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  1. I haven't because I was worried about anyone finding out I was seeing a counselor in fear of being judged by my family/friends.
  2. Hi, I've been struggling a lot lately, but also feel uncomfortable reaching out to people around me so I thought I would ask enotalone. This year I feel like my self-esteem has really taken a downturn. I have felt like the group of people I have built up around me isn't particularly supportive or loving, while at the same time I have a hard time loving myself. Because I'm insecure I also get jealous in my relationship with my boyfriend often, which he is very patient with but I wish it weren't the case. I know it's because I'm unsure of myself. I also feel anxiety constantly even if I have no reason to feel anxious. To outsiders, it looks like I have it all together. I'm in my early twenties, I have a nice job, many hobbies, I do well in school, I don't have trouble dating, and have many friends, but on the inside it's not the same. When I research online about ways to deal with self-esteem and anxiety, it tells me to focus on myself and my hobbies and to say self-love affirmations daily. I'm in a successful band and play music often, so I do work on my hobbies. I also force myself to hang out with friends when I don't want to just so that I get out of my room. I have lost a best friend this year because she thought I spent more time with my boyfriend than her, and now I'm constantly worried that I'll lose others. My sister tells me that I'm too sensitive constantly, but on the other hand I feel that she's so critical and judgmental towards me that I wouldn't be sensitive if she didn't give me reasons to be. The other day I tried to have a conversation with my mom about how I don't feel loved or supported in our relationship, and she told me I "have issues" and I'm "troubled." If I have so much going for me, why do I feel so anxious and dislike myself and struggle in my closest relationships? I seek validation from others and when I don't receive that validation it's like I don't see any worth in myself. Has anyone found successful ways to deal with low self-esteem and anxiety? I would prefer natural ways, but anything that has worked for someone else I would really appreciate. Thanks in advance!
  3. Probably 4 days a week on average! Usually the weekends and one night during the week days.
  4. yes! We've been in the same area for 6 months now.
  5. I'm going to preface this by saying that I am very self-aware that I have self esteem and insecurity issues, which do make relationships a little challenging for me. I've been cheated on in the past and have really struggled in my new relationships since. Currently, I've been in a relationship with a guy for about a year, and I love him very much, and I've never been happier in a relationship. However, I still don't feel secure or like I can totally trust him and I don't know if it's my own issues causing this or if I have serious concerns that are valid. We did long distance for the first 7 months of our relationship, which was a huge risk, but we're still together and made it past. But, now I'm realizing issues that we never worked through then. For example, he kept in touch with multiple exes that entire time and (still does) and he never told me about it. Now he's gotten to the point where he'll say oh yeah "Brittany" or whoever texted me last week. But basically this has been going on for a year and I was unaware. He also used to hook up with this girl that is in his same college program as him and she used to send him nudes. I saw they were texting each other two months ago and asked him about it and told him how uncomfortable it made me, and he said she would text him about school and I dropped it. But, I was looking at old facebook photos of him today and I saw that same girl was commenting on his photos that he looked cute and this photo was posted while we were 6 months into our relationship, so I don't know what their contact involved. We got in a huge fight about this girl and he told me he was honest and nothing went down with them, but I still have these internal gut suspicions I can't shake. I also have a hard time getting information out of him a lot of the time. It could just be basic stuff like what he did the day before. He's just not much of a sharer, but a lack of information comes off as a lack of transparency and honestly in a relationship to me. For example about a week ago he was just sort of dancing around what he did the night before, and after a lot of probing I found out he took his friend from class (a girl) to see a movie. I know this girl and I trust her, but I found it odd he wouldn't just tell me. Are these all red flags or am I being too sensitive due to my past relationships? Shorter version: BF keeps in contact with exes and isn't honest about day to day whereabouts. Red flags? Does anyone know the best way to get past your internal trust issues? Any way to deal with your trust issues yourself without getting your partner involved in the mess? Thanks in advance!
  6. I was friends with my boyfriend before we started dating last spring. About a month before we started dating, he joked on his birthday that all he wanted was a nude from this girl in his college program named Morgan. He commented on how much he had wanted to hook up with this girl, but that she always invited him over to her place, would get close to hooking up with him, and then wouldn't. I had a crush on him at the time and didn't tell him, but I wanted to know who this girl was, so I looked her up on social media. She's this stunning blonde girl with the body of a playboy model, and I noticed that the two of them would comment on each other's photos and he would like her photos, etc. I dropped the idea of starting anything with him because I thought he was involved with this girl. Later, we went to a sorority dance together as friends and really hit it off. We started dating, and he moved back home for the summer. I would always take note of when he would like her photos and they would comment on each other's posts in my head, but didn't feel like I had the place to say anything to him about it because we weren't official. He comes back to my hometown for my birthday over the summer, we decide it's official, and then he studies abroad in rome for a semester, but he's been back for about 5 months. Flash forward to now and I've never been happier in a relationship and have never felt safer. However, yesterday I see on his phone that he had been texting this Morgan girl the day before. I finally ask him about her, and told him everything I remembered him saying about her, and he told me there was nothing going on. He said she had sent him nudes at one point, but they never did anything with each other. I got upset that he still talked to her and he said that he barely talked to her and never sees her and that she knows he had a girlfriend. I asked how she knew that and he said she would text him while he was in Rome, asking about his break plans, and he told her I was coming to visit him. Then he said that she sends him texts sometimes asking about advice on projects for school, and he showed me. She would send him texts with smiley faces and send photos of her projects, and he would reply in paragraphs, but I didn't have the time to read what he said. Should I be so upset that he still talks to her? He has seen her naked, I know they wanted to have sex with each other at one point, but he claims that he only helps her with school. I don't think he would ever cheat on me, but I still feel like he hid this girl from me. What should I do?
  7. He told me once his last serious girlfriend had a problem with him having friends that were girls, specifically Megan. He referred to her as controlling, but I’m beginning to see why she felt that way. Thanks for the response!
  8. I agree with your point. And yes, he’ll be back for good in about a month.
  9. So, I’ll start off with I’m not particularly the jealous type and I have a lot of close guy friends. I know it’s not realistic to ever tell my boyfriend not to hang out with a friend just because she was a girl, but this situation bothers me. My sorority friend introduced me to her best friend last semester. I’ll call my friend Megan and her best friend Thomas. I was seeing someone at the time I first met them, and didn’t read too much into their relationship. Megan would say comments to me like “I’m so scared Thomas is just going to sit me down one day and profess his love for me and I’m not going to know what to say” and “All Thomas wants for his birthday is probably just to hook up with me” and “I’ll just get Thomas to pick us up from the bar, he’s obsessed with me, he does anything I ask.” At first I thought Megan may be a girl who thinks guy friends must be into her, but then I realized Megan and Thomas’s other best friend is a guy and she never said anything about this other friend. Fast forward a few months and I had broken up with my boyfriend and needed a date to a party. Megan said Thomas could go, so I asked Thomas, and we hit it off. We’ve been dating 8 months since then and I love him and he loves me. We’ve had to do long distance for most of it, but we haven’t had that many issues. Over the summer Megan would fly to visit Thomas and they went on a few road trips together and I just wrote it off as they’re best friends and I couldn’t afford to go on these trips anyway. Megan and Thomas studied abroad this semester and have been in Italy together for 4 months so far. I went and visited them in October and noticed some red flags from Thomas. He talks about Megan all the time, would invite her to hang out with us all the time when that was our time together and they had class all day together anyways and he would sort of light up around her in that he laughed more and talked more and seemed to be enjoying his time more when he was with her. I tried to tell myself that I talk about my best friend a lot too and maybe he wants her to hang out with us because he knows I’m also friends with her. I came home and never mentioned anything about it. I also know that I trust both Thomas and Megan and know that Thomas would never cheat on me. Last week I decided to finally talk to him about their relationship. I had a friend make a comment to me about how much Megan used to talk about how much Thomas was into her and I got really insecure about it all over again. I decided to talk to Thomas about it, so I called him and told him some of the things she used to say and he assured me that she was delusional, he has never had feelings for her, and she’s his best friend but I’m the one he is interested in. Even with all of this for some reason I feel like he’s secretly in love with her and I may be his second choice since she wasn’t interested in him. On the other hand I feel like these are my insecurities talking because Megan is beautiful, very smart, hilarious, and they have a lot in common and are in all of the same classes. I know Megan is fun because I was friends with her way before I met Thomas. My fear is that she is closer to him than I’ll ever be and secretly he may prefer her company. Am I being insecure and crazy or should I have a reason to be worried?
  10. So, a friend in my sorority introduced me to her best friend last semester, who I’ll call Thomas. I was seeing someone at the time and didn’t think much of their relationship, but continued to hang out with them every weekend and we got to be good friends. My friend, I’ll call her Megan, would always say comments to me about how she thought Thomas was in love with her. She would say things like “I’m really scared Thomas is going to sit me down and just profess his love for me one day and I’m just not going to know what to say” and “I’ll get Thomas to pick us up from the bar, he’s obsessed with me, he would do anything I asked him to” and even “All Thomas wants for his birthday is to hook up with me.” At first I thought maybe Megan was the type to think all guy friends are into her, but then I realized most of her friends are guys and she only ever says this about Thomas. A few months pass by and I had broken up with my boyfriend and I needed a date to a party, so i asked Thomas to go. We hit it off and we’ve been dating 8 months now. But, he moved home for the summer and then both Megan and Thomas studied abroad together this semester, so i really haven’t gotten to see him much at all. Over the summer Megan went and visited Thomas and they went on a few trips together and I wrote it off as they’re just best friends and I couldn’t afford to fly and visit him anyways. In October I flew to Italy (where both Megan and Thomas were studying abroad together) to finally visit him. I noticed some red flags in that he would always invite her to do stuff with us when that was our time together and he talked about her all the time and when he was with her he would laugh more, talk more, and just seemed like he was having more fun. I trust both of them in that I know neither one of them would ever do anything to harm my relationship with Thomas and Thomas would never cheat on me. He’s a very very nice guy and I like to think he’s just a sensitive type that enjoys girls’ company, but it bothers me how close they are and that she felt that he was into her. The other part of me thinks that he would have nothing to gain by dating me long distance if he was into her, but also that he could be getting what he wants because he still gets to spend all day everyday with her when I’m stuck in the United States. I called him last week to tell him my feelings about her thinking he was so into her and how uncomfortable and insecure it made me, and he said she was delusional and he has never had feelings for her, that she is his best friend, and that I am the only one he is interested in, but he wasn’t going to say anything to her. I was reassured in the moment but the more I think about their relationship, the more I am bothered by it. I have this feeling like he is secretly in love with her and knew he couldn’t have her so I was his second choice. I don’t know if these are my insecurities talking or if I have a real problem. Any advice?
  11. In April I began dating one of my guy friends and things seemed like they were going well. He moved back home to California for the summer (we kept in touch everyday) and then came back to visit for a week in July. On that visit he told me he loved me and wanted to make things official. The trouble was that he was going to be studying abroad for the next 4 months and I knew it was going to be hard to keep the spark going because we don’t have a solid foundation before beginning an LDR. Despite this I knew I was crazy about him and loved him too and agreed to make things official. Now, 3 months in, I find he isn’t as interested. I don’t hear from him as much and the compliments have faded. I had a conversation with him about it a few weeks ago and he agreed the relationship felt off but he was in the wrong and he was going to call me more and put more of an effort into the relationship. That lasted about a week and now it’s back to the boring and stagnant relationship where I feel like he ignores me and doesn’t care. We use Snapchat to keep in touch and he FaceTimes me once a week. A Snapchat takes two seconds to respond to so I know I’m not trying to take up all of his time calling him everyday. I don’t know if I should break up with him due to this feeling of him not caring about the relationship at all, or ask for a break, or to be miserable for the next month and a half until he’s finally back home?? Any advice?
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