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GatorXP

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Everything posted by GatorXP

  1. Hey Pink I'm sorry you had to go thru this. Don't be to hard on yourself this is part of being human. it's important to learn from your mistakes, and be thankful for this opportunity to grow. take your lessons and move on in a much more positive fashion with renewed hope.
  2. Do this, good job, good dad...be cool...she'll show up....don't be the chaser
  3. Congrats brother Nice work [emoji110]
  4. Ok brother here it is. I know you have a list that leans way towards the bad, but your heart isn't catching up with the logic. The reality of the situation is she has a mental illness, that sort of flipping you describe is indicative of a slew of behavioral disorders. So while I know your Attached and she is meeting those inner needs in most instances, the reality of the situation is do you really want a mentally ill dependant? That is the first choice you are making if you made any step in her direction. Hope this helps a bit with getting your heart on board. We are here for u brother.
  5. This....but also counseling. If your wife can't have a rational conversation there are other underlying issues.
  6. I know easier said than done, but see those ideations for what they are. False stories created by a subconscious and body built to form attachments. Those attachments that enabled us to rise from a source of evolutionary protein for bigger faster and stronger predators now causes us great pain struggle and confusion in today's environment. You are so very far from alone in this. And trust me when I tell you these words are not just for u.
  7. I'm sorry your going thru this. It's a very tough thing to go through. The first thing you need to do is love yourself enough to get someone who doesn't value you, out of your life
  8. This kind of "flipping" can be indicative of mental illness. Check out her behavior vs some symptoms of personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder etc. It may give u some insight into what your dealing with.
  9. She is afraid to leave and wavering. But she already pulled the trigger. Now she is attempting to deal with a choice she made before she completely understood it. Stay strong with the NC brother, this too shall pass [emoji120]
  10. I'm sorry your going thru this. I know it's incredibly painful. The problem is the cost is too high and I know right now it's hard to embody that cost, but the reality is, it will only extend/add to your pain and delay healing. Look toward the future, and not the one you had previously envision, it was based on false assumptions. Your new future is full of Hope and possibilities.
  11. It will, unfortunately most times people have already made their decision they just don't understand the choices that they have made. Luckily for you minimal contact is the only path at this point for both reconciliation and moving forward by yourself.
  12. You gotta shut it down except for functional contact.
  13. Thank her for letter and tell her you really appreciate it and leave it at that. She will contact you after some indeterminate amount of time. Don't be needy and don't f-this up. Also...this only gets her back to the table... doesn't fix anything, and from the sound of it....there are issues.
  14. Nice Work OP [emoji106][emoji123] Endings are sad but new beginnings are exciting and full of possibility, you will do great
  15. They say, 1-2 months for every year together. In my experience, not a bad estimate.
  16. On the resentment. You need to clear that. If a Tiger eats your dog, should you resent the tiger. No it's an F-ing [emoji234] it's doing what it does and it is absolutely perfect. She is no different. You are not entitled to anything, you create your own reality.
  17. Clearly it doesn't look good for working out, she appears uninterested in moving forward. Your doing the right thing and have a date. Might as well try to recover the cash, I doubt you'll be successful but no point in not trying to set up payments
  18. Your good, your busy, you have your own stuff cooking. No double texting, if she doesn't respond you wait until she does. Open ended, general questions....she needs to help carry the convo, you'll get a feel of where she is.
  19. That's the point. It doesn't matter what u believe. Both are probably both true, she obviously has at least some form of cognitive dissonance. Which is why u breaking up with her was a good idea. But then you didn't follow thru with the take away and made it worse. This is not a critism or indictment, I am 100% with you here, this is hard, painful, counter intuitive stuff to learn and I'm talking to you like I would my best friend. Is it it manipulation to pull that move like discussed in your other thread...100% Alot of horses can't even see the water, and are even afraid of it when they find it...so pointing it out to them isn't necessarily a bad thing, but at the same time we are never going to even attempt to drag one kicking and screaming up the mountain with us. Which is why attempting to force a decision at the point u did was perfect. The execution poor. My guess is this will not work out, but you should be excited, fantastic learning experience.
  20. So the reason I said NC "within the context of getting her back" is that is completely different than NC for personal healing and mental health. Within the context of healing, you hold that NC no matter what even if they contact u, because you need to heal and move forward. Within the context of getting them back, it is a tool to get them back to the table. It doesn't fix any relationship issues other than them seeing u as needy and pushing them away. So do not contact her again unless you are ending it or enough time has past that it's clear she doesn't care....then you can poke her to she where she is...maybe try to generate some recurrence of good feelings and memories that she can work with....
  21. If it had been 3 weeks with NC then I would say yes time to contact. But there has been contact. If you just want to get it over....then by all means call her up...tell her your done and she needs to collect her crap by such a date and you would like a payment plan in place. Otherwise the point of NC within the context of keeping someone on the hook is to let doubt and loss work on what ever strings they have left until their mind tells a big enough story and accentuates their feelings, she contacts you and you have a starting point. The guy in the video is right in that after enough time has past that it's clear she has written you off then it's time to create some feelings...but everyone always pulls the trigger too quickly.
  22. So tuff spot for sure. I can assure you that NC is the only path forward for both healing and any chance at her coming back. That's the good news, the path is clear. That hard part is execution, untying the knots that have been created and learning from the experience. Rebounds and moves straight from one serious relationship to next is said to rarely work, not because it's not possible but because one or both parties usually is/are not aware enough to handle the grieving process that will inevitably occur as a result of loss created from the original situation. Also that person jumping relationships is alot of times grasping to fill an unfillable emotional hole created by some sort of past pain. Good luck brother
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