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Anonyme95

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  1. I met this guy on a dating app at the start of January. We spoke for about 4 weeks, everyday all day, over text until we finally met up in person for our first date at the end of January. We had a really great time and clicked straight away. After that we continued speaking all day everyday over text, but didn't meet up in person that often. It got to around mid-March, by this point we'd been speaking everyday for about 3 months and but had only had 4 dates in total in the space of 2 months (roughly one every 2 weeks). I was starting to think that either he wasn't interested, or seeing someone else, because it was always me initiating the next date and he was busy often. Each date was around 3/4 hours long and we hadn't slept together at this point, but had kissed a lot. There was also no talk of exclusivity or relationships, we were still getting to know each other. I knew the only way to get to know him better was in person, so I suggested meeting up one weekend. He said he was busy all weekend with his friends and his car. I was quite confused at this point because it seemed like he wasn't making an effort to see me, which made me feel really rubbish about myself. I figured that we weren't in a relationship though so I couldn't say anything. So I decided to take a step back and just go out with my friends that weekend and enjoy myself. I ended up kissing two guys whilst drunk and giving one of them my number. This is completely out of character for me and not something I'd likely do again, even if single. I'll never see either of them again. and i'm not using being drunk as an excuse for it either. I really liked the guy I was seeing, and we had both said we liked each other, so I felt really guilty the next day. In my eyes, it wasn't technically cheating because we hadn't discussed exclusivity but morally it's not something I feel happy having done. Also, in the UK dating multiple people at once is frowned upon. I'm a very honest and trustworthy person so my first instinct was to tell him, but then I figured that we weren't even close enough at that point to talk about that sort of stuff. I decided to just forget about it and saw the guy two weeks later for our 5th date. We've since been on a few more dates and slept together. We're definitely a lot closer now and more comfortable around each other, but still not exclusive. I also haven't kissed/spoken to/dated/slept with anyone else, other than those two I kissed in March, since I've known him (January). But now our relationship is finally progressing I'm starting to feel guilty about what happened 2/3 months ago and am unsure whether I should tell him. I feel like it's a weird situation because we spoke everyday all day, said we liked each other, and had been technically dating for 2/3 months which is what made me feel guilty. But at the same time we'd only met up in person 4 times, had a lot to learn about each other, hadn't discussed exclusivity, hadn't slept together, weren't seeing each other more than fortnightly and weren't close enough to talk about this stuff. So in reality the relationship wasn't as progressed as you'd expect at 2/3 months. I do have anxiety and sometimes overthink/worry about situations to the point where I can't rationalise anymore, so some opinions on whether or not this is cheating/whether I need to tell him would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry this has somehow ended up really long.
  2. Yeah that's exactly how I feel. In my opinion, it was rude and disrespectful. He deleted photos of me by myself on holiday, and even a photo of me with my Dad. I'll never be able to get those back. I don't care if it's a part of the breakup process or whatever, he clearly only thought about himself when he deleted all those photos. Just because you're going through a breakup doesn't mean you're the only person in the world, and I don't think it would've been so bad for him to think of someone else for a change. I honestly can't even imagine deleting all those photos of him by himself on holiday off of my Facebook without first sending them to him. We might have broken up but we're still people who exist. Sorry I've gone off on a tangent, I'm just annoyed with his selfishness haha. I'm definitely better off without him. I'm sorry you had to go through the same thing.
  3. I feel like the situation you're in is very similar to one that I've just been in. Me and my ex got together when I was 16 and he was 18, and we were together for almost 5 years. I too starting having doubts about the relationship. I started noticing all of his flaws and all of the incompatibilities between us. I started wondering whether there was anyone more compatible out there for me. I remember him mentioning getting engaged and I just felt sick. I couldn't imagine getting engaged so young and spending the rest of my life with him. I also felt like it would be difficult to start my career being with him, as I did feel tied down. I really hated the thought of my life being planned out at 21. But at the same time I felt like we had to stay together forever as our relationship had been so serious from such a young age. I felt like it was expected of us to stay together and as it was my first LTR, I didn't know anything else. I also felt like I was being too optimistic and that I wouldn't find anyone else. The decision to breakup was mutual, and we both said there was no point in staying together as we'd end up resenting each other down the line. I thought I'd be distraught but I'm actually really relieved and happy. It's only now that I've realised how incompatible we were and how I was missing out on life by being in an unhappy relationship. My situation wasn't exactly the same but I just thought it'd be useful to hear a similar story. You've mentioned a lot of reasons why you don't want to be in the relationship, are there any reasons why you do? I don't want to assume anything, but it sounds like you don't really respect her as a person much from what you've said. It seems like her flaws are outweighing her positives to you, and that's not a great way to start an engagement. It sounds like she's fully invested in this relationship and is expecting it to last forever, from what you've said. Do you think you'd be happy forever? Or do you think one day you'd start to resent her? If you don't see a future then it'd be better to end it now, rather than a few years down the line when you start to resent each other.
  4. Thanks for all your replies. By the sounds of it, it wouldn't be a horrible thing to just transfer him half and take a friend. I just wanted to be sure it wasn't a bad thing to do after a breakup. I definitely don't want to get in contact with him though as someone suggested. The reason why I want these tickets sorted is so that I don't have to talk to him in the future. As for the photos though, I'll have to disagree. He deleted every single photo he had of me off of his Facebook and didn't give me a chance to save them. He untagged himself from every photo I had of us together, except for the ones of him by himself. By that logic I should just delete all the photos I have of him alone off of my Facebook without giving him a chance to save them. He'd then have lost those photos forever and he wouldn't have any tagged photos of him from the last 5 years. Considering the fact that he had girls messaging him before we broke up, and the fact that he appears to be dating someone new, I personally think he did it to appear single. Anyway I'm not bothered anymore. I'm better off without him and I'll go enjoy the concert.
  5. I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years 3 weeks ago. It was a mutual decision. We thought that the spark had gone in the relationship and that we had grown apart. I found the week after the break up really difficult, but I'm now doing a lot better and am actually starting to enjoy being by myself. However, I'm in a bit of a dilemma now and am looking for a bit of advice. Earlier in the year we booked tickets to a concert for our 5 year anniversary. On the night of the break up, it was agreed that I'd sell the tickets as neither of us wanted to go alone as we thought it'd be too emotional. The plan was to then transfer him half of the money as he had paid half. I decided not to sell the tickets straight away as the concert isn't until November, and I thought it'd be a bit insensitive to sell them so soon after the breakup. I also thought it'd be better if we didn't have contact for a few weeks, and selling the tickets would involve contacting him to transfer the money. However, the other day I realised that he'd gone to the effort to delete every single photo of us off of his Facebook, and also untag himself from all of mine. He's essentially deleted all photographic evidence of our 4 year+ relationship after two weeks of being broken up. I was really annoyed about this because we ended the relationship on good terms and there was no reason to do that so soon, if at all. I just found it really insulting and it makes me think he's not really being mature about this. Because of this I want to sort the concert tickets out as soon as possible and just get on with my life. However, I think I'm going to have trouble selling the tickets as they're not sold out yet, and there's already loads for resale. I'd have to sell the tickets really cheap and lose out on a lot of money. Or wait until really close to the concert and then have to contact him in November. My friends and family have suggested that I just go with a friend and give him half the money. I would like to go to the concert and would ask him first to make sure he's alright with it. I'm just unsure whether it would be a horrible thing to do? Especially considering it was supposed to be for our anniversary? I'm really just looking for a bit of advice on what would be the most acceptable thing to do in this situation. Thanks in advance.
  6. On Monday night, me and my boyfriend of 4 years and 9 months decided it would be best to break up. Both of us have been feeling like the spark has been gone for a while and that the relationship ended up more like a friendship. We also felt like we'd grown apart as people which is understandable as we're both young and starting our careers. Before the breakup I knew I wasn't entirely happy in the relationship. We didn't spend a lot of time together as we were so busy and when we did, it wasn't like it used to be. Although we both knew the relationship wasn't the same, we didn't say anything. Then on Monday night we finally let each other know and we felt so relieved. We decided it would be best to breakup. We both said that we still loved each other and cared about each other, just weren't in love with each other. We decided we'd try to be friends one day. Despite the fact that the breakup was mutual, I feel like my whole world has come crashing down. We got together when I was 16 and he was 18. We're now 21 and 23. I'm used to sharing my life with him and supporting each other through big parts of our lives. The first few years of our relationship were amazing and we both thought we'd be together forever. Even at the end of the relationship, he was still the best friend I'd ever had. We discussed getting a house together in the near future and even started looking. I just can't cope with the fact that I'll never see him again. Literally everything reminds me of him and it's so painful. I can literally look at anything and it would bring back memories of him. I can't stop crying, I feel like my heart is being ripped out and I can't eat. I've even had to take some time off work as I couldn't concentrate. I can't imagine myself ever finding anyone else or being happy with anyone else. Also, the thought of him finding someone else is just a horrible thought right now. It's like I've forgotten all the reasons why we wanted to break up and am fixating on all the amazing parts. I've also got some huge things coming up in my life like my graduation, and it makes me feel physically sick that he won't be part of them. We've also spoken everyday for the last 5 years and it's killing me not being able to tell him about my day. I know this post is all over the place and I'm not really sure what I'm hoping to get out of it. It just feels therapeutic to be able to get my feelings out.
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