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  • Birthday February 6

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  1. The first time he was more reassuring and calm. He tried to explain to me the situation with that girl, the nature of their conversations and everything. He was really supporting. And most of the time he acted in a way in which he conveyed trust and safety. What I mean is that it was obvious that he was invested in the relationship.
  2. Yep. I was mainly calm, but he became defensive because this is not the first time I brought this girl up into conversation and he got fed up with it. He wasn't really aggressive, but he felt accused and indeed, this is what I did. I accused him of talking to her behind my back.
  3. After we calmed down and I explained to him the reasons behind me saying those things and after I apologized, he told me that things are fine between us and that I should rest assured that his affection towards me hasn't been altered. But deep down, I know he's scared that I may bring up this sort of issue again and he let me know that he really doesn't know what else he can do to help me apart from what he's been doing until now.
  4. He got a bit defensive and he told me that if we were to go back to face-to-face classes in autumn, I would most probably be constantly stressed about this girl as we would see her on a regular basis. And yep, he is right to things so as I gave him the reasons to.
  5. You are right. Thank you for your thoughts and advice!
  6. I noticed there's something between them as we had online classes and they used to laugh at the same time and look at each other. It was pretty obvious. Later on, on one occasion, I asked him about it and he confirmed to me that they used to talk and that this girl used many sexual innuendos in their conversations. He told me that they used to flirt, but that nothing serious was happening as she was not only inconsistent in her texting, but also conveyed to him that she's only interested in sex.
  7. Yep. I agree with what you said. One thing should be considered,though. Most of the times you cannot see or face your real issues when you're single, because they are not triggered. When you have contact with people and engage in romantic relationships, there is when the mirror is hold in front of you showing your things you have to improve. I guess my main problem is that I have to consciously have to make the decision to trust the person I am with, despite of my fears of what may happen in the future. Now, having said this, what can I do know for his sake? I don't want a breakup and I for the time being he doesn't want one either. I just want to repair it. To mend it.
  8. I feel embarrassed and guilty and I cannot forgive myself for it. I feel like I destroyed a good thing. I try to keep my insecurities in control and didn't bother him anymore, but it happened again and I feel like I utterly failed and feeling of inadequacy crept in. I feel like I'm not good enough for him, as he is a secure person, a healthier one and has many positive attributes.
  9. I caused him hurt by distrusting him and by accusing him without any reasons whatsoever. I guess it doesn't matter the manner in which I brought the issue up, I didn't have an angry reaction or something similar when I asked him about this other girl, but still, I know in a way I really disappointed him. He did many things for my sake, he supported me through difficult times and this is my response - getting insecure without reason because of a certain girl he used to talk in the past.
  10. Thank you for the answer! In what concerns my current partner, is there something I could immediately do in order to mend/repair the damage caused? Apart from not bringing up into discussion that matter again. All I want is to have a healthy relationship with THIS partner. I really don't want to lose him because of my stupidity. 😞 I will take into consideration all that you said as I've never been more determined to work on these issues.
  11. Hi everybody. Long story-short. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for approximately 6 months now. We never had big fights and used to get along very well. He never gave me a reason to distrust him or his commitment to the relationship. On the contrary, he's a very affectionate and loving person who proved many times that he cares for me deeply. He always makes time for me, plans visiting, wants me to meet his family etc. However, the one who has some trust-issues is me, mostly because of past-experiences. From time to time I used to feel insecure about a girl he used to talk (we're both studying our masters' degree and he used to talk to another colleague before we started talking, although it was nothing serious between them.) The point is, I found myself in the position of comparing myself to this other girl as I perceived her as better than me ( in my flawed perception), and I tended to bring this irrational jealousy episode several times in the past but stopped after me and boyfriend met each other in real life and spend quality time together. Lately, it's been a stressful period for both of us for many reasons since we have exams and some other external factors that contributed to the tense atmosphere .The main thing is that even if I thought I got over this episode concerning the other girl, I brought it up once more a few nights ago and since then, the amount of guilt I feel numbed me. I know it's not healthy at all, I know he doesn't deserve it and that I should do something about it ASAP. Now, my biggest fear is that I pushed him away and won't ever go back to what we had before, namely a balanced relationship (apart from the episodes caused by my insecurities.) I know for a fact that I need to get in control of my emotions and to learn how to regulate them. Because of this fear of losing him or thinking that I caused fatal damage to our relationship, I couldn't sleep well during the last few nights, despite his attempts of soothing me and telling me that everything is okay. I really cannot afford therapy at the moment, but some advice from you would be more than welcome. I really want to mend my relationship and allow ourselves to grow without this sickness of jealousy. Do you believe it can be mended or is it broken for good?
  12. Hi there, I'm (F24) during my first year of MA and have been talking for two months with one of my MA colleagues (M22). He's quite shy and he told me some days after we started talking that he would never have had the courage to text me in private because of his timidity. At this point, I must mention that he did talk to one of my female colleagues and I noticed there's some sort of attraction between them as I saw them laughing at the same time and looking at their phones at the same intervals. The fact is after we started talking and given the chance to mention this aspect about them he confirmed that he indeed talked to her and liked her, but that she replied late to his texts and he couldn't have a proper conversation with her- a thing that put him off. As we live in different cities and haven't seen one another for two months, we finally managed to meet halfway and we spent a great time together. Kissing, cuddling, walking while holding hands. We do like each other, but the problem appears because I feel very insecure about this other girl. I know that by nature I'm an insecure individual and I try to work on it, but I feel uneasy mainly because this other girl is way smarter and funnier than me. She's also quite beautiful so I feel really paranoid and the whole situation makes me feel insecure. I know for a fact that she uses to contact him asking him different things related to classes and jokes with him through texts. I really don't know how to cope with this. I feel like I will never be able to have a healthy relationship because of such thoughts and this insecurity. I'm sorry for my bad English. Some piece of advice would be welcomed. :(
  13. Thank you a lot for your answer. It made me feel really better...and less guilty for being this way. Anyway, I do have big issues regarding insecurity. I would really try to make it work with this boy whom I care a lot about, but I don't know if I'm capable of being comfortable with this situation..I will take into big consideration your answer. Thank you a lot!
  14. Thank you very much for your answers!
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