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  1. Hi, il try to keep this as to the point as possible. Im in a relationship with a woman who to me is perfect. WeÂ’ve been together for a year now and we are extremely close. We both tell each other how much we love eachother and how we make eachother feel a lot. However, she has a few things in her life which are stressful and can sometimes cause down moments. These things donÂ’t bother me as i support her 100%. The biggest thing being is that she has cervical cancer, its fully under control isnt a major threat or worry at the moment. Because of my experience with relationships and being hurt i find myself either reading into things or worrying about ever possibly her breaking up with me. Last month we began talking about getting married which made me feel unbelievably happy. She was showing her pinterest wedding board which she had been adding things to for quite some time. A few days ago i noticed that her baby sons father was messaging a lot. I dont really see him as a threat but i asked very casually do you think he still wants to be back with you? This ended up her feeling really deflated as she took it that i had doubts, and after spending time talking about our future and marriage she feels weÂ’ve taken a step back in the relationship. Iv said my part and explained that i dont have any doubts, and that i didnt mean for that to happen. She has explained that because of her being hurt before, it makes her feel vulnerable and raises her guard a bit. Im slightly worried that this is all going to have a knock on effect with our relationship and things start going downhill. She has said very clearly that she doesnt love me any less, but that she feels a bit deflated. In my experience people have said there feelings for me and a week later have left me for someone else. Im in know rush for marriage, i just want to be with her and for her to want to be with me. I love this woman more than anything and im at a Point in the relationship where i dont know what id do without her. I think the advice im looking for is how to deal with these little anxieties that have cropped up and maybe to shed some light on how she might feel. Just so it doesnt get in the way of our relationship and we can get back on track! Thanks in advance 😁
  2. After my last break up i really cant see myself finding that special someone! The reason for this is that just over 2 years ago my 3 year old sons mum broke up with me and it left me completely broken and lost. However i focussed on my son and was able to accept the break up and see my part in the break. I got myself into a good place and i was pretty happy and ok with things. I ended up getting really close to someone at work around 10 months or so ago. Her partner was being pretty nasty to her and their relationship ended. After a few months we ended up being together and she totally blew me away as we were so close and everything was amazing. However 7 months down the line she decides out of the blew she wants to give it another go with her ex, as she still has feeling for him. Bearing in mind she had spent time re assuring me that she was 100% sure about us. and there was nothing wrong in our relationship. She literally made her decision and left. Leaving me feeling really upset and painfully confused. What scares me is that these last 2 break ups have left me feeling beyond low snd the last one i really thought i was doing everything “right” as a partner. It also scares me how people can go from giving you everything one minute and literally an hour later theyre gone. Im the sort of guy who wants to be in a committed relationship with the right person but im now left feeling that im always going to be scared of being left after giving someone a lot, and i guess slightly not feeling good enough for someone. Anyone else have any experience with these sorts of things who can shed some light? Thanks in advance 😀
  3. I find that im in a really hard situation regarding my job and i really dont no how to go about it. Iv been a chef for the past 6 years and its been a really hard 6 years full of ups and bog lows. I love cooking but the unsociable hours, relatively low pay and the pressure of the job have had a big impact on my mental health. I have a 3 year old son and i need to change my career mainly for him, as i want to spend as much quality time with him as i can (me and his mum have split up by the way). I feel really scared about the future because theres lots of things id like to to do career wise but i feel because of my job experience and lack of academic grades or qualifications, its impossible for me to get something that 1. Gives me a good work life balance 2. A good wage to support myself and my son and 3. Something where theres scope and progression. Its easy to go online and look but all i see for jobs id like is requiremnets that I dont have, and dont have the time to get them. Its good to mention that im 28, but I feel that i should have a foundation set career wise. Im finding this a really pressurising problem! Anyone else been through a career change where they felt stuck and bot knowing what to do?
  4. In short my ex left me to go back to her ex. Weve been split for close to 4 months now, and im seriously starting to struggle. I really thought our relationship was fantastic and we both had so much in common. We were together for about 9 months. I no that some people may see that as a short relationship and that im being dramatic. But she had such a positive impact on my life and really made me feel like i was her world, and she new that she was mine. Everything about us was great. Our friendship, the social side of everything, the intimacy and how much we supported eachother. There was no build up to the break up, it just happened. I mean 10 minutes before she broke with me we were the same really close couple watching the tv together. She said that she still has love for her ex, and no matter how nasty he was or how hard he tried to make things for her she still had love for him. She has 2 kids with her ex and they were together for a considerable amount of time. I fully respected the scale of her previous relationship and didnt rush into anything. As we got closer i did express my concern that i was getting really attached to her bit wasnt sure how she felt towards her ex. Ultimately i was worried that down the line i would be in a position im in now. However she made it very clear that she was happy and 100% sure that she wanted to be with me And that she 100% sure shes not going back due to how she was made to feel by her ex. I also have a 3 year old son so a new relationship is a big deal as im bringing someone into my sons life, and i wouldnt do that unless i was sure! I also had a lot of reassurance from how we lived our lives together, we were always planning things and really beginning to set a strong foundation for our relationship. I was so happy and looking forward to everything! Im really struggling with how different everything is. We were always in contact when at work and what not and did so much together. I cant cope with how cold she feels toward me now when iv done nothing wrong. Whats also hard is we work in the same building, so i see her and have to fight back the tears as i feel so attached to her still. I dont contact her as i despite how i feel i care immensely for her and dont want to be a problem for her. But i simply cant get her out of my mind. Iv really tried to move on and accept everything but i really feel like iv lost something really special to me and i don’t understand how its gone from being amazing to nothing very quickly. A big part of my confusion is that i feel that i dont mean anything to her, which is immensely hard to think as she still feel so much for her. Any advice on how to move forward would be greatly appreciated!
  5. I really understand that there was obviously a lot of emotional ties to her ex and in some ways this was inevitable. What im really confused by is that we were really really good together, and we were both doing things together and really sharing a life. She says she had no idea shed feel like this. Im giving her space and time but im really struggling to understand what exactly has caused this. Its also really hard to cope with the drastic change in things. She really was the most amazing, kind and lovely person to be around, im mean always messaging, talking and making as much time for eachother as we could. Now, theres nothing and i feel like she doesnt care even though she knows im hurt by it. I just really want to understand it more from her point of view, because from mine, everything was great and in the space of a minute its all gone. Whats also really confusing is that she hasnt taken any of her things yet - so i sometimes wonder if shes unsure about what shes doing. I dont expect her to come back to me, i just dont want to feel like iv meant nothing because to me she means a serious amount.
  6. I find that im in a very confusing situation and one where i need some help, advice and a bit of guidance from anyone who has been through anything similar! In short my girlfriend broke up with me because she felt that no matter how good we were together she still had emotional attachments to her husband whom she has 2 kids with and is married. She has these feelings even though he has treated her badly after the break up and was a pretty awful partner to her when they were together during the last 2 years of their relationship. I need to point out that me and her were very good together, and she made me feel so so happy. I also spent a fair amount of time early on gaining reassurance that she was sure about what she was doing, that her feelings for me were genuine and how she actually felt about her ex as i respected the scale of the relationship she had come out of. She did nothing but reassure me that she was sure. Im confused and feeling broken because its gone from being so amazing to literally awful in the space of an hour. There were no warning signs or build up to this it just happened. The day before she called it off we were literally inseparable and we both felt like eachothers world. I cant deal with the drastic change, im still in the flat we got together with most of her things still here and no signs of her rushing to get her stuff, but it feels empty and cold. Iv tried to communicate with her to firstly gain an understanding of why this has happened and secondly, to sort out things like the flat and the things we have together, she reads the messages but rarely replies. I no she has spoken with her ex about how she feels but im not sure what is actually happening with her now. I sometimes wonder that she has panicked and thought “i still have these feelings for him, have a made the right decision?” I am giving her space and time but its really eating me up because i cant help but feel like i wasnt good enough for her, and that i was a mistake. Its hard to think that as my feelings have been really genuine for her. What does anyone think about her behaviour and the sudden change and why she feels the need to be so cold with me after iv done nothing but treated her well and made a real effort to show her what she meant to me. Thanks in advance for any help!
  7. I think you are definitely right. Shes very confused. We got together roughly 3 months after her actually leaving her house. However she had split from her ex 1 month before actually leaving. We moved in together i would say 2 months into the relationship, based on the fact we were both happy and felt at the time it was right. She hasnt moved back with her ex but i do no for sure she is talking about how she feels with him.
  8. So iv been in a relationship with this woman for 7 months. I no that a lot of people will think im being dramatic as its not that long for a relationship but this woman really became my world and was everything I was looking for in a relationship. Caring, kind, passionate, beautiful and made me feel like i was her world. However her previous relationship was a 16 year one and ended due to her partner treating her badly and making her feel worthless for a long time. She had 2 kids with him, a mortgage and had done a lot with him. At the start of our relationship there was definitely a rare connection between the 2 of us and we both loved spending time with eachother and finding out about eachother. Gradually we became a couple and things were getting better and better. Moved in together and started making plans for our future. However i did feel early on that i was worried her feelings would come back for her ex based on the scale of their relationship. I openly spoke to her about these concerns but was re assured that she was happy with me and the love she has for him doesnt mean shes attracted to him in anyway and was always pulled to me. It was more that he was the father of her 2 kids and they did have some really good times before it went wrong. He has also continued to treat her badly after leaving and try and constantly make her feel guilty by trying to turn their kids against her - which is a big no no in my opinion. Anyway things continued to get better and better and i was happy and so was she. All the feelings she had for me i knew were genuine and we really did become inseparable. Until a few days ago she had a sudden realisation that she still loved him no matter how he was treating her and how good mine and her relationship was. She suddenly felt that she couldnt fall totally in love with me because she still had love for her ex. And she called it off I understand kind of how he she feels as the scale of her previous relationship was huge compared to ours. But i still have all my huge feelings for her and im left really struggling with it all, i would like to think theres a chance of us getting back as between the two of us there was nothing wrong so theres nothing to fix in our relationship. However i really care about her so im giving her space and time but i no shes talking about how she feels To her ex. I cant see how they could work after whats happened between them and the scale of their break up. Has anyone been through something like this? If so what was the outcome?! I guess iv got all these strong feelings for her and i dont no ehat to do with them. Thanks in advance for any help or advice!
  9. Iv been with this woman for nearly a year. During that year her ex has been relentless and a bit of nightmare to her because of their break up. Weve had a really amazing relationship but she has struggled at times because of her emotional attachments to her ex as they were together for 16 years, 2 kids and a house. She thought that it wasnt right for us to continue as emotionally she was getting confused. She says she hasnt lost any feelings for me but still has emotional attachments to her ex and wants to try and work things out in her own head. I get what shes saying but from my point of you this woman meant the world to me and im feeling horrible because of it. Has anyone had any experiences with these sorts of things and could help me understand what could or may happen? Thanks in advance 😀
  10. Thank you for the response! Makes me feel a lot better having an understanding and reasonable asnwer 😁
  11. So im in need of some Rational advice. Il try to keep this simple as in my head this is all very confusing! So iv spent the last year feeling low, depressed and generally not good enough after a bad break up from my 3 year olds mother. Im now in a relationship with someone who i believe that to me is perfect and makes me feel very happy! However i cant help but overthink things, and worry a lot about things which are probably not true. For example, will this last, does she feel the same, am i going to push her away if i cant get on top of these thoughts i have etc. The circumstances surrounding our relationship arent very straight forward as her ex is being a problem, sometimes coming between us both and she has 2 kids slightly older than mine who at times can be challenging. She treats me so well and we both really make an effort with eachother which is lovely. I guess im just a little confused as i often think the worst and worry about losing one of the best things that has happened to me. Has anyone been through anything similar where past life events can mentally affect you even though they’ve got something really good? Or maybe this is something more to do with anxiety from my past that is playing a part? Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated 😁
  12. Me and my boy are very very close which is making this break up even harder. i think a lot of the depression was caused because i worked extremely long hours and didnt bring in a lot of money. Ultimately i didnt see my family much and found that immensely difficult. Abn because financially we struggled i always felt like i wasnt doing enough for my family. In terms of my relationship with my ex, we were good as we both new it would be tough initially but everything in time would be great. I find it hard to cope with the fact that weve both worked hard and had to deal with a lot of bad things thrown at us, but we stuck together trhough it all and its come to this!
  13. A lot of the financial issues were because of my ex's spending habbits, but iv taken a better job with more money and i enjoy it there. Im currently on medication and seeing a councillor about my depression.
  14. Il try and keep this short but here goes! My GF broke up with with about 2 months ago. We were together for 2 years and have a 1 year old son. The reason for the break up is that for about a year i have been suffering with severe depression due to financial stress and a lot of work troubles and didnt really realise what was going on in my head. This led to my ex feeling like she couldnt make me happy and sometimes felt unwanted. When we broke we still lived together for a month or so whilst I found somewhere else to live. It was hard as everythjng was very emotionally charged. However i made my feelings towards her very clear and what i want as this is the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with. I also put a lot of effort into trying to keep things respectful and nice so we could co parent together with respect and care for eachother if anything for our son! She told me that she doesnt hate me at all and really cares about me, which is cool i guess as maybe this is a good foundation for us being a family in the future after we sort our personal issues! Now iv moved out her behaviour seems odd at times. Shes very very active on facebook. One minute she seems to be cracking on with her life and relatively happy, the next shes posting these cheesey quotes about how much she's struggling. Im confused because i love her so much and would do anything to have her back. So when i see these sorts of things i want to help but i dont no if thats the right thing to do. I also feel she can be quite cold toward me. When inhave done nothing wrong. I guess what i need some help with is understanding her thoughts so i can gauge what the best approach is for us to be a family again. Is she confused about what she wants or sinpmy feeljng overly guilty as im conpletely broken after this break up! Thank you in advance for any replies!
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