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undertheivy

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Everything posted by undertheivy

  1. Thank you! It definitely has. Yes she currently sees 3 different therapists. 2 of them I know she sees pretty regularly. She’s also in a support group for children of alcoholic parents, and another support group every Sunday for people who have left a church. So she’s getting a lot of support but it doesn’t seem to be helping her much. Just to point something out, she told me recently she had a conversation with one of her therapists about a dilemma - long story short she’s hung up on a guy she dated many years ago. He’s married, and they don’t speak To each other or anything. But she told
  2. Melancholy, Billie, batya, dancingfool, thank y’all for your advice as well. I appreciate it. I did look up energy vampire and it fits her to a T. I went down a rabbit hole while researching and somehow wound up on some other things like personality disorders and narcissism. The more I looked into them the more those seemed to fit her well too.
  3. Definitely worth a shot. Thank you for the input.
  4. My husband and I do have stable jobs. He now owns his own shop and I am a successful and well known artist. My work has been published in 3 magazines the past year (twice in the last 6 months). I sell my work online, so both of our shops are doing great :) Great enough that we just purchased our first home together. My step son is 17 and in high school so he still lives with us. And BIL still lives with us but things have gotten so much better. We had a talk with him about doing his fair share, and his rent went up a little bit after we purchased the home. The main problem I had with BIL was l
  5. Danggg. That literally has nothing to do with this post but okay :)
  6. Yes, she does. She always has. She’s always been a great friend to me. Obviously when she’s having her meltdown moments the attention is all on her, but she has always been here for me, and she has always been a true friend. When my dad died she flew across the country that day to be here for me. She’s that kind of friend. It’s just been way more overwhelming than usual lately with her. That’s why I came here. My husband and I just bought a house and she was thrilled. I just got a new art studio and she was thrilled. She wants to send me a care package of goodies for the new house. She’s alway
  7. You’ve all given really great advice and helped open my eyes a little bit to some things I hadn’t really noticed. Thank you for that. Cherylyn, you made a lot of great points. All of you did.
  8. Not the same friend, completely different one.
  9. Hey everyone! So I need some advice on how to talk to my best friend about something without hurting her feelings or potentially causing her to have a nervous breakdown. She’s already hanging by a thread as it is. This is my best friend of 20 years. We’ll call her Amber. She lives in another state, she moved there for college right out of high school. But we’ve never gone more than a couple of weeks without speaking to each other. I’ll just get right to it - she is very emotional. She always has been, but it’s definitely gotten worse over the last few years. She’s been through a lot -
  10. I totally agree and think this is what I’ll do. And that’s what I’ve been struggling with - not wanting to scare him off but get it across to him that we need him to do his fair share. Thank you for your kind reply and advice!
  11. Thank you, that’s actually a good idea
  12. I wouldn’t charge him more just because he makes more money. He’s lived with us 7 years and we’ve always charged him a perfectly split and fair price. He pays exactly 1/3 of the bills. What I meant was because he does make plenty of money that it wouldn’t be hurting him financially to pay a $50 cleaning fee each month. A mortgage on the home will actually end up being cheaper than the monthly rent we are paying now, so affording it won’t be a problem. The nasty messes and laziness aside, he’s a great roommate. He’s gone a lot, when he is here he keeps to himself, he pays on time every mont
  13. Yes, we have a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom home. We’ve lived here for over 2 years. Before we had a 3/2 and I really miss having my own bathroom. I’m the only female in the home so yes, to say the least it is extremely stressful sharing a bathroom with 3 men..
  14. To Cherylyn, I really like this and I think it’s what we’ll end up doing! Thank you, because I was worried it would come off rude. But to be honest the way he’s treating me and the house is even more rude, considering we’ve asked him so many times over 7 years to just put in a little effort.
  15. Thank you everyone for all the replies. To make it easier I’ll try and answer everyone’s questions here. Moving into something smaller and cheaper just isn’t an option right now. We are getting a great deal for what we have and where we live, it would be impossible to find something cheaper. Right now we rent but in one week we will actually be buying the home - the landlord is ready to sell and my mom lives next door (my dad passed away just a few months ago unexpectedly, so I really love being next door and being close to her). But, I was thinking since we will be purchasing the home, maybe
  16. Thank you for your reply. I talk to my husband all the time about it, I think he’s getting tired of hearing it. Sometimes he’ll say something to my BIL but my BIL is so quick to say “okay” and then runs off, avoiding conversation. And then the rest of the time my husband feels frustrated and awkward too because this is all stuff we’ve talked to my BIL about already. My husband and I feel like a broken record. If we change the way we have the conversation (really make him sit down and talk/listen) we don’t want him to think we’re attacking him or come off rude. We don’t want to run him off. I t
  17. Hi everyone, I wasn’t really sure which category to put this post under, but considering everyone I live with is family, I figured it would go here. I currently live with my husband, step son, and my brother in law. My brother in law (age 35) has lived with us for 7 years, and as of about a year ago my step son (age 16) lives with us full time. For years I have struggled with anxiety and OCD. I think it’s because of this that a lot of things just get to to me easier, but I’m almost at a breaking point.. I can’t stand that I am the only person who cleans. My husband does a lot too, but
  18. I love this advice. It’s all very true and what I needed to hear. Thank you so much!
  19. Thanks so much for your advice. It truly helps. So far each person has said not to reach out. I still haven’t heard a single word from her, and I was the last person to say something and was waiting for a response - but nothing. That’s okay though. I think everyone is right and I should leave it be for now. It’s just hard :/ I have good and bad days. I’ll definitely look into some of the ideas you suggested so I can get myself out of the house. Thank you again
  20. I’m so sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry about your selfish friend. I totally understand that these situations are uncomfortable for most people. Unfortunately if someone hasn’t experienced the death of a loved one then they will never know until it happens to them. In my case my best friend has never experienced that, so she just doesn’t know. I know I can’t blame her for her lack of experience. But the lack of just common decency is what upsets me. I’m sure you understand based on your experience you had too. It’s just disappointing. Thank you again for your response
  21. I just looked some up and found a couple of them. Thank you for that. I understand it can be hard because I’ve been the friend before in her situation where I really didn’t know what to do or say. And it was scary. I just wish she would have still showed up for me, physically. Not just a couple of texts. But I do understand and you’re right. Thank you for the reminder to not be too hard on myself or anyone else.
  22. Thank you again, so much. I sent a reply to you already on your initial comment but I didn’t do it the proper way. But really thank you again
  23. Exactly. I know now that I need to set boundaries and if she comes back around I will definitely make sure she knows that how she treated me isn’t okay. Thank you again
  24. Thank you so much for the kind words. I always thought she’d be here for me through good and bad times. But as I reflect on the past few years of our friendship I am now realizing the toxicity in the friendship that has been building up and getting worse over time. This is the last straw for me... lowest of the low. I’m in a vulnerable state right now so it’s hard to act tough about it. But I know with time I’ll get stronger. Thank you again
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