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Everything posted by Ross88

  1. Been trying to forget her but waking up through the night and morning and the pain is strong thinking about her and the new guys shes seeing. It doesn't help that I have sexual problems that makes me down too so she can do things with them that I cant. Just feel so empty. I spoke to a girl who's a trainee psychiatrist about my issues and it hasn't really helped. She suggested medication which will just make me more numb and empty. Keep getting anxiety that someday soon I'll see her again and another wound will be opened
  2. I am going to go to one when I next can but im not in the city where my gp is at the minute. I will when I'm next there next month. I'm not blaming her it was just a shock to see her again. I've spoke about her on here before about how I havent been able to get over her. Everything just seems so pointless.
  3. I havent gone in to work today as I'm too down to face it. I hardly slept last night thinking about her dating and flirting with other guys on the dating apps or instagram. I still feel sick and I'm not eating much. I know I have to move on but being helpless to the situation and what shes doing is making me so anxious and out of control
  4. I am really trying though. The thought of going to work tomorrow is horrible and I've just woken up feeling sick again about who shes speaking to. I'm just an average guy really but she was really good looking, friendly, intelligent and kind. I will go to my GP and try arrange counselling but I dont have any time left off for work so cant sort it out. I'm considering leaving my job and going back to my home town where I can do this in a month or so. But what do I do until then. This pain isn't going away and no matter what I do I cant stop thinking of her and what shes doing with others
  5. I do go on them occasionally but its more to talk to people and take my mind off of her as something will remind me of her or I'll have a dream about her. I just cant believe how shes been in another relationship for over 2 years since me and I'm still thinking about her.
  6. That's not what I said. All I was saying is that she had everything including a great personality which is why I feel so down
  7. I guess I felt I had nothing to lose as I'd already seen her on the app. Was hard seeing her face for the first time in 3 years. Trouble for me is a girl like her will have her pick of guys on these apps so it's no doubt that whoever's shes seeing is taller and better looking than me etc. Just feel lost and no motivation and lonely
  8. We broke up a gew years ago as I had to move away for studies but now I'm relatively close to where she is. The last time I spoke to her she had a new bf and I tried to blank her out of my life as I still had feelings for her. This was a while ago. Then when I was casually swiping through on a dating app I seen her and my heart sunk. She looked beautiful. I went on to her fb profile that I hadn't been on for over a couple of years and seen everything shes been doing in her life. I messaged her telling her how I felt and she told me she had moved on a while ago and that she is speaking to someone new which is probably from this app. I feel sick and cant eat or sleep. I can't help but wonder what shes getting up to with the new guy and think about them having intimacy. The pain is so bad. I dont know what to do to help my mind as it constantly thinks about these things. I'm so down
  9. I was scrolling through tinder tonight and there she was. My ex from 3 years ago. The girl I have been thinking about all of these years. I felt sick and still do. She lookked even more beautiful than I remembered. 'm in a low place right now. Shes trying to meet other guys. Sounds crazy but I was in some comfort knowing she had a boyfriend before as I thought that would be it. But now shes planning on dating and maybe sleeping around. I didnt think shed go on a dating app but there she is. All of this was all my fault for breaking up with her. I sent her a message on fb and she said shes talking to someone new. I'm so depressed
  10. Thanks for the replies, but how do you get over the fact that people treat better looking people more favourably and treat you like you're nothing. I was supposed to meet someone off of a dating app last night and I showed up to the place we were meeting only for her to not show up. Not even a message about not turning up. Nothing. Totally spiteful and rude. I'm sick of being treated bad by work colleagues also and just blatantly ignored by people and rejected by society. On the way home on public transport there were couples cuddling up to eachother and I was alone dealing with that bs. I'm still the same person I was 10 years ago when I was much more handsome and people would give me the time of day. At the minute I'm at my parents house for the weekend with my annoying dad who has never provided me with any advice or been a male role model of any sort. I'm only here as my only 2 good friends are off in other countries and I have nowhere else to go. No one wants to help and therapists just want your money. Nobody cares. Women always have a network around them and people will pander to them when you're down, as a guy noone does and you just have to suck it up
  11. In response to the question my hobbies are football, gym and that's about it at the minute as I feel too tired to do anything after work. I occasionally will see a friend from back home at the weekend but hes moving to the other side of the world in a few months, as did my other best friend a few months ago. I've looked in to signing up to courses in the evenings but nothing seems to appeal to me. I think the route cause of my depression is my job and the lack of relationships I have with women etc and my anxiety/ocd which affects my relationships with people on a large scale. I've also touched on my sexual issues as a result of a botched operation I had which sometimes gets me down. As you say, therapy might be another idea, I'll look in to it.
  12. I also have tried the dating apps but I dont really do too well out of it. I'm tired a lot of the time so doing things after work is difficult, aside from gym which I can manage a couple of times in the week.
  13. Hi. Thanks for the replies. I do try to be positive and I am a nice guy and always try to be at least. I guess I am quite depressed and maybe therapy would be a good idea. I also dont just go for really attractive girls. I worded that wrong really. I'd say I like cute girls not the stunning ones as I know I wouldnt get too far with them and we wouldnt be compatible. Even so I just dont seem to get far with them. I know people say you need to be confident but it's hard when people dont even want to talk to you and will make it blatantly obvious they're not interested even when I dont show any outward interest at all. Even when I try to put on a smile and be friendly people will act awkward around me or look away. Part of me is tempted to move away to another country but I'll most likely have these issues elsewhere. I'm just not a people person I guess. All I want is a decent relationship and to occasionally see friends outside of work and I'd be quite happy. I still think about my ex and what could have been. Sometimes it's hard to shake off and it can be paralyzing, albeit it has changed to a more dull ache over the years. Some might say I need to be on meds but I tried them before and they didn't make much difference so theres no point. I've also tried therapy but I dont feel that helps me a great deal, especially my social situation. A lot of the time I'll go home to my parents on the weekend and spend most of my time with them, which for a guy of my age is not ideal. Anyway. Thanks for reading. I'm just typing out my feelings really.
  14. Hi all I've posted on here before a few times over the last few years. During them periods I was hung up on an ex gf that I had to break up with as I was moving away for my studies. Crazy thing is despite that being almost 4 years ago I still think about her. I think that by not meeting anyone i have liked who has been attracted to me since has exacerbated the situation though. I'm currently working following a second spell at college. The job pays okay, but I dont overly enjoy it and it can be stressful as it's in healthcare. I sometimes think about leaving this job and taking up a similar position nearer to my family as it can be lonely sometimes in this new city, although once every so often I'll go out with some workmates for a drink etc. The main issue for me socially though is that I feel inferior to other guys my age as when I go out women pay them much more attention. I am losing my hair and when I look at photos from nights out I see my youth fading. Also, the girls in the group gravitate to the other guys and give me the cold shoulder. When I'm in the gym there are a few really attractive girls and I wish I could talk to them but once again they seem to avoid me and talk to the better looking guys. It sucks so bad. I've already talked about my sexual issues which overwhelms me from time to time, as does my anxiety issues which always seems to affect my relationships if I find a girl i like. The last relationship also ended in part due to my anxiety getting the better of me until i pulled the trigger. Therefore it's as though theres a whole bunch of barriers that seems to stop me from finding a girl I like and having a good relationship with her. I've only ever experienced this sort of thing in short spells, but as I said as I get older and uglier my chances are getting fewer and farer between. I'm just so fed up of being teased for my balding and the guys who do it go home with the girls while I end up alone again. Life just sucks sometimes.
  15. I appreciate all your replies. I do feel a bit better as I've been helping someone renovate a house all week which kept me occupied. In my downtime like now though my mind drifts back to her. I still kick myself despite the circumstances I was under at the time. An attractive, caring, loyal girl who had goals and emotional intelligence and did not drink or smoke. Damn. I'm trying to meet other women through online dating and out and about. A lot of the ones I meet seem quite aloof however or play games, have a negative or shallow outlook or are just generally disinterested in me. I guess I just need to work on myself but I fear this will take years to fully get out of my system.
  16. The reason I broke up with her was mainly distance related and anxiety about how it would work and I was having intrusive thoughts that were scaring me at the time. It wasn't until I had a few weeks to get my head straight that I realised what I'd done. Like I said before this girl was in to me a lot and she was really good to me. She was better looking than me also and with the fact I'm getting older and losing hair/less attractive it was my best shot. I like to believe I'll get another shot with someone else I like but I'm not sure. At the minute I just feel sick at the thought of her in the arms of another man.
  17. In spite of all this I still think about contacting her, but as each day passes I see that the likelihood of her feeling the same diminishes. The flashbacks I have are of her doting on me as she did, but in reality shes probably doing that with someone else now. I just find it hard to accept that someone else is involved in her future and I don't have her in mine.
  18. The California girl was from a holiday I had when I was out there. I really liked her but it wasn't love. The girl from the hospital was more than that. She was devastated when it ended, as was I. I didn't intend to fall in love with a girl that lived so far away. We lived in the same place for a year and then I had to move away for uni which sucked. I didn't think I would be able to do long distance due to workload and my anxiety issues, so I ended it as she was quite demanding for attention, which was her only fault, if it even is one. If I could go back in time I would make the decision to do a LDR with her as it would mean still having her in my life, but obviously I can't. I think I did mean a lot to her but she just moved on in a normal amount of time which I haven't been able to do. I was thinking earlier with a slightly clearer head. I put myself in her shoes as someone who has probably had a 1+ year relationship with someone else and hasn't thought of me for almost 2 years. She probably would be so surprised and dismissive of me for contacting her which would kill me. Even though I still think of her daily I'm probably nothing to her now, someone who wouldn't even make her blink if she saw me again. I must admit I still live in the past somewhat with flashbacks of when we were together. I guess it's easier to move on if someone else wants to be with you like she has. Shes an attractive girl so it's no surprise guys will be queuing up for her. I find it a daily struggle meanwhile. I can't say women are that enthralled by my presence and so my outlook is not overly positive at the minute.
  19. I actually had a private number call off of someone a month after the day when I spoke to her on the phone from a withheld number myself (this was so I could get through to her as I was blocked). I've been thinking it could have been her since that day but I didn't answer as I was out the room at the time. For some reason it feels worse to when I think that shes met someone new over the guy she had been dating when I spoke to her last time. He was foreign like her and that didn't bother me as much as if the guy was from the local area like I was. I dunno, my messed up brain.
  20. I keep thinking about trying to contact her again, which will be 18 months after the last time I contacted her when she had a bf. She may still have a bf or they may have broken up. I have no way of knowing as she blocked me on fb and my number immediately after the break up. I know this was to help her heal though and not because I didn't treat her well as I always did. Do you think this is a bad idea? The only thing is I wouldn't know how to contact her. I don't have her number anymore. I just cant let her go. Shes constantly on my mind. There might still be a chance she misses me.
  21. I'm in so much pain I don't know how much more I can take. No matter what I do and even if I'm with a friend I keep thinking about her. I dont know who shes with and what shes doing and most would prefer that but its driving me crazy. I keep picturing her going out for drinks looking good and then going home to sleep with the guy shes currently dating whoever that is. Her boyfriend is most likely better looking, taller, stronger than me and I just feel inadequate. I keep wanting to check her facebook but I know that will probably open up even more hurt. I just cant see when this pain will ever end.
  22. That sounds pretty ominous. Almost like a prison sentence that never ends :( no matter what I do nothing takes my mind off of her. I think I would have been reasonably content being alone forever if I never knew she was out there.
  23. Thanks for the responses. I've been obsessing a lot about what she's getting up to and who she's dating/sleeping with and have been tempted to look on her social media. I haven't done this since we split up. I keep getting bad anxiety for the same reasons in the morning and panic attacks almost. I don't know how to handle it and welcome any suggestions if anyone has any. It's ridiculous. She probably hasn't thought about me in a long while and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her all day.
  24. Hi both, I really appreciate both of your replies. Thank you for trying to make me feel better. I just cant get over missing this opportunity with her though as she actually was really special. She was really attractive and although younger than me at 19 she was a great communicator, empathetic, caring, loved animals and wanted to be with me - something very few women in my life I have liked have felt too. Lately I have withdrawn a lot and I cry every day. I have few friends and my family have enough of their own problems, like everyone. I'm not sure where to go from here. I see other women around and I just don't feel anything anymore. She has set the bar and I doubt any other can or want to ever reach that high. In a world full of materialism and need for affirmation she was a small town girl from eastern Europe, happy with the simple things. I have no idea what she's up to and if I'll ever see her again. I look in to the future and shudder at a 70 year old me sitting on his front porch pining over a love that never was.
  25. Hey everyone I've posted here before but just an update and I need to get things out as I'm so down. I was with a great girl who I met from work 2 years ago and we got on great. She was on work experience while i was on a temporary contract at the place which was 2 hours from where my family lived. We cared for each other a great deal but as my contract was running out at the hospital where I worked I tried desperately to get work in a similar role nearby but to no avail. My prospects weren't good as the pay was poor and my only option to improve myself was to go back to uni at 28 over 300 miles away. This was the only uni offering me a place. I was having a lot of issues at the time, which i still struggle with, and I was depressed and anxious from everything. I thought it would be best to break up our 3 month relationship so that the pain wouldn't be prolonged for both of us as it would be so hard being away for long periods of time from one another. I was so up in my head at the time and when time came to move away I was numb. She was also upset. As time went on at uni I was so down missing her. I kept thinking to contact her but held off as she wanted no contact. She deleted me off social media as soon as we broke up. A few months after we split up i couldnt take it anymore and needed to see if she was okay and if we could give the long distance a chance. I contacted her and her new bf answered. He asked me what I wanted and she said she's moved on. I was devastated. Ever since that day 18 months ago I've regretted breaking up and I've been an empty shell. I thought I was getting better but then I started dreaming about her again then wondering if she's dating the same guy or with someone new. It kills me thinking she's sleeping with other people. I haven't seen or spoke to her since and I still haven't moved on. Everything seems so pointless now. I'm on summer break from my course and I don't see the point of it. I'm struggling to sleep and eat and had a panic attack this morning thinking about her and what she's doing with other guys. She was a beautiful, caring girl and I always thought she was too good for me. I on the other hand am losing my hair and have sexual problems from a circumcision from when I was younger. Some days I think I'd rather not be here. I am on meds for depression and anxiety and have tried CBT but it didn't work for me. I broke down at my doctors last week but what's the point. I feel like I made one stupid decision at a highly stressful time and now I'm not sure I'll ever get over it.
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