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jrv

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Posts posted by jrv

  1. I disagree. He was playing games with her and it backfired.

     

    However, OP, that doesn't mean that you can't feel terrible about what happened. I do think you need to see a therapist to get over this. After 4 years, I don't think you can move past this on your own. Seeing a therapist would be the best for you, I think.

     

    Does your girlfriend know how you feel? I also find it concerning that you can talk about your girlfriend being "pounded," like she's just some sex object. Please see a therapist, OP.

     

    I’m not trying to be rude! It’s just the feeling I have.. I know it was a hot and heavy relationship with this guy that I know as I saw Marks on all over her breast during my daughters baseball pizza party. The clothes she wore to the party said it all.

    Maybe going to town would have been more appropriate!!

    Anyways, how do I let it go!! Her brother is friends with the dude!

    It’s weird now!

  2. I think you resumed the relationship way too soon. Having another kid complicated things even more.

     

    I recommend some kind of couples therapy. You have not processed this all yet.

     

    On the one hand, you are shocked that she could so easily get intimate with someone else--and deliberately chose a close friend of yours. Who was all too happy to help a girl out.

     

    On the other hand, you tested her feelings for you by going on a break from her. Was this a time-boxed break at the time? Or was it open-ended?

     

    Why for god's sake did you return to her without resolving all this?

     

    You now are suspicious of her and her intentions of monogamy or not.

     

    I notice that you have not married her. Please do not without straightening things out--and do not have more children either.

     

    There is too much conflict to fix.

     

    Understood. How do I make myself feel better about the situation? I’m obviously over thinking the whole thing and letting my ego control my thoughts!

     

    Any ideas?

  3. Understood. I already ordered the book. I'm not really sure why it's hit me so hard recently? I guess I never properly coped with the situation.

     

    I think certain things trigger my emotions, and it's hard to take her at face value because she said one thing and did another.

    She would say that I'm lost without you during the break. However, a few short weeks later she was already in a secrets relationship with this punk!

     

     

    Now, I guess because I know him it makes it worse.

  4. I think you resumed the relationship way too soon. Having another kid complicated things even more.

     

    I recommend some kind of couples therapy. You have not processed this all yet.

     

    On the one hand, you are shocked that she could so easily get intimate with someone else--and deliberately chose a close friend of yours. Who was all too happy to help a girl out.

     

    On the other hand, you tested her feelings for you by going on a break from her. Was this a time-boxed break at the time? Or was it open-ended?

     

    Why for god's sake did you return to her without resolving all this?

     

    You now are suspicious of her and her intentions of monogamy or not.

     

    I notice that you have not married her. Please do not without straightening things out--and do not have more children either.

     

    There is too much conflict to fix.

     

    Gotcha. He wasn't a close friend rather an acquaintance.

  5. You cleaned your side of the street? In what way? You have more garbage and baggage than most and your side of the street is far from clean. It is littered with your bruised ego, pride and insecurities.

     

    Now you have a problem with her brother being social media friends with this guy? Exactly how many layers of people need to not talk to this guy before you are okay with it all?

     

    Like I said this is all on you now.

     

    Here is a link to the book.

     

     

    It can show you how your ego is controlling your life and thoughts.

     

    I am curious. Was your gf a virgin when you met? If not why don't you have a problem about the other guys that had sex with her?

     

    Lost

     

    No she was not. I guess it bothers me when I know the person. Oh, she was with other people I knew before we got together. That's less bothersome since it was before.

     

    During our split she was drinking a lot and doing drugs with the guy in question. Knowing my girlfriend got pounded out night after night with this guy is something I can't shake.

     

    What is my problem and what can I do to stop thinking about it since the facts will never change.

     

    Thanks!

    JRV

  6. When you got back together with her, you could have decided not to do so because she had a rebound after you broke up with her. It would have been reasonable to do so. But you made a choice to get her back -- and therefore you have accepted the terms. You also decided to have a second kid. Its not like you ever married her. If you broke up and you went no contact, then she was not bound by anything to wait for you. SO - the ship has sailed. So what do you do? Deep down if you don't want to be with her any more, see an attorney together to establish custody and child support and stop torturing her. Or go to counseling and decide what this is really about -- do you just not want to be with her or is your ego bruised and that's the heart of the matter?

     

    I guess my ego is bruised! Her brother is fiends with the guy on FB and instagram.

    Do you think that is weird? They are not really friends in real life though.

    She blocked the dude from her FB page but her brother kept it! Do you think that is right! I don't!

    Anytime her brother post something with her included the other guy sees it.

     

    It bothers me and I told her that!!

    I hate the way I feel about the whole think! It's constantly on my mind!

  7. What would you do if the roles were reversed? I bet you wouldn't have told her you were banging some chick while you were apart would you? No you wouldn't want to ruin the chance of getting back together so you would lie.

     

    Have you done any reading on the ego and how it controls our thoughts and lives? Would you be willing to read a book on the subject? I can suggest one but it is a hard read and you need to be serious about helping yourself.

     

    Lost

     

    Yes. What's the title?

  8. This is all on you jrv.

     

    You broke up with her and went NC leaving her all alone and thinking it was over for good. In your mind it was a break so you could think things through but to her it was over. You were not together, it wasn't like you two got into a fight and she went right out and banged the first guy she met.

     

    It is also on you since you decided back then to get back together and then have yet another child. If this bothers you so much now why didn't it bother you then? Did you think getting her pregnant would somehow tell everyone "she is mine"?

     

    This is all ego driven and shows how insecure you are. It happened years ago and you still carry it like it was last week.

     

    In the last 4 years how many times has she even talked to this guy? once? never?

     

    I am curious what you need to think about all those years ago anyways?

     

    You need to stop blaming her and look in the mirror because this all lands at your feet. If you can't handle it then set her free so she can be with someone that will not hold a grudge for something that wasn't her fault and you can one day meet someone that has never dated anyone you know.

     

    Before long she will grow tired of this and leave you for good on her terms and your only memories will come up once a month when you pay child support.

     

    Time to either seek out a therapist or break up for good.

     

    Lost

     

    I guess what bothers me the most if that she lied and hide the fact she was sleeping with this guy during our time apart!

    I know this dude and he is a scum bag. It's pains me that he pounded out my girlfriend. They were in a hot and heavy drug, alcohol, and sexual relationship!

     

    When I first got back with her she told me that it was over with him.

     

    However, I remember a text message for me him asking is she was coming over.

     

    Now, her step dad made a heartless comments while out to dinner after she was pregnant.

     

    He asked us if we were going to name the baby The name of her fling.

     

    Also, during the short time we were apart I send her a picture with the dude and myself in question to let her know how weird it was.

     

    What did she do?? She shared the picture with the scum bag and they both talked about it!

     

    That's the kind of I can't let go of! I guess I need advice on how to best let it go.

     

    Thanks!

  9. If she's blocked him that's definitely a step towards the right direction. She cares enough for you to do that. Even if she visits her brothers page, if she blocked him she can't see his profile anymore and vise versa. Even if you put the name in the search bar it won't pop up. If she uses Instagram, Twitter or snap chat Id ask she do the same there as well.

     

    Now with that out of the way, it's time to work on you. Does she feel bad when you tell her you feel betrayed and embarrassed? Does she seem remorseful? Does she cry or get upset when it's brought up? Those are signs I would be looking for. If she genuinely feels bad about it then the next best thing would be to work on you man. You need to Get over that hump if you truly love this woman. She's the mother of your kids. She'll always have a special place in your heart for that but it doesn't mean you have to stay if things are really that bad at home.

     

    Stop thinking about it. Because what we do as men is play the scene over and over in our heads. You said you feel as if they were laughing at you. I hope you realize this is your mind playing tricks on you. We men are very territorial and feel our woman are the most sacred thing on the planet... and they truly are. We want to protect that and feel as if it belonged to you and only you. My girl had other partners before me as well and I don't even like bringing any of her ex's up because my blood just boils.. These are high school kids we're talking about in my case. So I can only imagine the pain and frustration you're going through man. Just know a lot of it you're kind of doing to yourself. You need to make a choice and follow your heart. Get the help you need. The both of you and if all else fails and you're back to feeling resentful I think you know what you have to do. Walk brother... just walk.

     

    Good advise bro! I was playing hard to get during our separation but it back fired on my ass! I wish I could do it all over again before I left.

     

    I got mad after an argument and left to my parents house. I wish I would've thought it over before I left.

     

     

    I'll never be able to get that time back! It was stupid on my part!!! I regret my own actions! They help perpetuate her sleeping with someone else!

  10. Damn dude this sucks. I can understand your frustrations. Don't listen to these people saying it wasn't technically cheating. Fking right it was especially when you've been with someone for quite a while. Sometimes people need breaks to gather themselves and sort things out. There is a difference between taking a quick break and breaking up. Especially considering you had a kid with her? C'mon now.

     

    You need to be happy and live comfortably. Mental health is very important and I already know what it's like when your mind is running wild thinking of every worst case scenario.

     

    Tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her you're embarrassed and feel betrayed. If you love her enough and she loves you enough you too can come to some sort of agreement to help the healing process for you if you do indeed decide to stay. For starters... how about removing all forms of communication with the guy. Have her unfriend him on Facebook, Instagram and all that jazz. It will not erase that feeling you have but it will at the very least give you a bit of comfort knowing there is no line of communication any longer.

     

    The feeling will never subside. You either need some couples counselling as well as individual counseling and if that does not work unfortunately the only other option is to walk.

     

    Just my 2 pennies.

     

    Gotcha! That's how I'm feeling about it. Her lame brother and the dude are friends on Facebook. I know she checks her brothers profile page so I'm sure she still seems him on Facebook. She's blocked him from her own page but the dude is still connected to her brother.

     

    We had another kid after we got back together around 4 years ago and I was going to marry her. Unfortunately I just don't feel right doing it now. She was with someone I personally know. This person had tried to get on her before but she denied him. After I left for my parents house to figure Things out is when she contacted him through FB I believe. It's still vivid because she asked if I wanted to hang out! After I said maybe she sent another text out telling me to never mind. She then lied about who she was with that night! That's what perpetrated the length in time apart, as it was the gut feeling of betrayal I felt.

     

     

    Things are better now then they have been in a while. However, I'm still haunted by the sexcapade they had.

    It lasted around a month and half during this time she was trying to get me back even after she was sleeping with him.

     

    It's doesn't seem real at times!

    I actually am meeting with a female counselor regarding my issues.

     

    Any advise would be helpful

  11. What are you embarrassed about? You were broken up and she had sex with some guy. Why should you be embarrassed?

     

    Why are you bitter? You were the one that set this whole thing in motion right? Are you bitter towards yourself?

     

    Do they communicate still? Either you trust her or you don't. You realize that if she wanted she could communicate with all kinds of guys, not just this one so either trust her or don't. What has she done to make you not trust her?

     

    If you look closely you should see that all these things circle back to you. You are insecure about all this and perpetuating these feelings. Seek out some one on one therapy and it will be a great relief. I would guess this isn't the only issue you carry with you.

     

    Answer my questions with brutal honesty and lets see where things truly fall.

     

    Yes, I'm bitter and embarrassed that I played a huge role in how things played out!! If I had not left this probably wouldn't have happened like this!

    I feel bad because I can't go back in time and stop myself from leaving when I did.

     

    Im not OK with this dude sleeping with my girlfriend even though we were sort of separated.

     

    It's a crummy feeling to have knowing someone I know slept with my lady.

     

    I can just see them laughing about me when it was happening.

     

    She initially lied about the sexual relationship she had with him at first.

     

    Any thoughts

  12. So this affair happened 4 years ago? And you're still chewing on this? You're lucky she took you back. You should stop asking her for more details, and if she's volunteering all of this, she may be telling you in what areas you're deficient in.

     

    You never married your girlfriend. I think she had a right to blow off some steam. You basically separated. That's the whole idea about separations. If you had had an affair, I'm sure you would feel differently about it.

     

    You have to get to the bottom of your problem of why the relationship goes up and down. You have two kids and you have to be responsible for them too. You have to give them a stable environment or they become victims in this.

     

    How do I get over the embarrassing feel I have?

  13. This happened over 4 years ago and it still pains me. We've now been together around 10 years and have two kids. The awful feelings I have about this are a day to day struggle.

    It's even worse that I know The other guy and he is friends with her brother.

    There also indirectly connected through the various social media sites as I am since we all went to the same school.

  14. My girlfriend and I had been in an up and down relationship for around 5 years when I left her and went to stay at my parents house while I was figuring things out.

     

    I was meeting with a counselor to figure my relationship out. After about two weeks of my girlfriend trying to get me back she starting hooking up with This guy I know. She lied about who she was hanging out with during this time until I figured out. Her infidelity lasted around a month an a half.

     

    It was a highly sexual relationship as I witnessed marks on her chest.

     

    Nonetheless we got back together and had another kid our second one.

     

    It's been around 4 years since her escaped happened. Now, during this time a lot of the details of her other relationship have come out.

     

    It's still hard to digest the fact she was with someone else and it's worse since I know the person.

     

    I'm still totally embarrassed that this happened.

    It makes it worse that we have two kids now and I don't want to merry her because of it.

     

    I can't stop thinking of her infidelity.

    Any ideas or advise would be helpful!

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