freddie08

In the last 6 months my girlfriend lost her mother. As some of you can imagine such a bereavement has proved a profound loss in her life. We have been together for 4 years and to be perfectly honest this was the year that we took the relationship to another level, well in my eyes anyway as I saw my life with this woman. However a few weeks ago she raised a question mark over the relationship! She explained that she didn't know what she actually wanted anymore. I was sick. There is so much that I could write and I realise that anyone reading this will not be able to make an informed opinion based on the significant gaps of your knowledge in respect of this situation. The crux of it is, I guess, can anyone relate to significant behavioural changes in a relationship post the death of a parent? She is clearly unsure about our relationship now that since the death of her loved one she is feeling futility, helplessness and being lost. My concern is that she has asked for space which I have conceded although I suspect she is grasping onto day to day solace... which is what she may need... but I can't help feeling that the distance is detrimental to our relationship. I am reluctant to burden her with the overwhelming sense of day to day confusion and pain at the thought of losing her and I am kindof clinging onto the hope she will get fed up at not feeling responsible and that through gentle contact I show her the path out of that sad feeling and we both reconcile to a future together. I love her so much and feel helpless that I can't be there for her although i HAVE MADE IT CLEAR THAT SHE CALL ME 24/7. Is there any hope, or should I begin the process of realising that I have lost her. I really appreciate that if anyone who has undergone a similar pattern can at least share the experience. Thank you

Debbie, The reality is we often view our relationships through our eyes and through the eyes of our peers. I agree that his actions indicate jealousy, but in truth not many people would feel 100% comfortable that after a brief period of seperation an ex-partner engages in a date, which may or not amount to anything. The fact he knows the guy simply contaminates the problem. The reality is you need to tell him how you really feel and that you understand his point of view, but at the end of the day the key to any long lasting relationship is trust. He has to learn to remember that what happened in the past is gone and he must focus his energy on today and tomorrow.You clearly want to do that and you must ask him if he wishes to also. If that proves too difficult then he has kind of answered the question with regards to a long term reconciliation. Good luck I hope he has the maturity to see what is meaningful here.