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azureskye

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  1. I only got through school because my father is well known there and I pretty much got a free pass with all of my classes regardless of how badly I've done. Any other student would have flunked out of school if they did as poorly as I did. I don't know how to look for a start up. Do you have any suggestions for that? I just moved to Oregon mostly to get away from my controlling family. I really love it here but I can't seem to make a good life for myself and I'm tired of being miserable. I've thought about starting my own business but I have nothing to offer. I'm not smart, I have no talent, and I really haven't found a passion yet.
  2. Declaring bankruptcy won't get rid of my student loan debt. I would love to run away from here but I don't know any other languages and I don't know how to start a new life in a strange country. In fact, I just moved to a new state and I'm barely making it. I really love living in Oregon but with my problems always in the back of my mind, the depression is always going to be there. I really don't see any other way out.
  3. I REALLY don't want to become a lawyer. I find it boring, I don't understand any of it, and I really don't do well under pressure. It was through my father's connections that I got a free pass through school even though my professors told me many times that law was not for me. ( I agreed with them so I did not get upset.) I did work with a temp agency but they just got me 1 job for 2 weeks and I haven't heard from them since. I really don't think there's any hope for me at this point.
  4. Thank you so much for the information! Anything Law related is out of the question. I was very close to failing school multiple times but my father is well known at the school so I got a free pass. The problem is whenever a lot of these smaller businesses see my degree they automatically think I'll demand more money or won't stay around long enough. I might look into jobs for Park Rangers.
  5. I've posted not too long ago about the fact that I've been struggling with depression and I resort to cutting in order to control it: [thread]542313[/thread] Some back story... I received a Master's Degree in Law and I completely despise it. It was a career field chosen for me by my parents that no amount of arguing could get me out of. I didn't do well in my classes and now I can't even get a job vacuuming the floors of the most low rated unknown law firms. Teaching is also out of the question as even with a Master's I have no clue about Law. I was recently fired from my retail job and now I'm stuck working fast food with a huge 6 figure student loan debt while barely earning enough to pay rent. I've asked my parents for help but they've pretty much given up on me and left me to fend for myself. I'm on the income based repayment plan but this loan is still ruining my life. My electricity was recently shut off, I can't keep friendships because of my depression, every man I meet gets chased away when he learns of my massive debt, and my dreams of having a house and a family are fading into obscurity. I'm 33 years old and I'm living the life of a high school teenager and everyday I wake up hoping someone would put me out of my misery. I've decided that I'll give myself just 6 more months to figure something out before I end it all. I have everything planned out and ready for when the day comes. However, I want to make sure I've tried everything before that day so I'll be satisfied that there is absolutely no hope for me and I'll finally be free from all of these burdens. So that's why I'm here. Is there anyone out there that experienced a similar situation? What did you do to get out of it? Is there any hope left over the next 6 months or should I just spend these last few months enjoying what's left of my life and get these letters written so I'll be all set in 6 months?
  6. Wow! I've been through almost the EXACT same thing. My now ex bf who was also my neighbor ghosted me out of the blue and then 3 days later he had another girl over. For many nights after that I would hear the 2 of them having sex, I would accidentally run into the 2 of them entering his apartment, and sometime catch the 2 of them leave his apartment hand in hand for a night out. Needless to say, I was devastated. But let me tell you something; Karma is real. She ended up dumping him for another guy and then he tried to come crawling back to me as if nothing happened. As badly as I wanted to say "yes" I took a breath, looked him straight in the eye, and said a stern "no" before turning away and walking from him. This was about 4 years ago and I am sooooo glad I did what I did. Since then he as aged quite a bit and couldn't get another woman unless he paid her. You know what else? He STILL tries to contact me even though we are no longer neighbors. He still makes efforts to "bump" into me and try to make small talk. I just ignore his texts and make any excuse to leave when he tries to talk to me. Time heals all and you will find someone else who will make you glad to be away from that playboy. Instead of feeling upset, you should feel sorry for those women because he's treating them like objects which says a lot about his character. Trust me, he will soon have to turn in his player's card and women will start finding him unattractive. Before you know it, he'll come crawling back to you. You will feel so much better when you give him the stern "no" that I gave my ex. All the best!
  7. I'm not sure if I could let myself get beat up but working out is indeed a good way to deal with massive amounts of stress.
  8. Cutting does only work for a little while but (for me, anyway) it's better than anything the doctor gave me. I've been seeing psychiatrists for years and none of them were able to help me. I'd like to try Chinese remedies but my job pays so little that I can't afford any sessions.
  9. It's late at night and I've just finished crying for 8 hours straight. While reflecting on all of my most recent triggers: I still can't find a good job after 10 years of searching, my almost perfect relationship just ended, my friends are tired of dealing with my depression and told me not to call anymore, my family lives over 1000 miles away, and I'm completely alone. I've been suffering from Major Depressive Disorder for as long as I can remember. Almost everyday I feel like I don't deserve to live. I have spoken to my counselor - that didn't help I'm on antidepressant medication- that didn't help I've called the emergency crisis line- that didn't help I've tried snapping my wrists with rubber bands- that didn't help I've been institutionalized many times- that didn't help I've tried praying, meditating, going for a walk, listening to music, watching a movie, reading, playing games...none of which help. All I have left is my favorite knife with the really sharp blade. After 8 hours of fighting the urge, I cannot fight anymore. About 10 minutes later I'm left with 6 bloody slices on my arm. They hurt. They burn. No doubt they will leave horrible scars just like last time. But for some reason, I feel so much better now. I'm confident enough to ignore the pain on my arm and the bleeding doesn't bother me. I know it isn't right but what else do I have? I don't know why cutting is the only thing that helps me deal with my depression but as long as it works, I'm going to keep doing it. Is there anyone else out there in my situation? Have any of you found some miracle that helped you to stop?
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