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Crystal Pepsi

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Everything posted by Crystal Pepsi

  1. I don't disagree that we're not a compatible, and I realize I am hypercritical of her at times. Her track record of partners is pretty poor, so she appreciates my overall stability and emotional support and I'll continue to be her friend. We can support one another, but I definitely want a break from visiting for a bit. She sees a therapist and sometimes microdoses psilocybin (mushroom), which she gets from a stoner friend with his own struggles. I have little idea if the latter helps much. I wouldn't say she drinks "a lot," but she definitely leans on it to cope and has a past of binging. She gave up nicotine over a decade ago before we met and often condemns it, but recently she has taken drags off a friend's cigarette while praising smoking and I admit it pained me tremendously. Still does.
  2. I'm trying to understand how to move forward after a tough talk with my on-and-off girlfriend. A few weeks ago, after I made an abrasive comment that understandably triggered her, she began having a talk with me. She began drinking and soon got very emotional. I mainly apologized and tried to sooth and hug her as she cried about her family dysfunction and said I needed to be more supportive. She then said she wanted to cut herself (she has an old history of self harm). Eventually she calmed down as I held her, but as she continued drinking (maybe 1 1/2 glasses of wine, on an empty stomach), she became even more unglued than the first round, shouting claims that my mom influenced me to previously dump her (she now recognizes this is false). She also loudly ridiculed my lack of engagement with her son and his lack of male mentors. While I accepted this assessment, her son was upstairs within earshot, and the potential that he heard her unloading upset me and I fear could sow resentment rather than bridge us. We had a long phone conversation a few weeks later, and while we agreed to take a break from dating and ended our conversation positively, when I gently explained that moving forward, alcohol must be curbed during serious conversations, she deflected that my remark revealed a lack of empathy towards her health episode. Her family has a lot of drug abuse history, and it's upsetting that she refused to recognize the exacerbating effect of drinking on a responsible dialogue. I try to show empathy and understanding of her mental health, but I also vow never to engage an intense dialogue that involves alcohol. In recent months, she's demonstrated a lot of what I perceive as denialist contradictory behavior, vocalizing her contempt towards substances that she has a suppressed craving for. It's unsettling, and I've wanted to have a conversation about this issue but am afraid how it would go and what it would accomplish.
  3. Clearly I let this thread get away on me. In case you see this, I just want to say thank you for the advice. Since 2018, I've been in and out of dating my ex-girlfriend and really need to take your advice to branch out socially.
  4. I reentered online dating last fall and it's going nowhere. I first tried it five years ago, at age 25. Back then I averaged one date per month, so what gives? Does entering your 30s suddenly damage your appeal that much? I look the same, am trying to date women in my age group, and quite honestly am a much more mature person than I was at 25. I'm more confident with who I am, yet I can't muster a single date. Despite living in a university town and being an artist and musician, I have no real social life. I almost considered going back to college last fall but backed out. Now I'm tempted to enroll just for the social aspect. Any advice?
  5. Thank you, 1a1a, but respectfully, I think we're getting too deep into hypotheticals. I've never even communicated with her, so it's impossible to know what would happen. I might get completely ignored and that'll be the end of it. I just know that I want to approach her, both for the sake of both networking in the art community and perhaps romantically, but that's based largely in speculation. Also, some people get overwhelmed by the style of online dating and drop it simply because of that, so we can't know whether or not she's actually willing to date.
  6. A brief background: After leaving a four-year relationship last year, I'm now in my early 30s hoping to find someone. I live in a college town, but I have a very small social network and, therefore, mainly rely on online dating. I'm introverted but pretty comfortable in my skin, and I have a variety of artistic passions. So it's frustrating not being able to share that with anyone, friend or romantic partner, even though I live in a decent art community. I recently came across a dating profile of a local artist that matched me strikingly well. I stalled to message her and she quickly left the site. However, I soon rediscovered her art projects in other social media. I definitely want to contact her, but I'm not sure how. Maybe just networking with her as fellow artists would be best to start, rather than telling her flat-out that I wanted to message her on a dating site but wasn't timely enough. Then I could tell her I'm new to the community, inquire about local art events, and see where that leads. I strongly feel I should contact her one way or another, because not doing so would be a lost opportunity. So my request for advice is two-fold: How do I go about meeting people, perhaps in my local art community, and how do I go about contacting this particular woman without giving a weird vibe?
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