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elle101

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  1. I can’t get financial support from their father as he left the country. Believe me, I have tried
  2. Need but not want, and definitely don’t want his pity! Agree re the trying to sort out finances which I am already doing, and also that his financial support won’t last forever. So it feels like we still have a connection if I carry on like this 😞
  3. So just to update. I sent him the message and his response was. Please accept the money. He didn’t want to review it and wanted to carry on giving it to me. He just wanted to sort himself out!! Just wondered what your thoughts were with this. Do I just say no and tell him to remove any responsibility again. Or say nothing and let him sort himself out, whatever that really means?
  4. You’re right and wanting to say thank you has been what I wanted to say. But I want to say thank you for so many other things too!! I know he’s ended it, all too well. I guess I’m trying to 2nd guess his thoughts, and I can’t 😞
  5. Thank you. I’m not delaying in sending it because I don’t think I can survive without it. I applied for a 2nd job today. Adhoc hours for end of tenancy cleaning, I’m delaying in sending it because I’m so scared of contacting him. I probably stupidly think that we could still make this work, but this message if I send it is a pretty final goodbye, and I’m also scared of just seeing a message or email from him and what it might say. That’s my dilemma. Would somebody receive this and think, well thanks I tried to help so you can just get lost, or would they think, wow, she’s trying to move on, or any other thoughts?
  6. Sorry, that made no sense. It was only the first paragraph I was sending the him, the additional paragraphs were for this post. I would never send him anything to make him feel pity!!
  7. The neemssage I was going to send to him ended at “chosen tons” The rest was just my continued post on here. I would never send him all that!!
  8. And really I am trying to deal with wanting him back so much and in the same breath trying to get over him. The money aspect has just made things harder for me, as it makes me want to reach out, but feel that for my own sanity I can’t even say thank you. That said all of your comments made me think about needing to send a message as per the one I drafted. My head is all over the place though. It’s only been 8 days since we broke up
  9. This is the message I have drafted but not sent Hi there. I wanted to say thank you for still giving me £200. I am truly grateful, however I feel you should remove the obligation you feel towards me and lessen the pressure on yourself, I am not your responsibility anymore, and by doing this you are not truly setting yourself free to be independent of me and live your life as you have chosen to do. I have lived here for 10 years and though due to increased lack of financial support from my children’s dad, things have got increasingly harder. I also have a chronic illness which stopped me from working for 6 months but have managed to get to a stage where I can now work again. But not at the same level I used to. Because he was and is a very good man, he supported and helped where he could throughout the years if our relationship. I think he doesn’t want to see me out on the streets with my 2 children, and there is guilt for finally ending things. It’s hard enough trying to deal with a serious relationship breakdown and then the financial chaos. Yes I know it’s not his responsibility and if I felt stronger about everything I would just call up and say stop please. But I don’t and feel terrible for at least not just saying a thank you at this stage. I still love the bones of him and I know that at the breakup he cried and said he was going against every fibre in his body by doing this, but he wanted me to be happy too and felt that by sticking with me in this long distance relationship I would never find anybody else. So hard x
  10. If only it were that easy. Sadly selling here can take months and even then I couldn’t afford to buy anything for less money and renting is even more expensive. I need to hold onto what I have. I do understand where you are coming from though and have drafted a message, I’m just too scared to send it. I’m scared if his response as I am sure he would reply, And then I feel as though I am back in conversation with him, which is too soon for me.
  11. Yes, it is a long time and tbh it felt out of the blue, but really all these things have always been there... when we are together it’s all great but when apart he possibly over thinks things. So I probably should have known at some point this would happen.. as I said, it’s not the first time. I do agree about the money, but I am so scared of messaging him. I don’t even think I can bring up his name in my phone. And again being honest, I can’t afford to carry on living in the house I’m in if I lose that money and I’m certainly not living the high life as it is. Am trying to get an additional job. Just wish everything was ok.. its hard, but I am focusing on my boys, although they are 14 and 18 so not needy little people anymore, it all feels very silent in my house Thank you x
  12. Thank you wiseman. Yes I do believe he still cares, and it’s not his responsibility. I can’t do anything with my children’s father as he left the country!! Do you think leaving him alone will just make him realise these things even more? I’m really struggling with whether I thank him for the money and say it’s not his responsibility to do this. Has he done this because he feels guilty as well?
  13. Hi all I am really trying to seek out some guidance as I’m not dealing with this very well. Long story... we met 6 years ago, online and initially I think for us both it was a bit of fun, although for me (I am 14 years older) it quite quickly, well within about 6-8 months, he grew to be somebody very special. We went through some blips mainly to do with stage of life, due to our age and the distance we had between us, which started out at about 1.5 hours, but he moved and changed jobs to be closer, so down to an hour. So, IMO not really that far. We would see each other most weekends, he would come to me and I would go to him mid week. He was so very supportive of my life, he helped me as much as he could with my 2 boys, both financially and emotionally, he was always there to listen and advise when things got tough with them. I have zero financial or emotional support from their dad. He encouraged and motivated me, told me how beautifully I am inside and out and was really a very lovely kind man, and in fairness I was the same to him. He wanted and had bought a couple of houses to do up and rent. I helped and accepted that’s what he needs to do, I supported his job choice which meant he couldn’t live closer to us, and helped him through very difficult times too. He used to say he was punching above and couldn’t believe how lucky he was. I made him high on life!! Anyway that’s a bit of background. We did fall out due to the distance and I think primarily the responsibility he felt that although he did it, he didn’t really want it. So we saw each other Boxing Day and had the best day/night. We laughed loved talked, he said when we were in church a few days previously he felt like he wanted to marry me. The next day I had to work and he said he was going to work on his house but would be back about 6. We arranged what we would have for dinner. We messaged through the day and he said at 5, he was about to leave, then he calls and says he doesn’t think he can do this anymore. He needs to be free to do what he needs to do without feeling guilty, he doesn’t want the responsibility, I need a man that’s there for me all the time (I think he was referring to a hospital appt I had when he couldn’t be there) I was gob smacked. I asked him how he could do this over the phone, he says when he’s with me all his fears disappear but when we are apart he dwells on them. So saying it over the phone is easier because he can’t see me!!! After 3 hours of talking, crying, shouting. I Eventually said that I think we are just at different stages of life and I respect his decision. He sobbed when I said this. When we finally said goodbye it was so painful as I think I knew this would be the last time I would ever speak to him. This was a week ago and I realised yesterday that he has still put £200 in my bank account, as he has done for the past year, to help me and also as he spent a lot of time at mine to pay for his keep!! He earns 10 times more than I do, but none the less, seeing that money made me think what an amazing man. He did say on our last phone call that he was always here for me and he wanted to carry on supporting me. So.... do I thank him for the money, I so want to reach out to him but fear it will break my heart even more if I do, but I don’t want him to think I’m not ever so grateful for him doing this. Do you think space will help him realise if he really does miss me, or was this all just an excuse and he’s already met somebody else. He always said he would never find anybody as amazing as me, and he is so proud of me... we fit so well together etc. Anyway sorry this is soooo long. Feel like I just poured my heart out to total strangers, but could really do with some insight. Last point is that we have always had these issues of different stage of life, and have briken up twice before. Once I instigated getting back together and once he did!! Thank you all for listening. Xx
  14. Hi all I posted here a little while ago, about breaking up, getting back together and breaking up (cyclical relationship) I won't bore you again with all the details, just to say that he is younger than me, and doesn't have children, and I do. We are also Long distance, well about 2 hours car drive away. We are best friends, really we are/were, but because of our age and children differences, he felt it just couldn't work, despite us being very much in love. All other aspects were great. Love, friendship, interests, laughter etc etc. It really was gut wrenching for both of us. Anyway, having already posted all of this, this isn't my point. My point is that we are still communicating with each other and I just don't know what to do about it. Its like nothing has really changed, but of course it has. We are still sharing things with eachother, still very flirty etc. But I fear that its hurting me, but for him its just a way of letting go slowly. The last time we broke up, I just stopped talking to him, and it was so very hard. It feels less hard this time, but I think I am hoping that he will come back, but I don't think he will. Do I just politely say stop messaging me, but then I know I'll be heartbroken even more than I already am. Its all starting to drive me nuts and I'm not eating or sleeping well at all. Thank you all Elle
  15. If he offered marriage, I'm not sure what I would say. We did talk About movin together in 2-3 years time, once he has sorted out a house deal,, he has a buy to let property.. that's all about timing...I do believe he truly loves me, but the comment about the younger person finding someone on one of these break ups I think is very probable... in my heart I do want him to be happy, and I know he does for me too. We have both invested 5 years of long distance ish time and that feels such a shame to throw away. When you say decision time, I guess you mean do I stay with the non committed scenario or walk away, that's my real dilemma x
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