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Skatterbunny

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Posts posted by Skatterbunny

  1. Yeah i too seem to not be able to carry a child for long after my first. Had a few miscarriages. The doctor wont investigate. Im thinking now im in my 40s it is probably my egg quality, but prior to this i thought it could be some other complication from my first c-section. I kick myself for not finding a better doctor... mine is totally incompetent. I asked for referral to a fertility specialist when i was 40 to help have another baby and he keeps telling me i dont need it and I have plenty of time to have another child. Im 43 now...plenty of time NOT. I feel like reporting him to the medical board for his total lack of medical care. I was thinking of asking my sister for an egg but i'm not sure if i could cope with it being her child not mine.

  2. I have so many things to say...but I'm about to head off to bed... and just sending you a virtual HUG and a reminder to just breathe. Big deep breathe in, slow on the out. You are doing great. At least you KNOW it is a toxic relationship and you should be proud you have the smarts to get out while you can. You know deep down you are not happy and she is not the one for you. I think the last thing you needed after your relationship to your wife ended was a person with so much baggage already. But whats done is done. You are in pain right now, its the codependancy trap! You are at the edge of panic and your heart feels like it beats too hard and too fast and you cant focus. But it will pass. You will find happiness in the future, we all do. It is just that we are incapable of seeing that and believing that on the day we are feeling this way. Without pain in our lives how would we know what love and happiness was? Hang in there buddy, your doing great. I wish you the best. xoxoxo

  3. Question for the Ladies:

    If you had a baby later in life and used an egg donor and your husbands sperm would you still feel it was 100 percent your child knowing even though you carry it, you have none of your dna in that child?

     

    And if you used an egg donated from your sister.... how would you feel for the rest of your life looking at the kid and knowing your husband technically has a child with your sister? If you were the sister would you always look at the child and think in your mind "you are looking like me, i am your mum" but never say it to anyone? Would you just rather the donor be an anonymous donor?

     

    All opinions and ponderings are welcome. Just interested on what you all think.

  4. wow... you really are an over thinker :-) You are both young, he is definitely thinking about sex with you. Men dont go on that many dates and do that much talking and getting to know you stuff and not expect it to be leading to the next level of seeing each other. I dont think I've ever had a man pay that much attention to get me into bed at that age so you should be happy to find a man who would even wait for it this long. Sex is very important to a lot of men (and women), and I guess you need to decide are you wanting to sleep with him and maybe become his girlfriend? And do you require some long term commitment before you have sex with anyone? That is fine if you do, im just sussing the situation out. Because hands up here who can reel off a few boys they had sex with at your age just for a bit of fun? :p :eek: :p haha...okay everyone put ya hands back on the keyboards now ;-). Babe, he sounds lovely. Give him a chance stop over thinking everything. Go with the flow. If its meant to be it will be.

  5. He sounds to me like he may even be seeing more than just you? Seems awfully hot and cold. That is never a good sign at the start. I've always said the first six months to a year of a relationship should be the absolute BEST ones, all gah gah in love and having the best sex you will ever have with them and wanting to be together so much your friends cant stand to be near you because your happiness is almost sickening. This doesn't sound anything like that. And really...upset about a pick? This guy may have mummy issues. But what ever his issues are, just let him chase you and explain his behavior. You shouldn't have to feel so confused and hurt so early on and he owes you an explanation. I wish you luck, give us an update!

  6. Sounds to me like you could be dealing with a narcissist (grandma). My mother is one. She constantly would be fighting about something with someone in our family she lived the drama and she was always right (in her mind). If we tried to help out a sister against our mother she would turn on them even worse so, just try to stay out of their way and move out as fast as you can and get on with your own life. Good luck.

  7. I had fatigue for almost nine months and could barely keep my Job, had test after test ...They finally found out I had post viral fatigue from glandular fever. They said if it lasted more than a year it would be declared chronic fatigue and I just had to wait til it went away. Have you been tested for that? I assumed I had been but the doctor had missed it. Hope you feel better soon.

  8. I somehow keep ending up with men who after a while I find out some really strange things about and it's led to me discovering that they have been sleeping with other men or have slept with men in the past and still desire to do so. Yet when you approach the subject they vehemently deny it. Why can't gay men just stay away from straight women. And how can you tell ? Before you fall in love with them. It mAkes you feel like you can't trust anyone...so much for a boys night out haha...everyone suddenly becomes competition. I had trust issues before my last two relationships now I don't think I can trust a man ever again. Majority of them are lying cowards. Can anyone convince me I'm wrong?

  9. Give the gifts. Really tacky to return gifts.

     

    Be the bigger person. You should also thank them for the gifts.

     

    What should i write on the card? Thanks for having nothing to do with your only grandchild ? I have told my ex i will never stop them seeing her and they are more than welcome to come see her or take her over for a visit or out or whatever. I tried to contact his mother a month ago asking what the problem was and i'd be more than happy to talk and sort it out and she never even replied to my texts.

  10. Well, wait a minute here. It was your ex who brought the presents over to you five weeks late. You don't know if the grandparents gave the gifts five weeks late. And it's your ex who is telling them you won't let them see their granddaughter. And what have you told the grandparents directly? What? You haven't called them?

     

    Like ThatwasThen said, why don't you pick up the phone and call them? And ask them if they want to talk to their granddaughter. Ask them if they want to come over and see their granddaughter.

     

    Don't act all hurt unless you've made the effort to talk to them.

     

    yeah they prob had the gifts on time but wouldnt have bothered to drive them over to her or to him. big effort hey, they only live ten mins up the road.

     

    Its a really weird thing with his family, and im sure its all on my ex. Im certain that he has demonsied me to them to make himself look like the victim in the fight we had early on in our relationship. He used to run home to his mother acting like i was some evil person who for no reason at all had just tossed him out of the house and i was mentally ill. I saw texts on his phone saying basically that to her, when in reality i had tossed him out of the house because he had been caught out telling me some major lies and when i confronted him about them he smashed up my entire house and pushed me down the stairs while i was pregnant. But no mention of that to mum and dad i bet. Since that fight they have never spoken to me. We were all supposed to go on holidays together before the baby arrived and the week we were supposed to fly to melbourne the holiday was suddenly cancelled (well cancelled for him and me..they still went) and he told me his mother had cancelled our tickets because she thought i was too pregnant and that I prob wouldnt want to go. But i have a feeling it was him who cancelled the holiday out of fear that i would tell his parents what really happened as I'm a very truthful person and his bull stories would have come to light...which he would never cope with. he has taken our daughter over to their house maybe three times in two years.

     

    i made contact with his mother about a month ago .sent her a text asking what the problem was and why they are having nothing to do with their grandchild. i said im happy to sort out what ever issues they have as i dont want them missing out on her life. I did not even get a text back.

  11. I have recently split up from my partner...during the time we were together his family had nothing to do with me. Anyway that's a story for another day. We have one daughter she is two years old. They give gifts to my partner to give her at xmas and her last birthday, but never bother to come see her and never request to spend time with her (even though I have never stopped my ex from taking her over to their house, they live ten minutes away). He rarely takes her to see his parents, and blames me for them not seeing her?? Her second birthday was five weeks ago, nobody from his family called to wish her happy birthday and nobody bothered to even post her a card. Tonight when I saw him he gave me some gifts from the parents and his Aunt. I'm really annoyed at their token attempt at being part of her life, because they are not. And why bother five weeks late? I want to box all the up and post it back to his parents with a note explaining that unless they want to actually BE part of her life then I feel it is wrong to accept gifts from strangers.

     

    If they have some sort of problem with me then they should discuss it with me, not take it out on their only grand child by ignoring her. I find it extra confusing that they ignore her considering that its the only grand child they will ever get, he has one sister but she cant have children. I also wonder if that fact is a reason they stay away from my daughter? Maybe they feel making a big deal about our child is rubbing it in her face? But that in itself is confusing because they should love their son as much as their daughter and love the fact that he was able to have a family.

     

    So how much damage am I gonna do by sending the gifts back? I really want to because the gifts just remind me of their absence and piss me off. All advice is appreciated. Thanks!

  12. Not "harsh" at all. Just straight up observations without fanfare: I'm just not going to offer them enabling dialogue because its beyond that now. For all you know they are breaking up because he cheats (or she does) or one of them is in and out of jail or there is physical abuse going on or mental health issues that one or the other can't handle so it's reckless for you to tell them that they should try AGAIN when you don't even know why they are breaking up and no matter what the reason, people who are in a functional, healthy relationship don't keep breaking up.

     

    Two people that are meant to be together do NOT break up and get back together as a lifestyle. They both need to get help for their codependency and inability to resolve conflict as a mature and emotionally healthy team.. Going no contact now will help them rehab from their addiction to one another because by the action of the two of them it's not love but codependent addiction. They are not good together as their history has plainly pointed out so at this point no contact other then about divorce papers being signed is in both their best interests.

     

    Op: What ARE these issues that keep causing you to break up with one another as a lifestyle? Why don't you resolve as a team while together instead of separating?

     

    agreed...........

  13. You two are NOT good for one another if you keep breaking up and getting back together. If you WERE good for one another, you wouldn't be breaking up at all.

     

    Stop talking to her altogether now and stay gone so that you both can heal and stop this perpetual torturing of one another.

     

    wow, that is REALLY harsh! People break up and get back together all the time, and its easy to say "just walk away and stop talking to her" but she is his WIFE, not some girl he's been banging on and off for a few months. This is their life..real life, and real life is hard and messy sometimes. If she is worth the fight..then fight for her! You are married to her not the parents, screw what they say!

  14. Thats FULLY weird...not sure what to suggest to you?! people in relationships care about each other in those situations, its not negotiable. I would have felt so offended!! But what can you do? Not much. Just wait til the next time he is really sick and just say ' you'll be fine!' as you head out the door to have fun with your friends and dont worry about him and see how he likes it.

  15. Has she ever had her hormone levels checked by a doctor properly? I know some women have low sex drives...but women in their 30s are normally gagging for it..its biological. suddenly you cant get sex out of your brain...has this happened to her yet? I suppose it does not happen to every woman but most it does! maybe go talk to a doctor alone about the issue, then take her with you for an appt and get the doctor to suggest the hormone tests?

  16. If you are the breadwinner for the family..then bloody oath he should be doing the domestic chores! I was the breadwinner in my family for the past 3 years and my partner would do all the dishes and general cleaning, I would do laundry but only because im picky about how i wash my clothes and have never let anyone do my washing for me. He did all the yard work as well and would do errands for me and never make me feel bad if I did nothing. He went back to work for a few months last year and I stayed home and instantly took over all those duties from him. Made sure his dinner was ready ..clean clothes for work the next day etc. I would be really really angry at your husband, and you have every right to feel you are being taken advantage of..because i think you are! Go on strike!

  17. My sister is the same... acts like my partners are inferior because im not married. I used to play nice at all their functions until I got to a certain age where I thought stuff it, I'm going to start calling her out on all the awful things she does to me and all the awkward passive aggressive behaviours she used to throw at me in front of other people. It didnt go very well and I saw a lot less of them but my life was peaceful! She will not change, but she shows me a lot more respect these days. Your brother sounds like he has an ego problem to me lol. I would have taken photos all night and made sure to chop the top of her head off in every shot and taken them from unflattering angles heheheee

  18. it isn't just men, and it is likely both of you who are avoiding intimacy in opposite ways. have you read about insecure attachment - avoidant, in attachment theory and romantic relationships? If not, it may help.

     

    The answer is, you don't try to get through. It has nothing to do with you. Accept what is offered, and decide if you can be happy with that.

     

    Thanks for your reply...yes i have been reading a lot on attachment theory since before i had my daughter. I think we are both insecure avoidant types but he out does anyone i know! And the weirdest thing is its not just me he is unavailable to...he avoids everyone! Has no friends only sees my friends, nobody ever calls him..he never goes out unless i organise it, nobody from his past whatsoever. Yet he seems happy that way.

  19. I can't believe this, after what you posted two days back.

     

    I thought you were done with this cheating, lying abusive creep! Unbelievable!

     

    THIS IS WHO HE IS. HE WILL NOT CHANGE! Are you going to accept the other men in his life???

     

    Get some therapy and get tested for STDs. I feel so sorry for your daughter.

     

    I never said i was staying did i? Even if i need to end the relationship that does not change the fact that i love him and we have a child together...im simply asking for advice in why or how men become like this and if there is a way to help them. We dont come on here to be picked on so keep your comments to yourself if you have nothing constructive to say. .....:eek:

  20. Never understood what truly being emotionally unavailable meant until i met my partner. You dont realise it at first...but as time goes on you realise that they only let you in a tiny bit...enough to let you think they love you. But then you realise that you cant get anything deeper...they dont confide in you..they dont try to dig deeper into finding out who you are...its just superficial happiness and at the first sign of stress he bails out on me. Why do men get like this? Are they able to change or am i fighting a losing battle?

  21. Poor kids. I cannot understand how parents can be so self serving. Never putting the children first.

     

    There is nothing poor about my daughter. Shes the most loved and doted on baby ive ever seen. Its not wrong for me to want a sibling for her to grow up with..i wouldnt want to be an only child. I want them to have the same father..better to deal with one idiot instead of two different ones!! You dont need to live with two parents to grow up happy and loved.

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