He did clarify during that crying episode that he meant he didn't believe in the storybook; romantic idealisation of love, that it isn't all flowers and sunshine all the time. Which I agree. When I asked him to define it, he said t was com
  3. Honestly, this extended silence and withdrawal isn't helping matters - it is precisely this verbal affirmations that makes me all the more unable to feel connected or loved, and in a way is an affirmation of the fear of abandonment that has been lingering in the background, but which I thought was slowly fading as I got prepared to He knows that it is bothering me as I have told him before, but when he replies my texts hours later after seeing it he doesn't acknowledge my bids for affection (like me asking where the emojis are). Sorry, I know it is childish but it hurts because it seems that
  4. it'sallgrand, I see where you are coming from and how this period may have made him feel sexually rejected. Our relationship isn't sexless, however - we've done oral since the third or fourth month of being together, just not penetrative sex. Typing this, I can see that everyone was right on the money that I didn't feel like I could trust - before him there was a person whom I did like very much but he did the silent treatment. Back in primary I was ostracised before by people whom I thought were very good friends, so since then I have had problems opening up and trusting out of fear of
  5. BeenThereB4, Thank you for your honesty. Your advice does echo that of my friends who told me not to do anything I'm not ready to. From the responses, it seems like the consensus is that the crux of the matter lies in the sex issue (though maybe this could be affected by how I titled the thread). What bothers me is the 'feeling drained...emotionally" part, which seems to imply I'm an emotional vampire - the last thing I want to be. I'm not sure precisely what I should do day-by-day. By giving him space, do I just stay quiet? Send 'goodnight's on my end? Staying quiet seems to perpetu
  6. thealchemist, Thank you. I really appreciate the perspective. I am 23 this year, and this is my first long-term relationship. He is also 23, but has had a few ex-girlfriends and 1 FWB, all of whom eventually had sex with him. I'm not sure if this has perhaps raised his expectations.
  7. Andrina, I have tried using a tampon once years ago and it hurt so badly I never tried again. So far he has managed to get a finger in me at most after oral. I think the experience was made worse because I was hungry, the part-time maid was there to clean and would have to enter any moment, and I was also fearful of what it would mean to us - he told me before that sex was "something fun we could do together". While I don't necessarily disagree, as stupid as it sounds I do want my first time to mean something/ be memorable rather than just "fun", which could be easily achieved in a hook-up.
  8. MissCanuck, Thanks for responding. Yes, I do agree the time is less than ideal and I'd really prefer to talk face-to-face, and I don't want to be an emotionally exhausting presence. Perhaps I am labouring under the sunk cost fallacy, because the very reason why we were attracted to each other and stayed together was due to mutual interests, values (ambition, hard work, go-getting) and personality traits.
  9. We are both 23. This is my first relationship, but he has had a few ex girlfriends and a FWB, all of whom have given him sex.
  10. Thank you. I really appreciate the perspective. I am 23 this year, and this is my first long-term relationship. He is also 23, but has had a few ex-girlfriends and 1 FWB, all of whom eventually had sex with him. I'm not sure if this has perhaps raised his expectations. BeenThereB4, Thank you for your honesty. Your advice does echo that of my friends who told me not to do anything I'm not ready to. Andrina, I have tried using a tampon once years ago and it hurt so badly I never tried again. So far he has managed to get a finger in me at most after oral. I think the experience was
  11. Hello kind readers, My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. Since three months into the relationship, he has been asking me to have penetrative sex, but I have not agreed, telling him that as a virgin, I wanted to feel loved and supported and I wasn't physically or emotionally ready. We have done other things. Last Sunday we were together and he asked me if I wanted to try. Although I said "I don't know", he proceeds to get the condom. I didn't protest, we tried thrice but ultimately I climbed off and cried because it hurt too much, telling him I didn't like it. I apolo
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