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Frenchie12

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  1. Neo, just a comment from the (relatively passive) peanut gallery...I have so enjoyed your posts. You offer up some great insights, and your experience is sadly relatable for me. Thanks for contributing. It helps.
  2. If you really aren't comfortable with total NC, my advice is that you at least let him initiate every time. If he doesn't, let it be. If he does, be as "neutral" in your comments or answers to his questions as you can be. Don't ask a bunch of questions about his life. And don't volunteer that you miss him. He most likely already knows you do, and it's very likely you will be disappointed in his answer and it will ultimately prove to be a big emotional setback for you. I speak from experience...
  3. It's not crazy at all to feel that way. I'll tell you what I tell myself in similar situations: Try your best to listen to that rational (if faint) voice in your head that is telling you "NO, DON'T DO IT." And we both know why. It will ultimately only make us feel much, much worse and set us back in the interminable healing process.
  4. Not to her, I hope. Keep it on here. I don't even have to tell you why, you already know it just takes you backwards into more pain.
  5. Is this what the messy aftermath of codependency feels like?
  6. You're actually not a "fine person", and I don't think I really can forgive you, or love you always - despite what I said when I finally asked you to leave and you so readily went. You played me so hard. Shame on me for, first, overlooking the obvious signs because it was truly inconceivable to me that you were capable of such treachery and, later, allowing you to continue to play me for months while you nailed down your next "sure thing." Your shiny new toy, the old, corrupt predatory priest, who even today I noticed you are cheating on by shopping yourself around on the hookup apps for random sex with other guys. In a way, it's perfect for you. You are a closet case, he is a closet case. You are both ashamed to show people who you really are, and terrified of the truth being revealed to your colleagues, families and friends. He operates in another city, at a safe distance for both of you. He can continue his predatory behavior with altar boys and street kids needing his "guidance". You are free when here to roam unfettered the electronic back alleys of the internet, all to satisfy your apparently insatiable need for external validation in the form of random sexual gratification and baubles from other emotionally stunted men. You will no doubt break his heart just like you broke mine, and continue the cycle until you yourself are old. It's just the kind of person you are. Typing this out is hard, because as I do it makes me realize how truly bizarre and toxic this whole relationship really was. Please be gone from my waking thoughts, I deserve so much better. And thanks, ENA, for giving me a place to put this other than in my outbox!
  7. You're right, I think ratting this hypocrite out will be helpful for my healing process...
  8. Thanks Dan. We are both gay. And I think you're right, it's time to move on and get over this.
  9. Yet despite all the rational reasons not to, I broke the NC today by doing a little FB stalking. And, of course, saw a picture on someone else's page (not his, we are unfriended on FB) that brought me right back to square one emotionally. So dumb. Be careful what you go looking for, because you're probably not going to like what you find.
  10. As I spend sleepless hours and hours wallowing in and taking some measure of solace and wisdom from reading all the posts on these breakup threads, I get the occasional epiphany. Tonight's epiphany, possible the most salient one I have had yet, is that I have yet to read a single post here from someone for whom breaking their no contact rule EVER resulted in anything close to the positive outcome they were seeking. That being an end, or even a sustained reduction, to their suffering. I'm sure these stories exist, but to me it's striking that literally 100 percent of the ones I have read thus far describe various versions of the same outcome - more sorrow, an emotional setback, all the bad stuff. This will absolutely fuel my resolve to be strong and not debase myself with any outreach in the days to come!
  11. I miss the continuous little electronic pings we would make back and forth with each other during every single day, even when one of us was on the other side of the world. I miss going to sleep at night spooning you until we both got sweaty from each other's body heat and rolled over. I miss your PDAs, even though they made me a little uncomfortable sometimes. I miss the hiking, the biking, the skiing, and all the other outdoor things we did together at home and on every trip together. I miss you pushing me physically further than I would have gone on my own. I miss your amazing dancing skills, and that even though I was a complete clod on the dance floor you would always encourage me to join you and welcome me there, with no judgement. I miss your dedication to excellence in the work you did, and your ability to get things that I would have dithered over done decisively and efficiently. The next one of these I send will be the things I don't miss so much, and I hope I can begin to focus a little more on those and a little less on these as I process what has happened and gradually chip away at the imaginary pedestal I have erected for you.
  12. We were together for four years, he's 23. After sensing for several weeks earlier this summer that he was emotionally distancing himself from me in subtle but unmistakable ways, I looked at his phone and there it all was. Turns out the priest is 55 (a 32 year age difference), and not only that but a practicing Catholic priest from another city. They met about five months ago on an internet hookup site, and have since seen each other at least 6 times. A couple of weeks ago I confronted the bf and he finally told the truth. Lots of discussion, from which it became apparent that he was infatuated with the priest and had no intention of ending it. He moved out with no resistance. During all the discussion I heard statements like "I love you, and I want to be with you long term, but I feel like I need to play this out." Yeah, I know what that's worth, all of you breakup veterans don't need to remind me. This weekend, my ex left to go to the other city and be with the priest for the long weekend. I'm a wreck, going through all the same crazy emotional stuff I've read about from other dumpees on this forum. On NC now for 8 days, staying faithful to it, but constantly obsessing, and obsessing the most about the fact that it's a PRIEST, and he's so much older. I am just stuck on that, running revenge fantasies through and through my feverish imagination. Nothing violent or scary, but outing him has occurred to me more than once even though I know it's probably not going to do me any good. My rational brain knows I have to be done with the ex and move on, but my rat brain has taken charge and can think only of how to get the ex back to remove this constant spiral of emotional pain, and also of course on various dumb methods of outing the priest. I know this is not healthy, and none of it will do anything to bring the ex back, but I feel completely stalled in these thoughts and emotions - and it's awful. Help!
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